Finally remember to pack my hobby tools from a hobby that never started off... Hopefully these tools will make my life easier over at Alpha Centre. Hopefully... =x
Just remember someone say all is fair in the game of love. I guess that's the excuse people give to back stab, sabotage, destroy, be unreasonable, beat up, kill, fight, push down, discourage, cheat, humiliate and other stuffs i can't think about now. I guess that speak volumes about their values. I guess to me it's not such a fair game after all.
Interestingly, 2 days ago on Sunday, while having breakfast (number 2) with friends and Auntie Lee Cher, we somehow ended up on the topic on relationships again. She said girls prefer guys who are sensitive and that the guys from church are actually quite decent. Then XX said i'm actually quite ok. Was shocked at first cause she rarely even compliments anyone, as least to me. =x Then Auntie Lee Cher went on about housework and how if a girl called you not man enough, she doesn't deserve you, and i just sat there staring while chewing my straw, cause i really didn't know how to respond... Was called nervous, but just really couldn't think of anything to respond cause was caught off guard... =x
I guess i don't like seeing people who run away from problems cause they can't handle it. What happened to responsibility? The problem would just come back later and bite harder then it did before... Yeouch...
Just wondering how fast can i bounce back from a set back now. Still seems very slow. Whenever i thought i'm okay, something else comes in and i feel lousy all over again, and the recovery process starts all over again. But i know i'll be fine eventually... Just a matter of when only... =x
Do you know who you are? Or are you just hanging around people in hope of becoming like them and hopefully having a friend? Find out who you are, not become like those around you. It gets harder and harder to be someone else, but all it takes to be yourself is just setting yourself free, and it gets easier instead of harder, cause you will be at less conflict with yourself. You are who you are, don't let anyone else tell you who you are, you show them who you are. There may be points we don't like, but that's where self improvement comes in. No one stays the same, but you can still be you even if you change. Look inside. Find yourself. Don't settle for being someone else. Show them who you are.
The paragraph above isn't random. It is meant for someone, don't know if that person will know it's for him/her. Can apply to anyone i guess. So do you know who you are?
I guess that's about all for now. Ulcer hurts now... Oh well, see yah around! Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce of memories Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of Swear up and down to God above That you finally fall in love If today was your last day - Nickelback - If today was your last day
Thursday, July 02, 2009
I ougth to start living up to my name...
Met the guy who helped gave me my Chinese name recently. Forgot to ask him why he gave me my name. Asked my parents what it meant anyway. Zhi was part of family tradition. The En came from the pastor. Supposed to mean grace. I ought to live up to the meaning... Hmm... What's the meaning? Er... Here is the definition from dictionary.com:
–noun 1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action. 2. a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment. 3. favor or good will. 4. a manifestation of favor, esp. by a superior: It was only through the dean's grace that I wasn't expelled from school. 5. mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace. 6. favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity. 7. an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against him or her or a penalty applied: The life insurance premium is due today, but we have 31 days' grace before the policy lapses. Compare grace period. 8. Theology. a. the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God. b. the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them. c. a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces. d. Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect. 9. moral strength: the grace to perform a duty. 10. a short prayer before or after a meal, in which a blessing is asked and thanks are given. 11. (usually initial capital letter) a formal title used in addressing or mentioning a duke, duchess, or archbishop, and formerly also a sovereign (usually prec. by your, his, etc.). 12. Graces, Classical Mythology. the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities and in Rome as the Gratiae. 13. Music. grace note. –verb (used with object) 14. to lend or add grace to; adorn: Many fine paintings graced the rooms of the house. 15. to favor or honor: to grace an occasion with one's presence. —Idioms 16. fall from grace, a. Theology. to relapse into sin or disfavor. b. to lose favor; be discredited: He fell from grace when the boss found out he had lied. 17. have the grace to, to be so kind as to: Would you have the grace to help, please? 18. in someone's good (or bad) graces, regarded with favor (or disfavor) by someone: It is a wonder that I have managed to stay in her good graces this long. 19. with bad grace, reluctantly; grudgingly: He apologized, but did so with bad grace. Also, with a bad grace. 20. with good grace, willingly; ungrudgingly: She took on the extra work with good grace.
Er... Looks like a lot of things to attempt to be... @.@
Someone told me today that one of my previous post about nice guys is true, cause most of the time nice guys just can't stop being nice, even when they are treated like crap sometimes. =x
Today kind of lost. Have been feeling a little lost the past few days. Can't seem to get myself to program anything... Today didn't help make it any better anyway... Wonder if things became worst...
I got a feeling i talked a little too much yesterday... Forgot about what my journal is for again... Someone wack some sense into me... Not literally... =x
Ah... Just tired from a long day. Going off first bah... See yah...
"Sometimes you can't make it on your own..." - U2
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Talk about battle scars... =x
Went for my physiotherapy yesterday morning. Horrible reviews from the therapist about the condition of my body. "Man... I've never gave someone so many stretches to do in a session..." was one of the responses i got. Ah... I guess this is the result of not exercising regularly... Someone should try dragging me out to exercise... =x
Then back in school was the surprise, which wasn't really a surprise due to some circumstances, for the birthday people of the month. Managed to finish the slice of cake in 4 seconds and avoided the fate of having a cake smashed into my face. But the result of it was about the same, since i cramped the whole cake into my mouth anyway... Face will definitely be affected... Lazy to upload photos now... =x
Today was another lazy day. Almost didn't make it out in a piece... Thank goodness all i got out of it was temporary scars... =x
Hmm.. I just wondering what's up next? After all of this is over, what will happen? Ah... Wonder how long more to go...
Planning something next week. Not sure what will happen yet, or what exactly i'm planning... XD
I guess that's about all of now. See yah around!!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Ah... Ice Cream promo again... XD
Ben and Jerry's having another promotion again, this time on youth day. Buy 1 scoop of icecream and get another free!! =x Link
It has been a tiring week. Almost everyday in school... Friday was at SGH for a checkup though. Nothing much, just going for physio tomorrow morning from doc's advice.
Got a feeling something's going to happen to me tomorrow in school... Can't confirm anything yet... But with so many people suddenly talking behind your back, probably something be wrong... And with people randomly doing the evil laughter too, something MUST be wrong... Let's hope the Tigger costume thing doesn't come true...
Ah... Nothing much left to say already bah... That's all for now. See yah! =x
Thursday, June 25, 2009
YAYA (PAPAYA) CAMP 2009!! =x
Ha... Many probably wonder what does the YaYA mean. It stands for Youth and Young Adults in my church. We call it YaYA in short. Sounds nicer, and rhymes with papaya too... =x
First day, was out getting stuff for project before heading home to get bag for camp. Ice breakers were ok, cause my group didn't managed to win any... Even after i sacrificed my hair... T.T
Had dinner before having out first session with Sarah Allis Young. Interesting story she of her life before you got to know God. First session touched on identity. Guys tend to find their identity in work while gals find identity in guys. What does that mean? Guys have this tendency to judge their day with their work and how well it is. Usually when we have a bad day, it is usually due to that we didn't do that well in our work. Likewise for good days, where we are happy with out work. Girls? She stated how girls always talk about guys, and when guys don't treat them as well as they want, they have a bad day.
So i was asking myself, at least for the guys part of the above statement, if it was true. Kind of, sometimes i guess. Finding my identity in the wrong thing? My identity is in God, and no one or anything should decide what i am. Felt better after that, cause no one else has the right to dictate who i am. (:
That was one of the few stuffs i remember from the first day. 2nd day started with breakfast with a little twist. Had breakfast while doing devotion. Covered the fruits of the spirit. Had different fruits to represent different fruits of the spirit. Slowest breakfast i have, but was quite good time besides the point that my nose was going off at the wrong times... =x
Was followed up by another session by Sarah. Er... I wonder if i can find notes from anyone... 2nd day was one of the flu-ey days for me... Was blur throughout the day. =x
After lunch was a session by Wan Hsi about prophetic worship. I guess i fell asleep halfway cause of the flu... =x Not that it was boring, just that i was really tired for soem reason. Woke up before the thing ended though. The thing i picked up in that session was that worship should come from the heart.
After that was our own CSI game. Went around a small portion of Singapore trying to solve the mystery of how a person was murdered. All the clues were like all over the place... And the answer to the dead person was so... so... Man... She fel down the stairs not dead yet... But was an allergic reaction to a new drug that killed her... So actually no one killed her, just that an accident happened...
There was another session by Sarah. A question that came to my mind then was if i'm willing to trust God with the extraordinary. There was this time where we were asked to see what God told us of someone else. First we were to ask our partners if they were an animal what would they be. 2nd was what car would they be. 3rd was what picture do you see when you think of them.
First was with someone and i told him he was an mouse cause he was quick and fast and very hard to catch. He said i was a cat cause i am softspoken. =x
2nd and 3rd time i felt a little pressured cause i was partnered with the senior pastor of my church. For the car question, i told him i thought of a toyota cause it was hardy and lasting. He said i'm a vintage car, not cause i'm old, but cause i will grow in value, i guess in the sense that i will continue becoming better. Felt quite good after that. =x
Last question, i saw the house, in the countryside. Warm and cozy. Just get a feeling that people approach him for help cause they they they will be safe with him. And he saw me as those power tower that hold up power cables, that without me holding the connections in place, it will all fall apart. Felt appreciated then. =x
3rd day was on Sunday, so had usual church session at 9am and 11am. Only difference was that we had to attend both sessions intead of the usual one... No second breakfast that day... T.T
The first highlight of the day was treasure hunting, not in the finding stuff sense, but finding people. We were to ask the Holy spirit to put stuff on our minds and we were to write it down. We then go around finding people that matches the stuff we wrote down. Was exciting. Prayed for people along the streets. My group only found 1 person that matches the things on our list. Was looking for an umbrella, but since it was so hot, didn't really expect to find one until we saw the ice cream man. =x
After that was free and easy period, but was used for discussing the skit for the performance that night. Ended up with one that was a modified version of Noah's ark. There was the Tamil tiger, scape goat and no-eye-deer (no idea) among other things. Kind of threw in bird flu, swine flu and reindeers too. =x
Then it was the performance it self. Found props all over the place last minute. I was playing the no-eye-deer. Our skit was about this bunch of animals trying to get back on the ark cause they forgot to get on board. So imagine this: No-eye-deer gets an idea, pigs get swine flu and flew carring the tiger, tranforming the tiger to tiger airways. No-eye-deer ask praying matis to pray for rain so that the deer becomes a reindeer(rain-deer). Imagine a deer flying blind... =x
And since it was the night of the camp, people tend ot sleep later. Many slept after 3am, 4am++. Me? I slept around 1:30am. Can't help it... Project has done that to me... Sleep when you can, cause you never know when you have to pull an all nighter... =x
So the next morning my alarm rang at 7, i snoozed it. 7:10 again, and i snoozed again. 7:20 ringed again, but this time i turned it off. Next tiem i woke up was 8:45 and the the next sessin was supposed to start at 9... I was thinking of just jumping out of my sleeping bag and rushing, then i saw everyoen else around me still sleeping... So i took my time to wash up. XD
The session started an hour late, but was still fine cause we got the session. =x Was about angels and something else which neither my bro nor me cna remember. =x
The talk about Angels was interesting, cause apparently they were all over the church, and Sarah could see them. Some of us could too. Supposedly could feel them too. I just wonder if i felt them or is it the air-con sometimes... But hoenstly some of the spots where they were identified, it felt either warm or cold sometimes when i placed my hands through. Someone actually said she saw angels march into the room the moment the worship started. XD
After the last session, packed up, and joined soem people for lunch (NEPALESE FOOD!!). Before heading back. Wanted to go back to school after it all, but was too late... Called Singya and asked if i was needed in school on the way out of my house. Kena called crazy cause by the time i reached would probably be too late already. So i walked out of my house and walked back in again... =x
Ha... It has been an interesting weekend, bothe fun and tiring. Ah... That's what i can remember about what happened. =x See yah around!!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Ha... Was planning to start on designing my new blogskin today, but i guess i kind of reached home a little too late... =x
Yup, i'm finally back from church camp. Had loads of fun, only thing that held me back was tiredness, was one of the few people that slept earliest each day. Probably used to school life of sleep when you can, cause it's not much anyway... =x
Will talk more about the camp some other time, when i got more time to elaborate as much as i want to. XD
Anyway, would like to share something i saw on the blog of a friend of mine. Was quoted from another blog:
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
Oh well, that's all for the moment. See yah around!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
QUOTE OF THE DAY!! =x
"When i got something to say about people, it means there is still a chance for them to be saved. When i really don't have anything to say, it means really no more hope anymore," Lucas, Project Partner. More better known as L.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I think i twisted my leg again... =x
Oh well... Probably placed my leg in some weird position today while playing basketball again... =x
And i'm having a camp this coming Friday... Man... XD
Had a BBQ last Saturday with Alpha Centre mates. Was ok i guess. Was kinda too tired to really enjoy everything, among other reasons... =x
Phone died on me that day... The back light of the screen failed and i could only see the screen under a light source... Try being only able to sms under a street lamp... Interestingly, the screen is fine after i used an old piece today. Ah... have to handle it gentally... =x
Sorry Jon, stories like last post only comes once in a while. Usually after those stories i suffer from writer's block. =x
Man... Almost forgot about tomorrow's class gathering... Was thinking of another full day of project... I wonder if i can tear myself away from the project room... XD
Sometimes i wonder what's up with the situation life is putting me in. Most of the time i seem to be stuck in the middle. All the different choices in life just seems to throw themselves all at the same time. Doors open, new opportunities awaits. To take or not to take? Or is waiting a wiser choice? Waiting could result in something better, or worst, being offered. Hmm...
Oh well, lets just see what life in stalled up ahead. Hopefully will be able to take whatever will be thrown my way. See yah!
Friday, June 12, 2009
And This Is A Story...
A story about a boy just trying to make it through life. Life hasn't been smooth sailing for him. A few months back he broke up with his first girlfriend. One could say he's still trying to find himself after after his loss, but some feel he has recovered quite a bit since then. He doesn't feel that way though.
There was once when he believed he was getting along better. His ex and him were friends again at least and he didn't want to take it for granted. Suddenly a friend of his for at least years got interested in his ex. He was upset at first, but decided to control himself and just see how the situation will work out. For some reason, his friend saw him as a threat, and every time that friend saw him with her, just random playing around or talking, he tried to get in the way. Our main character got irritated, but decided to still be as nice as he could, walking away from the anger.
A group of them were out once to get stuffs, and since it's a big group, his ex would end up walking next to him sometimes. This friend of his would squeeze in between them. He was irritated, not by the fact he couldn't get close to his ex, but by the fact that he has to keep changing direction just to make space for this friend of his to squeeze in between. it happened once... Twice... 3 times... 4th and 5th... Then he just gave up and decided to just walk up front where no one will walk, leaving this friend of his to his own means.
He was upset but somehow got himself out of it again. Then another guy somehow managed to mixed into their group. He was open to this guy, like he was open to anyone else. Then he got closer to his ex. He was upset, but decided that it was better off kept to himself. The earlier mentioned friend gave up on her probably cause of this new guy, and suddenly started becoming nice to him again, but to him, it just feels artificial at times now.
As he saw his ex get closer to this new guy, a dagger kept sinking deeper into his heart. He doesn't know why. He asked himself, "Ain't i over her already?" But the pain still lingered. Then signs begin to show of something more between his ex and the other guy. Rumors started. But he still decided to keep his composure even though everything inside him was feeling all messed up. Each new thing people says about them feels like a knife plunging into his heart. He doesn't understand why he still feels this way. And he wonders if anyone cares about how he feels.
He wonders sometimes, why does God put him in situations where it seem to hurt when it seems like it shouldn't be at all. The only reply he gets is that no one else could probably take the pressure. He heard of people jumping off building cause their parents don't let them take a certain CCA, and laugh at the fact that he's still alive after all that he has went through and still am going through. He thought to himself, "I wonder how that kid would have done in my shoes..."
There was this once the people around him started talking that all he was is a replacement for when the guy isn't around. He was hurt. Cause if all he was is a replacement, he rather be no one to her at all. He asked her, she said no, that he wasn't a replacement, wait a while more and all that's really happening will be revealed. "What's really happening?", he wondered.
He sometimes wonder how is he able to still come to school each day smiling, knowing that something's wrong with himself, and continue moving forward. Life goes on, he tells himself each day. God will provide and make a way, he keeps telling himself. God has always made a way for him, but he's finding it difficult to trust anyone, even God, at the moment. Probably the smile comes from that inner joy given from God that no one can ever take away.
There are times when he just disappear from where he's meant to be, just so he have some time alone to reflect and think and seek refuge in God. Nothing seems to make sense to him. The guy just broke up with someone, and now am close to his ex. His friend treats him like crap at first and suddenly treats him nice. He's suddenly kind of good friends with his ex again. Nothing makes sense, not that he not happy with the some of the things happening. He doesn't want to take anymore things for granted.
Sometimes he just get lost in thoughts. He doesn't want to think about things, but it just comes to him. He doesn't know whether his respond to other people's actions are the best respond he can give. All he knows is how to move forward in life. There are times when he just want to run away, just disappear, but it would have been the opposite of what he has been preaching to people, not to run away from problems. Practice what you preach, he keeps telling himself, practice what you preach.
There are times he wonder if he is being too nice and letting people walk all over him. "I'm like a doormat eh??" Sometimes he would ask himself, laughing.
There seems to be this hope inside of him, a hope that something will happen. Something that will help him see that hope in life paid off. Hope in the future paid off. Hope.
And his story goes on, like all life stories should. His story has yet to reach it's ending, and so until then, life goes on and his story continues. Watch out people, here he comes.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
The Script - Before The Worst
Just a song i find beautiful at the moment. Sometimes relationships just don't go the way you want them to go and you just hope taht everything is back to the way it was. That's what this song is about
It's been a while since the two of us talked About a week since the day you walked Knowing things would never be the same With your empty heart and mine full of pain So explain to me, how it came to this Take it back to the night we kissed It was Dublin city on a Friday night You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night
We were sitting with our backs against the world Saying things that we thought but never heard Who would have thought it would end up like this? Where everything we talked about is gone And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend Before our hearts decide It's time to love again Before too late, before too long Lets try to take it back Before it all went wrong
There was a time, that we'd stay up all night Best friends talking till the daylight Took the joys alongside the pain With not much to loose, but so much to gain Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss, Set you a drift on memory bliss It was Grafton Street on a rainy night I was down on one knee and you where mine for life
We we're thinking we would never be apart With your name tattooed across my heart Who would have thought it would end up like this? Where everything we talked about is gone And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend Before our hearts decide It's time to love again Before too late, before too long Lets try to take it back Before it all went wrong
If the clouds don't clear Then well rise above it, well rise above it Heavens gate is so near Come walk with me through Just like we use to, just like we use to
Lets take it back Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend Before our hearts decide It's time to love again Before too late, before too long Lets try to take it back Before it all went wrong
Let's see what else i've learned about r/s so far, kind of applies to every type, from friendship to the more serious end. It can't be built on any kind of negative feelings, like hate, jealousy, bad intentions, craftiness, lies etc.. to name a few. Honestly, it's very hard to see people's intention. The more you hide, the more seeds of doubt you plant. And discord will sprout from those seeds. Not only discord, distrust will also come along. There's a reason why the government and peopel are trying to get charities to have transparent bank accounts, so peopel have reason to trust the charities in the first place.
