It's been a year and 10 months. 2 months more to go, and yet something still feels off. I remember a time i was motivated by promises of a better a future, and the what would be waiting for me as i approached the the end of these 2 years.
With 2 months left and looking back, it has been a tiring journey with many people, some who have left a lasting impression on me. In fact, i appreciate everyone i've met. But looking at what the next 2 months have in stalled doesn't look like there are 2 months left at all.
Sometimes just being that good person, that good soldier that people can rely on is just so tiring, especially when at the end, there's no reward, and another day of whatever looms ahead.
Honestly, i don't see my license happening. I can keep driving, get the required milage, but there just isn't any way to confirm i'll get it in the end.
Better life? Driving license? 2 months away from ORD and i guess it's probably too late anyway.
From your actions, you didn't change much... And from my reactions, i'm still around the same... Gah... Now if only you start to learn to pamper yourself more often and allow yourself to receive things more often too... @.@
Blame the army and their horrible food... enough to leave me traumatized last week to rush not home first but freshness burger to get a bite... It didn't successfully erase the horrid taste of lunch from my mouth, but it was still very VERY good food compare lunch that day... ARGH... Thinking back still frightens me... @.@
The past short week in camp was supposed to be enjoyable, until i got fever on he first day. I was mentally recording what was happening though out the whole night cause i couldn't sleep for more than a stretch of 1 hour... It was a very interesting experience to do it in camp...
Managed to recover enough in time for the final grading my close combat training. Passed and that's all for the year, besides the up coming guard duty... T.T
Ah... That's all for the moment, probably should get some rest already. See yah!
Funny how easily i get convinced by certain people to do things. And how Facebook became a replacement for just about anything online, especially for though sharing and such.
Army sucks a lot of time. It's either me-time, family-time, friends-time or army-time. Army-time is just about any other time. For example, after nua-ing at home for half a Saturday, i will go for a hair cut cause it's too long for the army. Another? After church and lunch with friends, there i go to to Mount Faber E-mart to get more army stuffs. Or maybe i would be at Fairprice looking for what can i add to my arsenal of snacks in camp... Or look for a way to get more coins for the vending machines in camp... Get what i mean?
Army just overwhelms your life. Not like how a girlfriend takes over, but more like a forced intrusion that you just have to address somehow. And no matter how hard you try to address it, it just never gets done...
Army made me pick up loads of things again, be it writing a journal, playing pokemon,playing Magic: The Gathering, or just enjoying that run again. And yes, pokemon is fun, especially when you are in the army. Cause they can't entertain you, you have to find your own source of entertainment. And who knew my platoon would be pokemon fans as well? =x
Around another 3 to 6 months for the khaki beret, so don't go saluting me anytime soon...
That's all for now, lets see if i have the resolve to redesign this page some other time. See yah!
PS. Happy i blogged now? =x
Sunday, April 18, 2010
It's interesting to put my song list on shuffle. I always discover a song i've never noticed before. And recently discovered an interesting one.
No Longer What You Require - Howie Day
We had it all we were, young lovers, we were full of trust and faith We were dead set on making it last forever, forever and a day. I recall it was fall last year when, it started to die. You stand still as the temperature kills, the summer strokes that were keeping it alive. The day got colder so I held you closer, in an effort to save us from time, Almost like the wind came and ruined the spark and left us in the dark.
But hey- I could have told you that I loved you and stay, around to rekindle the fire but I was late, on my return and now you've lost all faith. And I am a liar, I'm no longer what you require.
See, I still feel you at night, turning in the sheets when I turn out the light It's how it goes, the ghost of your first love wont ever leave you til the day that you die I wont ever live down leaving her behind even if the choice was the right one It was a good thing staring me right in the face but I turned and ran away.
I could have told you that I loved you and stay, around to rekindle the fire but I was late on my return and now you've lost all faith. Cause I am a liar, I'm no longer what you require.
Back then the days were so much faster, we were young stubborn and in love with disaster. You know you cant go back even if you try, you better just forget it wont you close the door on me cause it will never be the same it will never be the way it was before
But hey- I could have told you that I loved you and stayed, around to rekindle the fire but I was late, on my return and now you've lost all faith. And I am a liar, well hey- I would have told you that I loved you and stay around to rekindle the fire but I was late on my return and now you've lost all faith. And I am a liar I'm no longer what you require. And I'm no longer what you require
And my return to blogging is going be a rant... Man... I just feel that civics and moral education for those secondary school students should include moving to the back of the buses... The fear of not being get of the bus is unfounded... The only reason you students can't get off the bus is because of others like you that block the entrance and exit of the bus... And come on, the next stop at the mrt station will result in about 40-50% of the people on board going down with you, how can there be no space for you to get off? Especially when u had no problem getting on in the first place? It's he peak hour, everyone else also wants to get home sooner, so PLEASE move in. And no, there is no monster at the back of the bus that will eat you.
The next question in mind would probably be uni choices... NUS electrical engine or NTU computer engine with chance of doing masters in computer science in Georgia Tech? NUS will be convenient with the circle line in future, NTU not so, being located in the middle of somewhere in somewhere... But NTU got a chance to going to US for a masters, only problem would be cost... And no too, you ain't choosing for me, i just laying my options open for think about it... Blogging used to help me think better... Need to highlight the USED TO...
Hmm... I need to find time to continue my robotics project... And probably a cheaper way to go to school as my bus concession is finishing soon...
That's all for now, going to play a little pokemon before sleeping... See yah!
My happiness is definitely not defined by anyone out there at the moment. It once was, but i've learned that it best left in the hands of someone that cares about how i feel.
It just has to be on the day i was thinking of playing a little basketball... All i did was rush a little and feet landed wrong way... What's up with my legs anyway?? >.<
Been very tired and cranky recently... Doing 3 projects at the same time, all due next week... Trying to bear with certain irritating people... Insufficient sleep... NS letters screwing me up for no reason... Dad jobless... And now add strange-feeling-ankle to the list... All the damn pressure sure can drive one crazy... Provided i'm not yet crazy...
The NS people send me back a letter saying i didn't send them back the medical questionnaire, was pissed cause 1) i was tired and 2) my mom sent it for me, chances are damn low for it to be lost. So when my mom volunteered to call up to check, i accepted it... Why not? What better weapon then one's mom? In the end, they got the report already, and i don't have to go down. And since Javier had the same problem, they called him up and told him don't need to come down. Saved both our asses from the government... Phew... Didn't want to waste my time going down again... Not the most convenient of places to go to early in the morning...
My dad lost his job? Yup. His boss told him to either resign or face the consequences, so what choice did he have? Best part? Left his job on new year eve. Talk about an early new year present... What's so stressful about that? Try being the eldest kid/male in the family, more stuff i have to step up and do now. Why to people think i rush home earlier then usually nowadays? And i'm cutting down my spending too.
And sometimes it's not that i'm rude, it's just that i'm thinking a little too much at the moment, thinking of what i can do, be it to help in the family or to do my project. Too deep in though. Never knew the habit would make a comeback...
With all the thoughts and work, throw in fatigue in the mix and you get what i am now. Of course i'll still smile, it requires less energy then frowning anyway... =x
Was thinking about the habits of someone and suddenly the word "Nomad" comes to mind. A nomad is something like someone who wanders around, not settling down anywhere. In what way is it related to the person that came to mind? He/She wanders from group to group, moving on after attention has worn off. And the thing is that the groups didn't really exist in the first place, there were just a whole bunch of people, and the people actually communicated instead of leaving others behind. Yah, so thanks for leaving those few of us behind and not being bothered even to just ask. Thanks for not taking the effort. Now if only i could find a mirror that would reflect back what we really look like inside...
And no, i'm not angry. Just... Not angry. Can't really describe the feeling, maybe cause i'm a little too tired. I'm not pissed too. I'm just... Er... Flabbergasted? Cause now, most of the people can't be bothered to tell others off, trying to end school with a good note. But people can see what kind of who we really are, and if they are okay with you being ugly, i guess that's their standard.
I wonder if it's me or do usually girls like attention? Maybe it's that everyone likes attention, but it seems that some are more vocal, exclaiming,: "ENTERTAIN ME!!", to some that go around flirting to get it. I don't know how you people feel, but the moment it gets to the part where you start messing with people feelings is the moment you get too far. Don't let feelings blind you, but us youth being youth, will only learn our lessons after screwing up... Oh well... The pains of growing up...
It seems like now with so many things floating around in my mind, the girls are the least of things that come to mind. I guess i used to like to think a little about the future, to daydream so as to say. But now, the present is taking up so much of thought processing it gets hard to think of stuffs that have no relation to now. I would like to think ahead, but now i prefer to take a step at a time until the storm has passed, thank you very much.
Ah... And recently in church we were talking about resting in God... Now to find rest in the middle of all these chaos... Ah, the irony... XD
Sometimes i feel used. Used like an item. A disposable one too. Done with what you want to do, i get thrown aside. Come on and save the Earth, stop treating everything as disposable. If everyone adopted that kind of habit, imagine how much more "cleaner" the world will be, with everyone feeling better cause they are treasured, knowing that they wouldn't b treated as disposables. Okay, i'm talking random stuff that seems to make no sense at all even after me trying to make them make sense. =x
Ah... That must be a sign for me to go rest, all the mindless rambling... See yah!!
Finally this blog gets updated again. I guess i will start with the usually reflection first before the resolutions that may not be even remembered after 1 month... =x
Highlights of the year:
JAPAN TRIP!!! If only it was longer... T.T
FYP finally became fun (because of the Japan trip =x)
I survived more the year!! (not that it's that difficult to accomplish, but still worth remembering)
JKL FORMATION!! =X
I can finally shoot a basketball decently, yeah
can do more than half a pull up
(fill in with what ever i forgot to mention bus worthy to be on the list)
Lowlights:
Back stabbed by someone all too familiar
Injury prone leg... T.T
Grew fatter...
(fill in stuffs i won't like to talk about... )
Hmm... That's all i can remember at the moment, but before the resolutions, let take a look at last year's resolution before proceeding to new resolutions...
PLAY MORE GUITAR!!
Read bible more often
Save money regularly (Less on food... T.T)
Destroy the world Continue walking with God
Try to contribute more to Crusade? (thinking about)
Put more effort into homework... Even slightly more would be good...
Start training for NAPFA
Complete blogskin... Have to escape people stereotyping me as emo...
GET MY PAY!!! *Finds trusty knife*
Think about what i want for my future. Got a few things in mind.
Use basketball more regularly, try shooting with left hand
Pull skates out of retirement if time allows?
STAY SINGLE (unless some how God shows me otherwise =x)
Forgive all that have wronged me
SELF-CONTROL KELVIN, SELF-CONTROL!!
Improve on last year's horrible rating
Let's see... I think i have accomplish most of the list... Only minor stuffs like blogskin-ing and saving money didn't really do much about... Excuse for others i go excuse for... =x Now for this year...
Live life to the fullest
Try to have fun while living life?
Don't give up on the guitar...
EXERCISE DAMN IT
Be mentally prepared for NS
SAVE MONEY!! Especially to go back to Japan...
Find work before NS
Get more sleep... zzzz...
Don't want to put too much expectation on myself this year, maybe because i got lazier, or just trying to realistic. Let's see how things work out as i take a step at a time.
AH... For those who wondered about how my Japan trip was like, it was... Busy... Had to deal with the competition and didn't have enough time for fun or shopping thanks to the schedule and leaving the day after competition... Was fun while it lasted. First time on a plane that isn't a budget airline. First time i don't have pay for anything on the plane... Photos for the trip on Facebook, cause i'm lazy to post them up =x
On the first day, arrived in the afternoon, sat an hour train trip from the Narita Airport to Akihabara, checked in and had dinner at a Yoshinoya. Never knew warm food would have felt so good... Especially to a person like me that don't like to eat hot stuffs cause it slows down my eating speed. But in Japan, the temperature seems just right... And the food always hits the right spots... Ah....
2nd day, went looking around in the morning before having lunch nearby and heading to the competition venue which is another 1 hour train trip away at Tsukuba... That day was just for testing of the robots. Did some slight modifications on the spot to the program. Couldn't do much due to the sheer amount of people taking part... Most of those who took part in the same competition had robots that weren't actually working... (I took part in a competition that the robot has to move along a line as fast as possible) Went back to Akihabara for dinner and more programming at night... >.<
3rd day, went earlier to prepare for the competition. And had to wait till afternoon for my turn... There were around 140 people taking part in that damn competition... and around half the robots there couldn't run at all... imagine staring and hoping for someone's else robot to work only to see it either not moving or crawling at a snail pace in a competition of speed... Anyway, when it reached my turn, i only have 3 minutes to run my robot 3 times... 1st time was ok, 2nd time screwed up and i almost died of a heart attack... Thank goodness my partner was there... 3rd time completed the course fast enough to be qualified for the next day. Thanks goodness i qualified... Or else i didn't know what i would have done with the next whole day free... =x My supervisor qualified for the finals of Micromouse and Robotracer(what i was in) too. Ah... I qualified as one of the bottom few... He qualified as Number 2 in both competition... T.T
4th day, had to go an hour earlier cause the finals started earlier... The moment we saw the final course, we comforted ourselves with the fact that we had already qualified, and that in itself was a accomplishment... =x Anyway, of the 31 that qualified, only around half the people completed the final course, and i'm proud that my robot did so to, just maybe not at a very fast speed... the surprise of the day? My supervisor won the competition. The defending champion wasted too much of his 3 minutes on the calibration of his sensors. =x
5th day, we had half the day to shop before we had to rush to the airport... Rushed around Shinjuku and Akihabara shopping for last minute things... Should have bought more... T.T
And that's the summary of the trip. Remember, photos on Facebook. Not that hard to find. And that's all for now. Time to see what's happening in Lord of the Rings on TV now... See yah!!
Guess i don't blog as frequent as i used to, been busy with the same old thing anyway... Hopefully after Japan will be more free to do other stuffs... Like vising my usual hangout, facebook-ing like there is no tomorrow, playing basketball ot my heart's content, and the most important of all, having enough sleep.... zzzzz...
During yesterday's breakfast, an interesting topic was touched on. Never expected it to appear in actually come up at such a time. Was having breakfast/lunch/brunch with friends at this Nepalese Restaurant, when someone joined us for a while. We were just discussing about changing the method of spreading messages from emails to me messaging everybody the news, when this person asked why am i able to spare so much messages. I just happen to not message much, and the most i ever used was 300-400+, always falling less than limit offered by the plan. She then said i should have girlfriend or something. And i just said i used the most when i had one.
Then the guy beside me questioned if it was cause we called a lot more, and i think i kind of said yes. He said such an understanding person this girl was. And i added on that we kind of see each other almost everyday, so kind of saved on the bills too. I should have saw the next question coming, but i didn't. And what question was that? "What happened?" Er...
I didn't answer that question. Cause i didn't knew how to.
I really should start on a shopping list for Japan soon, Don't want to miss out anything along the way. Still don't really get the Hello Kitty craze. Isn't it over?? =x
Last Sunday at a relative house, i suddenly realise how many relatives i have to buy back stuffs for. A small token will do, but the sheer amount made me realise i probably will come back with 1 more back then i went there with. Hopefully i make it through customs then...
Man... What's up with Singtel Mio internet anyway?? It screws up my hotmail, and i can only read it in school now... I guess screwing up some web pages aren't enough, it now screws with emails too... Ought to complain sometime soon...
Ah... Hopefully will be able troubleshoot the problem with my program tomorrow... Driving me crazy already. Looks like have to consult the supervisor... Please don't let him be occupied by the other group for the whole day... T.T
It's late. Better get to bed before i end up half dead in school tomorrow... See yah!!
