Getting kinda dusty here,,,

What do people look forward to here anyway?? Some people have been asking me to update my blog. I'm tempted to just end here since it's actually considered an update, but i shall not be that bad. =x

I've just been busy. Busy with school project which have to be done before 4 weeks from now. Before i fly to Japan for competition for my project. Before i die from the pressure i'm putting on myself to complete it as soon as possible without getting distracted by anything or anyone. Kind of makes a a horrible person sometimes, especially when i can't think of how to settle a problem in the project, so sorry if i lost my cool or shouted at anyone, just been very tired and busy... =x

Sometimes we don't know we have gone overboard until we are drowning. That's why i don't like to talk too much sometimes, cause i, like anyone, have this tendency to talk a bit too much and get carried away. Especially nowadays when my patience seems to be wearing a lot thinner lately. Ah... can only hold back for so long before i go crazy again i guess...

Just watched 500 Days of Summer yesterday. Was an interesting movie. It may look like a love story, but it's not really one, just a story of boy meets girl. Some parts made me laugh, other parts were tear jerking, just because i felt i could relate to the feeling, and maybe cause i watched it in the middle of the night all worn out from the day... =x

Wanted to watch the movie with someone, but didn't thought i could find someone to watch it with. Just felt weird going to watch a movie alone, even though i wanted to do that...

Sometimes i wonder if people actually like to discriminate against certain people, or persons. That person screwed you up or is distasteful? It just seems like you are becoming like that person. What difference is there between that person and you if both of you are just as horrible? If you like being horrible then don't care about this then.

Sometimes i look around and i desperation. People desperate for attention. People desperate for affection. And sometimes i wonder why such desperation. Sticking around the girls with hope one will be attracted, flirting with the guys to get their attention. At the end of the day you may become the center of attraction, but at what cost?

Ah... I must be tried... So much nonsense today... I guess i will sleep after slacking around a bit more... See yah!!

Feels Like 12 at 3

When it was 3pm earlier, the sun felt like the usual noon sun... Screwed up weather... =x

I'm wondering if anyone would actually mind if their boyfriend/girlfriend had another girlfriend/boyfriend besides them. It just feels like somebody will be the third party, and whoever that may be won't really seem clear.

I guess is still don't really get some people, those that go around flirting with everyone around. It just gives off the air of desperation around them. Wonder why do they do it though... Insecure? Attention-seeking? Hmm...

Regarding one of my previous post, the one about lies. If you lied, and people found out, please admit it. It's frustrating for people and kind of stupid of you to keep denying the fact that you were lying.

Saw something interesting from the last paragraph from http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/our-daily-bread/2009/09/26/devotion.aspx
It’s better to believe in someone and have your heart broken than to have no heart at all. British poet Alfred Tennyson wrote, “ ’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

I guess that's why i'm still where i am, even after so many times people say those things had happen before. That's just me. And that's why i also don't agree with the operation proposed. It just drives wedges between people. I don't mind getting hurt i guess, as long as i'm being true to myself and who i am, and that the other party is fine. Damn i feel stupid all of a sudden... =x

Okay, i ought to have a early night tonight, going to have to come up with a new code for my robot... And maybe start on the new one too... See yah!!

1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The Wind Blows - The All American Rejects

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xepMH7-yfk

I've got to breathe
You can't take that from me
Cause it's all that you left that's mine
You had to leave
And that's all I can see
But you told me your love was blind

There are times
You're so impossible that I should sign a waiver
And you will find
Someone worth walking on when you ask me to go

I'll leave when the wind blows
Take a breath and there it goes
I'll be outside of your window
I'll pass by but I'll go slow
I'll leave when the wind blows

There was a day
You threw our love away
Then you passed it to someone new
You wanna stay
But since you wanna play
We can finally say we're through

There are times you're so impossible and you ask me to go

I'll leave when the wind blows
Take a breath and there it goes
I'll be outside of your window
I'll pass by but I'll go slow
I'll leave when the wind blows

You can scream there's just echoes
Pass outside of your window
You'll be sad that you let me go
I'll leave but just know

As I lay in solitude
Oh What's a boy supposed to do
I Shake the very thought of you
Me together, I remember
Late nights when I stayed up late
All I do is wait and wait
Your never coming home to me
That's the hardest thing to see

I got to breathe
You can't take that from me
We can finally say we're through

I'll leave when the wind blows
Take a breath and there it goes
I'll be outside of your window
I'll pass by but I'll go slow
I'll leave when the wind blows

You can scream there's just echoes
Pass outside of your window
You'll be sad that you let me go
On every face you'll ever know
And everywhere you ever go
You'll feel when the wind blows

The Lies We Live In

Realized the title could be used as a song title, but that's not the point today/tonight/early this morning anyway.

All of us lied before, be it about the smallest things or biggest things. We lied to our parents, our friends, our teachers, those around us, and ourselves.

We lied, to run away from responsibilities and consequences. We lied, so we didn't have to do much. We lied, because we are scared of what our actions will cause. We lied, for self-interest, not knowing sometimes the truth is all it takes to clear things up.

White lies. Are they necessary?

Why do we lie to others, when all that needs to be done is just to say the truth? Are we really that scared of just admitting a mistake? Hiding the truth, why does it seem to create mistrust? Is it just a natural reaction to the unknown, do not trust something when you don't know the truth? Or does the truth frighten us? The truth that might show the world who we REALLY are, exposing the lies we live in?

Why do we lie to ourselves? Is that the first step to lying to others? If we can deceive ourselves, surly we can deceive anther person? Or is it that if we keep lying to ourselves, one day we would actually really believe in it? We can say there's nothing wrong with our current situation, but why are others able to see that it's all a lie sometimes? Horrible acting or just the sub conscience need for truth?

I find myself lying to myself quite often. "I don't care", when in fact, i want to jump up and settle it right away. Is that ok, to pretend to not care, when every fiber of me wants to care? Am i actually lying to myself?

Are we lying to ourselves, when others see a situation outrageous, but ourselves don't think it is?

Am i lying to myself that i'm fine with the way things are proceeding when i would have liked it to be otherwise? That i'm holding up fine when there are times i wish i could just break down and cry?

Why do we have to hide so many things?

I guess now the problem is that are we able to handle the truth when it comes.

Hmm... Now what should i get for the birthday this Saturday?? Have something in mind already, now to start looking for it later...

Breathe - Taylor Swift ft Colbie Caillat

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.


Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn't work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it's not easy,
Easy for me.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain't easy,
Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry

Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVZaA2s7xYI

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Fireflies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr9EKJatJvA

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You think me rude, but I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they try to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sockhop beneath my bed
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread (thread, thread)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far to tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird cuz I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell)
But I know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
Cause I saved a few and I keep 'em in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause my dreams are bursting at the seams

-Owl City

So now in school alone, going to start digging into my dinner which i brought into the project room. Been a while since i blogged. Just could never really fine the mood or time to blog until now.

Finally finished most of the project design today. Submitting it in tomorrow. For now i guess it's back to studying. 3 papers... Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Hmm... concentrate on the first 2 now, then the in between period go for the last one... Simple enough plan i guess... =x

Met up with pastor last Wednesday just to talk. Older people tend to have better view on things and better advice to give, not that he's very old. =x

Talked about quite a few stuffs i guess, about my life and his life. He's wondering how his life will be affected by his soon-to-be-born baby. Kind of talked a little about how my current CG leaders. They, a couple, are quite interesting. There are times when you can see them bicker and the rest of the group will kind of start looking at each other. But this bickering doesn't talk much about their relationship. They have 3 kids, 2 which are around uni age and doing quite well. And the only conclusion that can be drawn from these kids are that the parents are loving, something that can be quite hard to see at times... =x

Man... Estate management off the air-con earlier then usual today... It's only 6:30pm...

I don't like to hide things. To have to hide usually means that it's not something that you want people to know. And usually people only only hide bad stuffs, wrong stuffs. Almost as good at lying. How would you feel if people were hiding things from you? Lying to you? Not a nice feeling.

If there's something you don't want to let me know or show me, it would be easier to just tell me to turn or go away, cause i will. I won't pester or push to know, unless you tempt me with it... =x

I guess i should be leaving this spot soon, eating alone in this room just feels very weird...

I got not much left to hide i guess. It gets tiring hiding stuffs all the time. Me not hiding anything doesn't mean i will talk about everything. And i'm sure sometimes you may get your answer from the silence.

Ah... I think i got to get out of here... Alone in Alpha Centre just feels weird... Oh well... See yah!!.

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile