Play, Watch, Eat, Sleep, Play, Watch, Eat, Sleep...

Man... got to get myself to start doing my holiday homework sometime soon. But i have been playing, watching, eating and sleeping. Playing Dota with my sis and her friends. And yes, that is my sis and her MALE friends. Watching anime, Zoids Genesis in particular. IT ROXS!!! Eating? Everybody eats. Sleep? Never will be able to sleep beyond 8:30am. Why? Morning sun shining in my face. Another reason why i can't get myself to do my work? TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! I am going to enjoy it. Don't spoil it please.

Hey people! Another suitable present you can get me is tha u download all the recent episodes of Zoids Genesis for me. I can't do it as my dad doesn't allow any of us in teh family to use bit torrent. Come on... jsut do it for me. It is free too!! Save alot of $$ leh... hehehe... It will save me the trouble of always searching for it at youtube.

Thats all for now. Tomorrow i will put up the poem for my birthday. It is meant to be funny so try not take it too seriously. And anyone who can join me tomorrow to watch a movie meet at 11am at serangoon mrt station. SEE YAH PEOPLE AROUND!!!

ARGH!!!

Want to scream. Shout out loud. Today was chinese 'O' levels paper 1 and 2. I've got a feeling i flunk my paper 2 close passage... ARGH!!! Did that passage before and i cannot remember answer... ARGH!!! Going to play CS? Maybe just to release all the "ARGH!!!"s, i will.

Feeling down? Of course!!! Want to kill somebody but you know you can't? How you know? Want to talk to someone? Yeah... And this has to happen before my birthday... ARGH!!! No use looming over it, people say. But peopel aren't the ones feeling this feeling. Try this: i suck at chinese and had been studying like crap the pass few days and you feel i feel i messed up on the actual day. ARGH!!! Trash CS... I am going to practise Dota with AIs... That sounds better...

I have prepared a poem for my birthday. It is funy but i can't seem to laugh to it now. It will be published on my birthday. When is it? Find out yourself. I didbn't have a profile link at the side for nothing. If it is not there, too bad for you(for not being able to find out) and me (for not being able to get a present from you.).

Thats should be enough rants for today. See yah peopel around!!

Chilling... Not...

Study chinese for the whole week... just for the D-day tomorrow. Will i be able to sleep tonight? I don't think so. Like on friday night i stayed up till 12 for no reason. Watched TV until 12 before going to bed. And i didn't sleep straight away. I never really do.

My spectacles nose-bit broke off today. My dad just glued it back. And now is is stuck such that it can't wriggle about. Stiff man... Hope this doesn't affect me tomorrow.

All the best to those doing their 'O' Levels tomorrow. I don't believe in luck so don't ask me to say good luck. I believe in skill and a little in destiny, that is if you are meant to pass you will. See you people around!!

Opps... For Nothing.

My dad is back from the hospital. Doctors couldn't find anything wrong with him.

Chinese "O" Levels are only a few days away. Feeling the stree already... At least right afetr it is my birthday. Something to look forward to. Today's chinese intensive wasn't so intensive. Or is it becasue i have gotten used to the pace? Only time will tell...

That's all for today folks. See yah around!!

Posting to pass the time

Back here again. My dad has just been hospitalised for chest pains. different from mine because his is probably heart problem. So he got to spend the night under observation. Damn boring one unless you manage to sleep through. Trust me. I know what it is like, cause it happened to me before.

3rd day of chinese intensive. Had a cold through out the whole day. Going to get an early night tonight. Need the rest. Almost slept in class today, but i didn't. But couldn't really concentrate in class anyway...

That's probably all for today. See you people around. I wonder if anyone special is reading my blog now...

Just For You People

Leaving

I'm leaving Now
Don't even try to stop me
I'm leaving here
Leaving the past all behind me
I just can't take it anymore
The pain, the hurt
The words, the guilt
I'm saying bye to all
To all who ever known me

This is for all who knew me
I'm sorry for giving up so easily
But this ain't the place for me
And I need to be free
Os I'm leaving, So long
It's been nice knowing you all

Got the idea from listening to a song in my fathers car when words "pop"ed into my head that went with the music. Reached school and wrote it down. HAH. Talk about sudden inspiration. That's all for today. See yah around.

Welcome To My Life

The extra responsibility given to me meant I will have to face many challenges. For doing what is right, I get despised. Guess that’s what life gives you in the end.

I don’t mind being hated for doing something right. It is better than being liked for doing something wrong.

Realised I never mentioned any names of the involved people in my entries yet? I choose not to judge people, no matter how much I want to. So much easier it is to just say so-and-so is such a person. But no. This is a problem I guess we have to settle ourselves.

See this smile on my face? It is just an image. Hear the laughter? It is just a sound.

Those who I thought understood me didn’t. Only a few stayed by my side. Guess only in this kind of situations do one finds out who the true friends are.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Integrity. Honesty. Values drilled into me since I was young. Never knew it why at first. Looking back, It shaped me who I am. Good or bad, your point of view. I can’t change that. Conscience is something I have plenty of. It is what usually brings me to think about suicide. Ever heard of a conscience killing? Mine does. If I don’t do something when I can’t, the guilt will be there.

What is right? What is wrong? All I know now is to do what seems right to me at the moment.

What do you believe in? That the wrong should be punished? The righteous rewarded? My stand has been clear from the start. And you don’t have to be with me. I try to do what best for the moment. So what will you do in my position? If I was given another chance to prevent all this from happening, I will still do the same.

For my cause, you can say I am also willing to die for it.

Life will never be fair, from where I am standing. Things are never that simple. No matter how much I want things to work out, it never does. Easy for all to blame me, but what about yourselves? Guess it is human nature to look for someone to blame and not look at what we ourselves have done.

It never rains but it pours.

The challenge is to live life to the fullest. The challengers: us. We have different definitions for “living life to the fullest”. The conflict of ideas causes the fights out there. Lucky if you can find someone who ideas are the same as yours. Cause unlike me, I stand alone most of the time.

This is my responsibility. Mine alone to bear and suffer.

When I decided to continue being a councillor in sec2, I wasn’t thinking about myself. I was thinking if I could make a difference in the school. In the life of people. Will I be living life to the fullest. Will I be letting anyone down. Now look the mess I got caught up in. Is it worth it? I don’t know. I will never know until it is over.

With great power comes great responsibility. And with responsibility comes burdens one has to face.

I got early retirement from my CCA because of my health. Guess early retirement form the council no different? Only thing I will be left out of are the retirement gifts? Maybe I should also just retire from everything I am doing. Seems to be easier… Hey, it is easier! But I ain’t going to do that. Cause once I start doing something, I will stick with it still the end. Try and stop me you can try but you are going to have a lot of problems trying to.

If someone hits you one your right cheek, will you turn your other cheek?

Bad mood now as you people can see. Maybe i should just go and play some violent gaes or take a walk to cheer up. See yah around.

Did You Ever Tried To Understand Me?

Go on, say "you sux" to me for doing my job. I don't mind. I am not so sensitive that i would think all nigth about what you people say about me... NOT. Like i said before: You've got a problem with me doing my duty, look for the person who assigned that job to me. Do i like to give out detention or being the messager that someone got detention? NO! But that's my job and i intend to do it cause it iswhat i am supposed to do. So you argue with me that you see it pointless to go for detention over just forgetting to do canteen duty. But if i don't give you detention, what about the rest of the people i gave detention to earlier?

You argued with me over why you get detention over such a small thing but councillors don't get anything for doing anything wrong? Cause you never see us get punished. You may never will. No one else beside those involved will. We councillors are pushed harder than normal students. Do you understand the pressure? Oh... you are a monitor? But you can't see things from my point of view? For that, I actually feel sad for you. You weren't given a choice to become a monitor and i was chose to remain a councillor? I am at such a stage that backing out of the council is not a solution anymore. So i chose to accept what i am and live up to the responsibilities. What about you? Are you still complaining about why you became a monitor in the first place?

Bring in your mom if you want to. All your friends too if you wish to do so. I took my stand and ain't backing down. I've chose to live up to the challenge. What about you? Shun and run away from it? That talks a lot about who you are. You find that it is outrageous that you are getting detention for just not getting a piece of paper from me? Well, that's the word from the head. Got a problem, go look for her, Not pester me to let go of my stand and make me waste 45 minutes.

Whew... finally a load off my mind. Wanna curse me? That's what the tagboard is for. Kick me in the... where ever you want? Do it the next time you see me then. Just remember to call the ambulance after you are done. The number's 995. Praises are also welcomed, that is if you have any. Signing off here.

Dreamt Last Night

I dreamt about you again
Last night in my slumber
I felt the radience of your face
I felt the warm smile
And your laughter by my side
You were right next to me
And not there at all
You were reassuring
All i did was panic
But things went okay
And it all worked out

Then"phoof", my hand hit the cupboard next to the bed and i woke up... and a few seconds later my alarm clock rang... talk about timing... And Nat, she is not who who you are thinking of. Or it may be... or not... :P MUAHAHAHAHA...

That's enough for today... just wanted to express myself. See you people around?

Oh Well...

Picture, pictures, pictures... That's probably the reason i almost fail my art. (another factor is laziness but back on topic XP ) I have never been good at picking pictures or art. The only thing i usually leave out of powerpoint presentation are pictures. Now my blogskins usually leave out pictures. Sigh... Got to learn how to do pictures... Minda got the talent, of course his skins are nice... Got to learn from the pros how and when do they take photos...

Feel liek coming out with some lines of words again. Here i go:

Lousey pain in my chest
Please go away
Leave me alone
Just for another day
Thanks to you i can't play
And have fun all day

Lousey pain in my chest
Please go away
Walk out the door
And not turn back
Just give me time without your face
Without me feeling the strain

Interesting thing i came out with. Many don't know this but once in a while i will swallow painkillers without anyone knowing. SweeHao saw me once. This pain is only slight so i usually can't be bothered by it. Porbably only when something important is coming up will i take it. And i am not addicted to it. It is the kind that no one can get addicted to. No drugs inside. And i don't take the painkillers unless absolute necessary so don't tell me not to do anything unless you are very sure it is bad for me. Why did i say that? Cause i know you people will.

Crap... I sound too serious now... Got to lighten the mood... WHat can i do to lighten the mood? Nothing now i guess... Opps, that sounds bad. I can't lighten the mood? Man... Got to get some tips from WeiJin. XP

That's all for today. No more smiling endings now. Just be yourself, and you will find out who you really are.

Nothing In Particular...

Just wrote finish this mess of words. No title for it yet. Any ideas? Where is it? Here you go

I seat in the dark
Waiting for the phone to ring
I seat in the dark
Waiting for the call from you
I seat in the dark
Waiting for a simple message
I seat in the dark
Waiting for what that may never come

I shun the light
Which take my sight
I shun the lives
Which blocked my path
I miss the time
With you by my side
I wish that we
Were never done

I long to be noticed
Who knew that?
I wish to make an impact
Who knew that?
I live in darkness
Who knows that?
I’ve tried my best
Who knows that?

Where were you when
I needed a shoulder?
Where were you when
I was all alone?
Where were you when
I needed a listening ear?
Where were you when

I wished you were here?
When you needed a hand
I was there give mine
When you lost your step
I was there to hold you up
When you lost hope

I was there to bring you back
When you stood up
I was there to support you
Who will be there for me
I want to know

Who will be there for me
I wish to know
Who will stand by my side
I need to know
Who will forgive me
I wish I knew

Ther you go. Comments at the same place: the tagboard. That's all i for the holiday today. So till next time, SMILE!!!

Update What??

What you people want me update on? Less than a week didn't post then you people like that already... I studying for chinese cannot ah? Don't try pushing me to update, cause i will. Only problem will be the matter of time... :P

Miss chew talked to KahLeong and me today after our chinese papers. Actually it is about studies. About how to get the A1s we want... You get the idea...

This will will be my blog's 100-th post. Long way i came from last year. From the depressed me to the not so depressed me... XP
I don't want to look back. I will just think too much. Just trying to take things the way they are now... step by step in my studies... in my life... And did you know: I am a very immatured person. Yes i am!! I talk too much... laugh too much... crap too much... think till alot... worry too much... lame too much... you get the idea. I am sure many of you will agree on this. Any objections, please post on the tagboard. Call me a sadist all you want, but as long as people are happy with it, i don't mind.

I have a very wish that once someone commented was very dangerous. Not just to me but to everybody. I wish for everybody around me to be happy. Seems innocent, but think harder. Some of you will only be happy only after certain bad things happen. Then someone else not happy, then if that person becomes happy, someone else becomes unhappy... lousy wish i have... Thus they say, you can't always get what you want.

There are alot of unhappy people recently... Maureen is sad over something... Minda is sad over somethings... Sammy seems sad in class... PohChun isn't talking as much as he used to... And there may be more i haven't noticed... my advice may not be the best, but it is worth listening to: Whatever happened has happened, there is no way anyone can turn back the clock to change anything. Just take things the way they are, and when you can make a difference, make a difference. Thinking too much about something is only going to stress yourself out. How do i know? Cause i was like that too. I got "enlightened" one day while i was walking how from school. The exact thought was: It just wasn't meant to be. Alot of things for me just wasn' meant to be. Guess life got less complicated for me then on and i was more happy. :D

That's all the gibberish i have for today... And please stop pushing met ot update, unless you people are addicted to my blog. XP Cause i know when is the right time for me to update. So till next time, keep smiling...

OUCH!!

For those who didn't read my previous post, pleaswe do and commetn on it cause i want to know what you people think about it.

I got burned at the chemistry lab today. The chemical just poped out of the test tube with out any warning it was going to blow... thanks goodness the pain is less frequent already... Cause if it was till painful, i don't know how will i be able to sleep tonight...

Today's night study was fun, and enriching too. (Now how can it be fun and enriching or what ever at the same time? Oh well... i don't know how to explain it...) studied for the chemistry test tomorrow. Never knew working with other people could cause me to push myself harder. I guess seeing them work hard only motivates me to work harder too. SO YOU PEOPEL BETTER WORK HARD HOR!!! Or else i also die liao...

Thats all i am going to type for today. Remember to read the previous post. It will test your patience, as it is so long... hehehe... So till next time, keep smiling!!!

Motivation / The Irony Of It All...

There are two titles cause i feel like discussing about two things at the moment. On to the first topic...

What all of us want now: motivation to work hard. We want people around us to help encourage us. There is nothing wrong with that. I believe this year, even thought it may be the hardest for us in our lives in secondary school, we can only get through if we work together. (Don't ask me why am i typing about this, i just felt the need to for don't know what reason.) Now here is the hard part: Working together as a class. Not that i am doubting our class spirit or anything, but what we seem to lack is the power to channel it to where ever we want it to. We have class spirit, but it only comes in short burst of energy. I have never seem the class more united than anything compared to last year. We still seem still be progressing in terms of class spirit. But are there people being left out of the development? Are there cliques that are unwilling to change? These cases cannot be found, interestingly.

Many of us are feeling the pressure now, with so many class tests and with the 'O' Levels drawing nearer by the day. I have learnt it the hard way that depending on oneself will only lead to alot of problems for oneself. But the problem for me now is to break out from my comfort zone. I prefer to be alone sometimes and am also anti-social at times too. I want to have more friends. But sometimes getting myself to become more socialble is easier to visualise then do. I can visualise from all different points of view how am i going to socialise more, but in the end i get tongue tied and the plan never gets into action. My results now may seem nice and may look like it is my own, but i own it to many people around me who has been supporting and teaching me.(Want me to name some? The whole class lah...) And i want to thank you peole for the help you have provided me. But i am an unfinished product, a rough diamond. The end result can only be seen at the end of the year, which i hope by then all of us will be glitterin brightly.

WOW... I can't believe i just typed all that... (quote Calvin: "On fire!!") But back on track, The second part...

The irony of it all.
The person who seems to need the least help may need the most help.
The person who seems the most logical may be the most illogical.
The person who seems the most socialble may be the most un-socialble.
The person who seems to need no friends may may need friends around.
The person who seems the most happy may be the most depressed. (The past me. Now i m not sure)

People around you may say they do not need help, but fro all you know, they really need it. People may say they are not in pain, but the truth is that they may be in alot of pain. (peopel who know me well enough will know this applies to me) People may not seem to be suffering, but they be suffering inside. Why does this happen? They don't want people to worry about them cause they will feel very guilty for sharing their burden with other people. And if the other person gets in to trouble because of them, the guilt may become unbearable.

I am here now to tell this people(me included, cause i need soem convincing too...) this: You are not alone. There are people around you who are willign to help you through your difficult times: FRIENDS!! PARENTS!!(althought some may disagree with the second one...) But remember, you are never alone. There will always at least someone around you who will be there for you. Take your time to find that person. Cause that person may be just right next to you. And when you feel down, remember there is always someone out there who still cares for you even though you don't knwo who it is. You may not know who that person is, but he/she will taking care of you quietly, something like a guardian angel. So cheer up people, cause life shouldn't seem so bad after what i have just pointed out.

Look liek this is my longest post to date... WOW... I still can't believe i managed this feat... Oh well, till next time, try to stay smiling for me okay? If i make you puke, just smile for yourself.

Want Me to Blog? Here You Go... Or I Go... Or Whatever...

What to blog about huh? Want me to blog, don't give me topic, inspiration? Have to pick up topic from mid-air again? Oh well... here i go...

Today is labour day. Holiday, so stay at home. What did i do today? Let me see... read blogs... started on a new blogskin... did a little revision... and eat... and read blogs... and the rest are classified. Two days ago, i decided to clean up my table. When ever my mom asked me to do it, i didn't. But then, i just got the sudden inspiraton to pack it up. It it is so clear, unlike last time i had to struggle to do a maths graph question. Now i can do a few with ease on my table...

My new blodskin got me excited. Casue it is neither black nor white!!! Finally i am using some other colour!!! It it looks not bad too, for a first-timer using adobe photoshop. YAY!!!

Man... must be listening to too much love songs recently... cause i am thinking of her again... ARGH!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Just please come back after my 'O' Levels, that's all i ask... Why have i been listening to so much love songs? Cause i listen to the radio alot and when ever Sam Lim introduces a song on her blog, i go check it out and most of the time like what i listen to. And most of them are songs about relationships... Can't blame me, the songs are nice... only problem is what i think of when i hear them... ARGH!!!

Inspiration from no where again:

I stand at a corner
Hoping you will notice me
With the attention i show
Why do you ignore me?
My phone is by me all the time
Hoping you will just call
And talk to me

Do you notice me?
Do you know i am even there?
Am i just no one to you?
Or am i just a friend?
Or another enemy?
Are my messages just a pest?
Or i am the one?

I shall end here... reason? I am already struggling to come up with the lines... It is tiring just even to come up with the first line... so appreciate it...

Should i end here or continue? Got mixed feelings about whether should i come up with a long post or just end here? Okay... I shall... continue to rant...

Let me introduce to you one of my favourite anime: Gundam Seed. What is it about? People in big robots fighting one another? No... there is more to that then it seems... It's story line may be abit complicated, but there is where it excels in. To not be a spoiler but also introduce it, i shall introduce a few situation found in the anime: My best friend is my enemy. Both of the main characters ended up killing each other friends. The character development is amazing to a certain extent. Your point of view get switched so many times that there is no clear good guy or bad guy by the middle of the series. That's all the info i can give already... phew...

I am going to end here... So till next time, keep smiling!! (Or you know what will happen to you...) AND STOP CALLING ME LUNGLESS!!! I HAVE TWO NORAML LUNGS HERE!!! Why don't you people do some research on pneumothorax before calling me any other names too? I would appreciate that.