Let it all go, Kelvin. Let go of the pain, the anger, the hurt. Let God take care of it. It's no more my job to worry about them, let the big guy up there take over.
Happy New Year people. See yah next year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Details in The Fabric - Jason Mraz & James Morrision
Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up
If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine
Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything
Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything
Hold your own
And know your name
Go your own way
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)
Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine? (Go your own way)
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own)
Hell no reason go on and scream (Know your name)
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold
And nothing happens without reason. Even that dream had a purpose. Showed me that i have yet to fully let go. Before New Year, i'll settle everything. Tomorrow night will be away for watch-night service in church till midnight. See yah.
Monday, December 29, 2008
So What is Right?
Here is a extract from a comic. The situation is this: There is a civil war between heroes. They have been split into 2 faction, one that requires heroes to register, another which defends the rights of heroes to have their identities secret to protect those they love. Lines were drawn. Iron Man was part of the registration, while Captain America went against it. Spiderman was initially on the registration side, and unmasked himself to public. But after a while, he realised that he was on the wrong side. He then went back live on TV to announce that he is against it and decide to join Cap's side instead. Here is part of the conversation when Spiderman asks Cap how is it that he can be a traitor to his country when HE represents the country.
Cap turns away and says, "I remember the first time I really understood what it was to be an American... What it was to be a patriot."
"I was just a kid... A million years ago, it seems sometimes. Maybe twelve. I was reading Mark Twain.
And he wrote something that struck me right down to my core...something so powerful, so true, that it changed my life. I memorized it so I could repeat it to myself, over and over across the years. He wrote --'In a republic, who is the country?
Is it the government which is for the moment in the saddle? Why, the government is merely a temporary servant: it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. It's function is to obey orders, not originate them.
Who, then is the country? Is it the newspaper? Is it the pulpit? Why, these are mere parts of the country, not the whole of it, they have not command, they have only their little share in the command.
In a monarchy, the king and his family are the country: In a republic it is the common voice of the people each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.
It is a solemn and weighty responsibility, and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government, or the empty catchphrases of politicians.
Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man.
To decide it against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.
If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way, and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have your duty by yourself and by your country. Hold up your head. You have nothing to be ashamed of'."
Cap continues, "Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right.
This nation was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences.
When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree besides the river of truth, and tell the whole world--
--No you move."
This extract may seem to apply to America in the story, but i feel the concept applies to everyone. So what are you rooted in? Do you dare step up for what is right? Or are you going to just go with flow cause everyone is? Are you going to step up for the truth even when no one else dares to? What will you do?
Man... The new DJ max is just more more darker then the previous one. Its about the same though, hopefully got some new songs inside...
Hmmm... Hopefully will be able to get find some stuff tomorrow when i go out... Planning to do a little shopping for New Year and maybe a late Christmas present... ARGH... Pay have yet to arrive...
I guess that's about all for now... Hopefully my knee feeling weak won't last long and ankle will recover soon... Want to play basketball soon... Guess its a good time to practice playing the guitar anyway...
That's all for now. See yah!
Why does a dream of seeing her with him piss me off that much? And why would i have such a dream anyway?
Cap turns away and says, "I remember the first time I really understood what it was to be an American... What it was to be a patriot."
"I was just a kid... A million years ago, it seems sometimes. Maybe twelve. I was reading Mark Twain.
And he wrote something that struck me right down to my core...something so powerful, so true, that it changed my life. I memorized it so I could repeat it to myself, over and over across the years. He wrote --'In a republic, who is the country?
Is it the government which is for the moment in the saddle? Why, the government is merely a temporary servant: it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. It's function is to obey orders, not originate them.
Who, then is the country? Is it the newspaper? Is it the pulpit? Why, these are mere parts of the country, not the whole of it, they have not command, they have only their little share in the command.
In a monarchy, the king and his family are the country: In a republic it is the common voice of the people each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.
It is a solemn and weighty responsibility, and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government, or the empty catchphrases of politicians.
Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man.
To decide it against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.
If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way, and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have your duty by yourself and by your country. Hold up your head. You have nothing to be ashamed of'."
Cap continues, "Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right.
This nation was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences.
When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree besides the river of truth, and tell the whole world--
--No you move."
This extract may seem to apply to America in the story, but i feel the concept applies to everyone. So what are you rooted in? Do you dare step up for what is right? Or are you going to just go with flow cause everyone is? Are you going to step up for the truth even when no one else dares to? What will you do?
Man... The new DJ max is just more more darker then the previous one. Its about the same though, hopefully got some new songs inside...
Hmmm... Hopefully will be able to get find some stuff tomorrow when i go out... Planning to do a little shopping for New Year and maybe a late Christmas present... ARGH... Pay have yet to arrive...
I guess that's about all for now... Hopefully my knee feeling weak won't last long and ankle will recover soon... Want to play basketball soon... Guess its a good time to practice playing the guitar anyway...
That's all for now. See yah!
Why does a dream of seeing her with him piss me off that much? And why would i have such a dream anyway?
Sunday, December 28, 2008
And When All The Emotions Finally Burn Away
All that's left is all you see.
I guess in the end it was just something never meant to be.
Now i'm wondering what promises i'm holding on to.
Looks like some stuff never really mattered in the first place.
I encouraged people to keep in contact with their friends, maybe because i'm suck at it.
Let's see what the future has in stored for you, me, them, everyone.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6
I guess in the end it was just something never meant to be.
Now i'm wondering what promises i'm holding on to.
Looks like some stuff never really mattered in the first place.
I encouraged people to keep in contact with their friends, maybe because i'm suck at it.
Let's see what the future has in stored for you, me, them, everyone.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Massive Cleanup...
Yesterday, the house went through a massive cleanup operation... Walls were scrubbed... Peeling paint scrapped off... Things thrown away... The usual spring cleaning except not during spring.
Looks like today will be my last session as a youth, from next year onwards will be going to young adults instead. Hmm... Another 6 years before moving on again... Hmm... Now wondering what will my next 6 years be like... Oh well, will enjoy this final time as a youth before moving on.
Hmm.. Later tonight attending a Christmas dinner. The company my mom is working at organised it. Hopefully will be able to eat my fill tonight. One last time of just gouging myself before new year. To just eat away all the last few worries of mine.
Just wondering about something. Sometimes the truth hurts, doesn't mean that if it hurts its the truth. Cause if truth brings about hurt, its the kind of hurt that allows healing to take place. Else, its nothing more then hurt like those brought about by insults, that will never be healed that easily.
That's all for now. My life is going to need a massive cleanup like my house. Now where should i start...
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Lifehouse - Broken
Looks like today will be my last session as a youth, from next year onwards will be going to young adults instead. Hmm... Another 6 years before moving on again... Hmm... Now wondering what will my next 6 years be like... Oh well, will enjoy this final time as a youth before moving on.
Hmm.. Later tonight attending a Christmas dinner. The company my mom is working at organised it. Hopefully will be able to eat my fill tonight. One last time of just gouging myself before new year. To just eat away all the last few worries of mine.
Just wondering about something. Sometimes the truth hurts, doesn't mean that if it hurts its the truth. Cause if truth brings about hurt, its the kind of hurt that allows healing to take place. Else, its nothing more then hurt like those brought about by insults, that will never be healed that easily.
That's all for now. My life is going to need a massive cleanup like my house. Now where should i start...
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Lifehouse - Broken
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
What's a Birthday Party Without the Birthday Person?
And so it is Christmas. Many are probably out there celebrating the festival, having fun, parties, food, drinks and so on. But what's Christmas? Basically its a birthday celebration. Birthday of who? Jesus Christ. So what's the use of celebrating someone's birthday if the main person isn't invited? Just some thoughts about today.
Went church in the morning for Christmas service. It has been a long time since the church had a Christmas service. The past few years were celebrated during the earlier Sundays. Had a buffet lunch that ran out a little too early, probably not enough food, but the atmosphere was great. Its been a long time since the church has been overflowing with people. It was one of those few times when i had problem weaving through crowds in church and not often does that happen.
After lunch went home, rested and played a little... At least until i didn't feel like playing anymore. Man, i get bored of games quite quickly... Had dinner and here-i-m (No pun intended) now.
Sometimes i wonder if Christmas would be better if celebrated with someone special, but i realised that would be missing the purpose of Christmas itself. It's someone else's birthday, not just any other festival. But it doesn't mean i can't make the best of the celebration. The celebraton would probably be more happier with someoen special, but i guess it should steal the spotlight away from the main person.
Man... going to give the company a few days grace before i start chasing for money again... 3 months going to be 4 months... I guess can say i quite suay, so long still haven't get paid. But that's what happens when you work for a small company... Next time, look for a bigger company...
I realised after many times of emotional turmoil in my life, that usually after the turmoil, i will go through a few cycles of depression and anger. Depressed at first at the situation, then angry at everything, then depressed again for being angry and at the situation, then anger, then depression, anger, depression... Until i finally break out of the cycle when i'm finally able to pick myself up. I wonder what stage i'm at now...
Just heard on the radio, Christmas is also a time for love and desperate people. Christmas got to be more then that. Kind of screwed if people only concentrated on that part.
I guess that's all for today. Will probably be sleeping earlier, feeling fatigue getting to me... Feeling myself drifting away towards the flying pigs and floating hearts... See yah next time. And have a Merry Christmas!
And maybe the dreams of you would stop.
Went church in the morning for Christmas service. It has been a long time since the church had a Christmas service. The past few years were celebrated during the earlier Sundays. Had a buffet lunch that ran out a little too early, probably not enough food, but the atmosphere was great. Its been a long time since the church has been overflowing with people. It was one of those few times when i had problem weaving through crowds in church and not often does that happen.
After lunch went home, rested and played a little... At least until i didn't feel like playing anymore. Man, i get bored of games quite quickly... Had dinner and here-i-m (No pun intended) now.
Sometimes i wonder if Christmas would be better if celebrated with someone special, but i realised that would be missing the purpose of Christmas itself. It's someone else's birthday, not just any other festival. But it doesn't mean i can't make the best of the celebration. The celebraton would probably be more happier with someoen special, but i guess it should steal the spotlight away from the main person.
Man... going to give the company a few days grace before i start chasing for money again... 3 months going to be 4 months... I guess can say i quite suay, so long still haven't get paid. But that's what happens when you work for a small company... Next time, look for a bigger company...
I realised after many times of emotional turmoil in my life, that usually after the turmoil, i will go through a few cycles of depression and anger. Depressed at first at the situation, then angry at everything, then depressed again for being angry and at the situation, then anger, then depression, anger, depression... Until i finally break out of the cycle when i'm finally able to pick myself up. I wonder what stage i'm at now...
Just heard on the radio, Christmas is also a time for love and desperate people. Christmas got to be more then that. Kind of screwed if people only concentrated on that part.
I guess that's all for today. Will probably be sleeping earlier, feeling fatigue getting to me... Feeling myself drifting away towards the flying pigs and floating hearts... See yah next time. And have a Merry Christmas!
And maybe the dreams of you would stop.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Cheap Blows
I realised that there are 2 main types of emotional hurt i go through. 1st type are those hurts that bring about more hurt. 2nd type are those hurts that brings about healing. So ever thought about what kind of hurt you are causing? It's simple to see. If the person doesn't become any better or becomes worst, its hurt that bring more hurt. Think before thinking about hurting.
Christmas is tomorrow. Gave on on Christmas shopping. Have yet to get my pay. Probably would arrive next year at this rate... Oh well, sometimes life gets so low that nothing can bring you lower.
I wonder if some people know if really is going on before commenting. Are you even bothering to find out the whole story instead of just taking it at face value? I guess someone else got irritated by it already. Me? Let's just say that i see the first kind of hurt being applied here. And the best part? Not really being realised. You can continue. We know what kind of result it will have. Don't care? Well, just seems like the the 2nd part of the 1st hurt is being brought about. That's all i've got to say. Now, this is not directed at you if you don't think it is. If you think it is, could always ask me if you like.
And the above paragraph isn't linked to the below few paragraphs.
If you want to solve a problem, it will neve turn out worst then before in the end. Drama series are drama series, and even in drama series, things always ends up better even if it doesn't work out in the end. What matters is the intention. What are your intentions? For what cause? Remeber i said lets just stay friends? I'm not the kind who just say something just for the sake of saying. I will do only what i can say. The thing is that you were never alone. There have always been friends around. Sometimes people are dumb as in they don't do things unless you tell them. Likewise for help, sometimes people don't know you need help until you ask for it.
I don't hide what i really feel from my friends. What is there to hide? When i'm not happy i show them i'm not happy. When i'm happy, i smile. Friends should encourage you to show what you feel, not hide it inside. Don't pretend to be something you are not. Be who you are.
Remember there was once i told you that what ever choice you made, be it change course to chase a dream or be it stay in teh same course, i'll support as a friend? Never backed out of it. So the same is said of whatever choice you make further down, i'll advice as a friend. And after you have made your choice, i'll support. That's the most i can promise you or anyone at the moment.
Change is inevitable. People change everyday, all the time. The only question is still is the change for the better or the worst. We can't deny that nothing changed, but what has it changed to? What has it changed to?
Will we one day look back and not have regrets? Or will we be regretful over what we could have done but didn't?
Man... Twisted my ankle yesterday while playing basketball... Went to Chinatown to see the sensei today, not as painful as i thought it would be. All he did was some pulling here and there, and after a snap, it felt so much better. Took a photo of my bandaged leg, but somehow the photo got lost somewhere... Looks like will be relying on my ankel brace for a while...
I wonder if i'm reading too much into things again...
Looks like Dissidia on PSP still can't keep my mind out of trouble. I still have to take time off to think about stuff. Too much gaming turn brains to mush anyway. =x
About 3 hours more before Chirstmas. I wonder if those people who celebrate Christmas know the real meaning of it, where the idea of giving gifts come from. Christmas isn't just about giving, it's about the greatest gift ever given to the world. He came to give peace, hope and love. He's the reason i can still go on when i see no reason for me to go on. The light at the end of the tunnel. What's yours?
I thought that Christmas this year would be different. Its different from last year alright, but not the different i expected. Likewise the same could be said of Valentines next year, but let's leave it till then shall we?
I wonder what's life going to throw at me next. Need to prepare better armor before then. Hmm... What should i use? Bulletproof? Or just reuse the old one already full of holes? Hmm... Chocies...
I guess that's about all for now people. Have a Merry Christmas Ahead!
All i saw are people running away. I was left alone. But i never was alone, you were always there.
Christmas is tomorrow. Gave on on Christmas shopping. Have yet to get my pay. Probably would arrive next year at this rate... Oh well, sometimes life gets so low that nothing can bring you lower.
I wonder if some people know if really is going on before commenting. Are you even bothering to find out the whole story instead of just taking it at face value? I guess someone else got irritated by it already. Me? Let's just say that i see the first kind of hurt being applied here. And the best part? Not really being realised. You can continue. We know what kind of result it will have. Don't care? Well, just seems like the the 2nd part of the 1st hurt is being brought about. That's all i've got to say. Now, this is not directed at you if you don't think it is. If you think it is, could always ask me if you like.
And the above paragraph isn't linked to the below few paragraphs.
If you want to solve a problem, it will neve turn out worst then before in the end. Drama series are drama series, and even in drama series, things always ends up better even if it doesn't work out in the end. What matters is the intention. What are your intentions? For what cause? Remeber i said lets just stay friends? I'm not the kind who just say something just for the sake of saying. I will do only what i can say. The thing is that you were never alone. There have always been friends around. Sometimes people are dumb as in they don't do things unless you tell them. Likewise for help, sometimes people don't know you need help until you ask for it.
I don't hide what i really feel from my friends. What is there to hide? When i'm not happy i show them i'm not happy. When i'm happy, i smile. Friends should encourage you to show what you feel, not hide it inside. Don't pretend to be something you are not. Be who you are.
Remember there was once i told you that what ever choice you made, be it change course to chase a dream or be it stay in teh same course, i'll support as a friend? Never backed out of it. So the same is said of whatever choice you make further down, i'll advice as a friend. And after you have made your choice, i'll support. That's the most i can promise you or anyone at the moment.
Change is inevitable. People change everyday, all the time. The only question is still is the change for the better or the worst. We can't deny that nothing changed, but what has it changed to? What has it changed to?
Will we one day look back and not have regrets? Or will we be regretful over what we could have done but didn't?
Man... Twisted my ankle yesterday while playing basketball... Went to Chinatown to see the sensei today, not as painful as i thought it would be. All he did was some pulling here and there, and after a snap, it felt so much better. Took a photo of my bandaged leg, but somehow the photo got lost somewhere... Looks like will be relying on my ankel brace for a while...
I wonder if i'm reading too much into things again...
Looks like Dissidia on PSP still can't keep my mind out of trouble. I still have to take time off to think about stuff. Too much gaming turn brains to mush anyway. =x
About 3 hours more before Chirstmas. I wonder if those people who celebrate Christmas know the real meaning of it, where the idea of giving gifts come from. Christmas isn't just about giving, it's about the greatest gift ever given to the world. He came to give peace, hope and love. He's the reason i can still go on when i see no reason for me to go on. The light at the end of the tunnel. What's yours?
I thought that Christmas this year would be different. Its different from last year alright, but not the different i expected. Likewise the same could be said of Valentines next year, but let's leave it till then shall we?
I wonder what's life going to throw at me next. Need to prepare better armor before then. Hmm... What should i use? Bulletproof? Or just reuse the old one already full of holes? Hmm... Chocies...
I guess that's about all for now people. Have a Merry Christmas Ahead!
All i saw are people running away. I was left alone. But i never was alone, you were always there.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
CG Gathering About 2 Weeks Ago...
Game of Saboteur... Wasn't playing very well then... T.T
Shopping list of some stuff that were left out
Getting down and dirty, trying out kneading the dough for the pizza
Pizza and the toppings we had. And Nicole waving at the camera for some reason. =x
Collage ripped of 2nd Mom's blog. =x Thanks for the photos. (:
Shopping list of some stuff that were left out
Getting down and dirty, trying out kneading the dough for the pizza
Pizza and the toppings we had. And Nicole waving at the camera for some reason. =x
Collage ripped of 2nd Mom's blog. =x Thanks for the photos. (:
Monday, December 22, 2008
Under The Water, Into The Waves
And the camp was great. Had a great group of Kyser, Reuben, Kar Seng, Pei Shi, Zachary, Louisa, Yvonne, Amanda, Nathaniel, James, Bella, Alvin and Pamela. Even though we were operating at 50% manpower most of the time, we still did our best. Enjoyed those 3 days with you people.
First day just checked in with a heavy bag, a heavy soul, a broken heart and a exhausted spirit. And for some reason i was the group leader. Felt incompetant, cause i was probably the one of those people who came into the camp broken and hopeing to be healed. Had a small session of worship followed by briefing before heading to Sentosa for beach games.
A fact i discovered while playing beach games: Sand is tasteless and crunchy. And too much can choke too. Got sunburnt then, but couldn't really care about it for some reason. Didn't feel particularly painful that i had to hide under a shower. After a quick wash up, headed for Underwater World for some programme about conversation of sharks before we headed for Dolphin Lagoon. The pink dolphins were quite cute. Amazing stunts performed too. Got a chance to touch a dolphin. Felt like rubber. =x
After Dolphin Lagoon, dinner at somewhere nearby followed by a tour of Underwater Water world. After that, we prepared to sleep over night at Underwater World. Managed to sleep a little even though snoring was echoing through out the tunnel and there were people talking.
Next morning headed back to church after breakfast. Had a short break before we had our hip-hop dance session. Looks like Ben's dad still got the moves after all... And Ben some how inherited those genes too... =x
Had lunch again, followed by an "Amazing Race" of some sort around the central area of Singapore. Group position dropped from 2nd to last cause of som mis-communication. Group wanted to give up before the last station, but got persuaded by Alvin to continue. Kind of disheartening to see 3 groups run pass us, but what matters is that we complete the race. (:
Had a message by Pastor Steven Wee after dinner. Good with lame jokes, or at least knows how to come back when no one gets the joke. Know what the bible stands for? Basic Information Before Leaving Earth. Didn't get it? At 2am when you taking your shower or sitting on your throne and suddenly get divine revalation and start laughing, its probably then you get what i just said. =x
Next day was another message by him before lunch. Headed to play captain's ball after that. Must be the weary heart and body that casued me to play not that well... But anyway, after all the games, washed up and went for dinner at Plaza Singapura with Reuel, Louisa, Ben, Nat and Ming Ci. Met Melissa before heading back to church for the rally. All i can say about the rally? Was a amazing experience. Just felt touched. Still got some way before i can really say i moved on, but i felt alot better after that. Now to find the strength for the final step. Tried to take the step during camp, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Hopefully can do so before new year. Time to get back to my first love, Christ.
Came back home after the rally. Stayed up to around 2am doing the laundry. Woke up at 7:30am again to go for church. Imagine the exhaustion. Thank goodness for the ice milo after service, woke me up enough to continue with the rest of the day. Then finally that night got enough sleep... About 12 hours, and i'm still tired. Wanted to play basketball today, but couldn't bear to drag myself out... Couldn't even find the strength to pull the guitar out. Looks like got some stuff to catch up on tomorrow...
Argh... A few more minutes before download is done... Hopefully can fully recover my sleep by tomorrow... See yah around.
I guess i can't expect you to be sorry for what had been done. Maybe i haven't done enough. Maybe i wasn't what you were looking for. But it doesn't really matter now. Now i'm wondering, why am i not feeling totally free while you are?
First day just checked in with a heavy bag, a heavy soul, a broken heart and a exhausted spirit. And for some reason i was the group leader. Felt incompetant, cause i was probably the one of those people who came into the camp broken and hopeing to be healed. Had a small session of worship followed by briefing before heading to Sentosa for beach games.
A fact i discovered while playing beach games: Sand is tasteless and crunchy. And too much can choke too. Got sunburnt then, but couldn't really care about it for some reason. Didn't feel particularly painful that i had to hide under a shower. After a quick wash up, headed for Underwater World for some programme about conversation of sharks before we headed for Dolphin Lagoon. The pink dolphins were quite cute. Amazing stunts performed too. Got a chance to touch a dolphin. Felt like rubber. =x
After Dolphin Lagoon, dinner at somewhere nearby followed by a tour of Underwater Water world. After that, we prepared to sleep over night at Underwater World. Managed to sleep a little even though snoring was echoing through out the tunnel and there were people talking.
Next morning headed back to church after breakfast. Had a short break before we had our hip-hop dance session. Looks like Ben's dad still got the moves after all... And Ben some how inherited those genes too... =x
Had lunch again, followed by an "Amazing Race" of some sort around the central area of Singapore. Group position dropped from 2nd to last cause of som mis-communication. Group wanted to give up before the last station, but got persuaded by Alvin to continue. Kind of disheartening to see 3 groups run pass us, but what matters is that we complete the race. (:
Had a message by Pastor Steven Wee after dinner. Good with lame jokes, or at least knows how to come back when no one gets the joke. Know what the bible stands for? Basic Information Before Leaving Earth. Didn't get it? At 2am when you taking your shower or sitting on your throne and suddenly get divine revalation and start laughing, its probably then you get what i just said. =x
Next day was another message by him before lunch. Headed to play captain's ball after that. Must be the weary heart and body that casued me to play not that well... But anyway, after all the games, washed up and went for dinner at Plaza Singapura with Reuel, Louisa, Ben, Nat and Ming Ci. Met Melissa before heading back to church for the rally. All i can say about the rally? Was a amazing experience. Just felt touched. Still got some way before i can really say i moved on, but i felt alot better after that. Now to find the strength for the final step. Tried to take the step during camp, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Hopefully can do so before new year. Time to get back to my first love, Christ.
Came back home after the rally. Stayed up to around 2am doing the laundry. Woke up at 7:30am again to go for church. Imagine the exhaustion. Thank goodness for the ice milo after service, woke me up enough to continue with the rest of the day. Then finally that night got enough sleep... About 12 hours, and i'm still tired. Wanted to play basketball today, but couldn't bear to drag myself out... Couldn't even find the strength to pull the guitar out. Looks like got some stuff to catch up on tomorrow...
Argh... A few more minutes before download is done... Hopefully can fully recover my sleep by tomorrow... See yah around.
I guess i can't expect you to be sorry for what had been done. Maybe i haven't done enough. Maybe i wasn't what you were looking for. But it doesn't really matter now. Now i'm wondering, why am i not feeling totally free while you are?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Just watched finished Bruce Almighty on TV. Nice show, liked the ending parts better then the beginning. Found the beginning stupid, only the ending parts were touching. There is this conversation close to the end between Bruce and God after Bruce was hit by a truck on the road. How? He was kneeling on the road crying out to God that he doesn't want the job as God anymore. The girl he loves just prayed that God will help her let go of him as she doesn't want to be hurt anymore as she still loves him. And since he has God-like powers then, he could see her prayers. Here is the conversation between Bruce and God in Heaven:
Bruce: So i'm finally here?
God: Yes. You don't expect to kneel on the middle of the road and hope that nothing will happen to you.
Bruce: Being God isn't easy at all...
God: And so what do you want?
Bruce: Gracie...
God: You want her back?
Bruce: No...
God: Hmmm?
Bruce: I don't want her back. I just want her to be happy. To find a man that will love her with all his heart. A man that will see her the way i do now. A man that will take care of her regardless of what happens.
Something happened after that. Won't spoil it the story. I'm sure you can find out somehow, someway, somewhat.
Another thing i heard recently is The Serenity Prayer. Found it meaningful, so i'm sharing it. Taken from http://www.thevoiceforlove.com/serenity-prayer.html.
Serenity Prayer
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
So what do you prioritise first in your life? Your studies? Your school stuff? Your relationships? God? What you prioritise first in your life will show what kind of person you are. Where your treasure is, your heart will be also. So what do you treasure? And is what you are treasuring worth it?
That all for now folks. Wonder if i left any thoughts for you to think about. See yah next time.
Bruce: So i'm finally here?
God: Yes. You don't expect to kneel on the middle of the road and hope that nothing will happen to you.
Bruce: Being God isn't easy at all...
God: And so what do you want?
Bruce: Gracie...
God: You want her back?
Bruce: No...
God: Hmmm?
Bruce: I don't want her back. I just want her to be happy. To find a man that will love her with all his heart. A man that will see her the way i do now. A man that will take care of her regardless of what happens.
Something happened after that. Won't spoil it the story. I'm sure you can find out somehow, someway, somewhat.
Another thing i heard recently is The Serenity Prayer. Found it meaningful, so i'm sharing it. Taken from http://www.thevoiceforlove.com/serenity-prayer.html.
Serenity Prayer
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
So what do you prioritise first in your life? Your studies? Your school stuff? Your relationships? God? What you prioritise first in your life will show what kind of person you are. Where your treasure is, your heart will be also. So what do you treasure? And is what you are treasuring worth it?
That all for now folks. Wonder if i left any thoughts for you to think about. See yah next time.
Time Of Reflection
Just back from camp. Settling the laundry now. Going to take some time so that probably why i'm blogging now.
The Youth Camp for me was a time of reflection. I was hoping that the camp would give me the strength to let go fully. But i still need to take it step by step, can't seem to be able to do the steps all in one go at the moment. But at least now i know i'm not alone, that there will always be people there for me.
During one of the programmes where we had to go around a certain area of Singapore like The Amazing Race, my group kind of screwed up due to a mis-communication. In the end we were quite pissed when we saw 3 groups running back to church while we have yet to reach the last checkpoint. Wanted to give up initially, but somehow got convinced by Alvin to finish the race. During that period where we discovered we totally dropped from 2nd to last, i was kind of pissed, so i actually though of things that made me angry. I thought of her.
I wondered why did i thought of her since i supposedly forgave her already. Then i realised that i haven't fully forgiven her yet. May be cause i felt that my feelings have been used against me not just by anyone, but by someone i trusted with my life. She only seems sorry then the other guy and me aren't really friends now. People seem to keep forgetting about my feelings... Forgiving seems to be taking alot longer then i thought it would...
Someone recently said i wasn't man enough so stuff happens to me. So i wonder, what is it to be a man?
Will the guy and me still be friends? I guess so, can't really tell now. But there is only 1 thing i can say, it won't be the same again. Can't expect everything to just fall back to the way it was with a snap of a finger, especially with emotional hurt involved. I was hurt deeply, and i need time for the healing. Until i'm healed to a reasonable extent, will i be able to communicate as easily as i used to be with him again. Hopefully by the end of the holidays i'll be better.
Just read someone's blog. Wondering what went wrong with friends. People see how you deal with your relationships all the time, be it with friends, family, partner or anyone in the world. So the question i feel should be asked is how did you deal with your relationships? People see what is happening, so its either you end up with support from or with them if they like it, or end up with a broken relationship if they don't.
And after asking about how did you deal with your relationships, maybe you should also think about what can be done to at least restore it to a very basic level at minimum. Just what i think should be done. Best would be consulting a professional if you can, or at least someone who is more experienced and matured like a parent or an adult that you respect.
Just thinking about how many screwed up tips for relationships in this world. I never really see them unless it really are those that make sense, but there are stuff that you shouldn't tell your partner and only can tell friends? Wait a minute, do you trust your partner? So why are there stuff you can't say? Doesn't your partner accept the way you are? This point just doesn't make sense to me cause it goes against a very basic principle of a relationship which is trust.
Argh... Blister on my toe just popped...
I've learned before that a relationship works better if both people have a common values. I thought that there were common values, but it seems values can change too.
Will blog about the camp some other time, going to be 2 am soon already... And i need to wake up early tomorrow... Hopefully can get at least 4-5 hours of sleep... See yah.
Going out to shopping malls and seeing couples is less painful, but still painful nontheless. Looks like still got some way to go before complete healing...
The Youth Camp for me was a time of reflection. I was hoping that the camp would give me the strength to let go fully. But i still need to take it step by step, can't seem to be able to do the steps all in one go at the moment. But at least now i know i'm not alone, that there will always be people there for me.
During one of the programmes where we had to go around a certain area of Singapore like The Amazing Race, my group kind of screwed up due to a mis-communication. In the end we were quite pissed when we saw 3 groups running back to church while we have yet to reach the last checkpoint. Wanted to give up initially, but somehow got convinced by Alvin to finish the race. During that period where we discovered we totally dropped from 2nd to last, i was kind of pissed, so i actually though of things that made me angry. I thought of her.
I wondered why did i thought of her since i supposedly forgave her already. Then i realised that i haven't fully forgiven her yet. May be cause i felt that my feelings have been used against me not just by anyone, but by someone i trusted with my life. She only seems sorry then the other guy and me aren't really friends now. People seem to keep forgetting about my feelings... Forgiving seems to be taking alot longer then i thought it would...
Someone recently said i wasn't man enough so stuff happens to me. So i wonder, what is it to be a man?
Will the guy and me still be friends? I guess so, can't really tell now. But there is only 1 thing i can say, it won't be the same again. Can't expect everything to just fall back to the way it was with a snap of a finger, especially with emotional hurt involved. I was hurt deeply, and i need time for the healing. Until i'm healed to a reasonable extent, will i be able to communicate as easily as i used to be with him again. Hopefully by the end of the holidays i'll be better.
Just read someone's blog. Wondering what went wrong with friends. People see how you deal with your relationships all the time, be it with friends, family, partner or anyone in the world. So the question i feel should be asked is how did you deal with your relationships? People see what is happening, so its either you end up with support from or with them if they like it, or end up with a broken relationship if they don't.
And after asking about how did you deal with your relationships, maybe you should also think about what can be done to at least restore it to a very basic level at minimum. Just what i think should be done. Best would be consulting a professional if you can, or at least someone who is more experienced and matured like a parent or an adult that you respect.
Just thinking about how many screwed up tips for relationships in this world. I never really see them unless it really are those that make sense, but there are stuff that you shouldn't tell your partner and only can tell friends? Wait a minute, do you trust your partner? So why are there stuff you can't say? Doesn't your partner accept the way you are? This point just doesn't make sense to me cause it goes against a very basic principle of a relationship which is trust.
Argh... Blister on my toe just popped...
I've learned before that a relationship works better if both people have a common values. I thought that there were common values, but it seems values can change too.
Will blog about the camp some other time, going to be 2 am soon already... And i need to wake up early tomorrow... Hopefully can get at least 4-5 hours of sleep... See yah.
Going out to shopping malls and seeing couples is less painful, but still painful nontheless. Looks like still got some way to go before complete healing...
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Lifehouse - Blind
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
Just a song that touched me recently. Someone sang it during the Christmas party yesterday night. Kind of relates to it i guess. Simple words stringed together to describe feelings.
Will be away from camp up to Saturday night. So blog updates halted till Sunday. See yah.
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
Just a song that touched me recently. Someone sang it during the Christmas party yesterday night. Kind of relates to it i guess. Simple words stringed together to describe feelings.
Will be away from camp up to Saturday night. So blog updates halted till Sunday. See yah.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Bitterness
Sometimes i feel i got every reason to be bitter, to be angry with life. Bitter that relationship didn't work out. Bitter that friends forgot about how i felt. Bitter that those around that could do something didn't do anything at all. Bitter that my mom still doesn't really think about what she says before she says it. Bitter that nothing is working out at all. But i choose not to be bitter. I choose not to just close up my heart because of what happened. But its going to be a quite a while before i can love someone properly again.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Is there nothing we can do? Are we ever truly powerless in a situation where we can only be pulled around by the decision of others cause we can't do anything? Or are we just blinded by the situation and choose not see the options we have cause the options are just what we don't want? Why is it so hard to just let go? Why is it so difficult to just tell the truth sometimes? Why is it we are afraid of hurting people but hurt them more by not telling them the truth? And why is the truth so important? It may hurt but it sets us free from the lies. So the truth is necessary for us to be truly free.
Fingers hurting after guitar-ing again after so many weeks. Going to chiong until my fingers have no feelings, if i can tahan for so long. Hmm... Tomorrow will be out for a long time... Need to go out get chritmas gift for gift exhange for party tomorrow night. Now to think what to get... And maybe i should practise a bit of guitar tomorrow morning before heading out... Planning to practise until i can change chords fast enough and strum/pluck better before playing a full song. What song? Got a whole list...
I wonder if she is doing fine now... If she is happy...
Hopefully the skins on my fingers will start peeling soon, so that it will harden sooner too. Then will probably be less painful...
If i said that everyone can do something, its just that we just either don't see what we can do or choose not to do anything, what would you do? Would you do something to try to improve the situation or would you choose not to do anything or would you choose to worsen it? Sometimes i feel that not doing anything is as good as condaming the situation and just worsening it. I wonder am i just being to idealistic sometimes, seeing things from the point of view that it is ideal. Am i just being overly hopefully? To optismistic? And now i wonder how did the once-upon-a-time me that was pessimistic and thought about suicide ended up like this? God's grace perhaps.
Real change comes from within. And it can be felt by people around. And if its a good change it can be seen. Likewise the same can be said for a bad change. People can see it, feel it. Don't care about other people's opinions? Then how can you be sure that what you did doesn't affect those around in a negative way? Or to continue if it touches people's lifes? How can we sure that we aren't destroying people's hope unless we ask them or they let us know? Its how we handle the opinions that matters.
Christmas around the corner, guess i should start shopping soon too. Need to see suitable gifts for the people around me... Hmm... I guess my Christmas wish is still a bit affected by my feelings... Wishing that broken relationships will be restored... That all will be fine again... But i guess its probably another one of my wishful thinking... Or is it?
That's all for now i guess. See yah next time.
As long as she's happy, i'll be fine i guess.
Fingers hurting after guitar-ing again after so many weeks. Going to chiong until my fingers have no feelings, if i can tahan for so long. Hmm... Tomorrow will be out for a long time... Need to go out get chritmas gift for gift exhange for party tomorrow night. Now to think what to get... And maybe i should practise a bit of guitar tomorrow morning before heading out... Planning to practise until i can change chords fast enough and strum/pluck better before playing a full song. What song? Got a whole list...
I wonder if she is doing fine now... If she is happy...
Hopefully the skins on my fingers will start peeling soon, so that it will harden sooner too. Then will probably be less painful...
If i said that everyone can do something, its just that we just either don't see what we can do or choose not to do anything, what would you do? Would you do something to try to improve the situation or would you choose not to do anything or would you choose to worsen it? Sometimes i feel that not doing anything is as good as condaming the situation and just worsening it. I wonder am i just being to idealistic sometimes, seeing things from the point of view that it is ideal. Am i just being overly hopefully? To optismistic? And now i wonder how did the once-upon-a-time me that was pessimistic and thought about suicide ended up like this? God's grace perhaps.
Real change comes from within. And it can be felt by people around. And if its a good change it can be seen. Likewise the same can be said for a bad change. People can see it, feel it. Don't care about other people's opinions? Then how can you be sure that what you did doesn't affect those around in a negative way? Or to continue if it touches people's lifes? How can we sure that we aren't destroying people's hope unless we ask them or they let us know? Its how we handle the opinions that matters.
Christmas around the corner, guess i should start shopping soon too. Need to see suitable gifts for the people around me... Hmm... I guess my Christmas wish is still a bit affected by my feelings... Wishing that broken relationships will be restored... That all will be fine again... But i guess its probably another one of my wishful thinking... Or is it?
That's all for now i guess. See yah next time.
As long as she's happy, i'll be fine i guess.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Are You Facing Upstream or Downstream?
Today's church service was quite interesting. Will you face downstream and watch all the blessings flow away before you can get it or will you face upstream and let God bless you in abundance?
Releasing Limiting Beliefs :
I guess i'm still thinking of the "What-if"s. Looks like i haven't really let go yet. Ah... Come on... try to think about the list you just typed out... Still wondering what went wrong sometimes. Going out to crowded places can be emotionally draining seeing so many couples everywhere. Kind of wonder sometimes how long will they last. Will it last to marriage? Or will it just end of with both being enemies? Possiblities, all the possiblities and the result that i will never know.
No use blaming anyone now. Forgive and move on. Forgive others. And another important step many forget: Forgive yourself. Is it possible ot stay friends? Yes. Not right away, as i believe we need our alone time for a while and it may be awkard at first, but it is possible. Now its up to you how things will end up.
Man... Talk about blogging until past midnight. Not really sleepy i guess, still chatting with my second mom. That should be enough for today. See yah folks.
And suddenly the dreams stop. The dreams of just spending time with her. The dreams of the future with her. The dreams of hope and love.
Releasing Limiting Beliefs :
- I choose to let go of all negative thoughts and limiting beliefs that interfere with me living a healthy, whole and abundant life in Christ.
- I choose to let go of fear, doubt and worry and every debilitating thought that stands in the way if me and success.
- I choose to release and let go of depression, sadness, anger and every toxic emotion that interferes with peace, joy and prosperity in Christ
- I choose to let go of fear or limiting beliefs that cause me to focus on scarcity and lack instead of abundance and wealth
- I confess mt faults and sins to God an He cleanses me, body, soul and spirit
- I choose not to hide, deny or cover up my sins allowing them to have an unconscious influence over me
- I place on God's altar every weight, sin or burden I am struggling with and i leave it there
- I choose to release all my feelings of doubt and unworthiness that would get in the way of receiving all God has for me
- I chose to forgive all who have wronged and disappointed me
- I choose to let go of my past mistakes and failures
- I choose to love, forgive and accept myself the way i am
- I choose to let God shape, mould and make me into the person He created me to be
- I choose to accept God's unconditional love for me in spite of my faults and weaknesses
- I choose to receive God's magnificent abundance and prosperity that comes to me easily and effortlessly in perfect and unexpected ways everyday
- I choose to expect and receive every good and perfect gift God has prepared in advance for me
- I choose to live each day in the present moment, forgetting the past and leaving the future in God's hands
- I choose to claim my divine inheritance now
- Nothing stands in the way of me and success. I am prospering everyday in everyway
- My cup runneth over and i share my abundance with others. Because i'm given freely, i give freely
- I knock down every wall of fear, doubt and unworthiness that stands in the way of God's blessings, success and prosperity in my life
- I choose not to allow my past to define my future. My best days are ahead
- With courage and determination, i courageously behead any giants that get in the way of God's promises and blessings for me
- Doors of opportunity to prosper open up all around me. Every person and resource i need to succeed shows up at just the right time
- I thank God for going before me to prepare the way and guiding me by His inner light and wisdom
- I choose to spread love, joy, peace and blessings where ever i go
- I choose to have a great, prosperous, joyful and wonderful day!
- I choose to live by faith
- I choose to live my life to the fullest
- I choose to follow after God with my whole heart, mind body and spirit
- I choose life!
I guess i'm still thinking of the "What-if"s. Looks like i haven't really let go yet. Ah... Come on... try to think about the list you just typed out... Still wondering what went wrong sometimes. Going out to crowded places can be emotionally draining seeing so many couples everywhere. Kind of wonder sometimes how long will they last. Will it last to marriage? Or will it just end of with both being enemies? Possiblities, all the possiblities and the result that i will never know.
No use blaming anyone now. Forgive and move on. Forgive others. And another important step many forget: Forgive yourself. Is it possible ot stay friends? Yes. Not right away, as i believe we need our alone time for a while and it may be awkard at first, but it is possible. Now its up to you how things will end up.
Man... Talk about blogging until past midnight. Not really sleepy i guess, still chatting with my second mom. That should be enough for today. See yah folks.
And suddenly the dreams stop. The dreams of just spending time with her. The dreams of the future with her. The dreams of hope and love.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Baby Joy
Yesterday night saw this video of my friend's baby girl. Kind of cheered me up for some strange reason. There's just something about babies that lowers our defenses. Something about them that just kind of cheers some people up. Maybe we see a new life, full of hope and potential. Maybe we see someone so adorable that we can't help but love. Maybe its just that we wish we were like that once again, without stress or worry. Or maybe we don't have any other way to respond to it. Oh well, cute babies are cute babies, can't do much about that. Maybe i should watch it everyday to cheer up or something... =x
I was thinking of going to the Singapore Flyer one of these days. Was thinking of going with someone when i got my pay. Don't think would be going there anytime soon now... Man... I need to stop thinking about the what-ifs... Kind of driving me crazy sometimes. All the wondering about if i did this or that would things end up any different. All the possibilities start appearing in my mind and kind of takes a while to fade away. Remember the quiz about the how you deal with relationships? I guess i'm still got a whole desert to cover before reaching home. And only if it would rain, would help to mask those tears.
Guess i should be going to bed soon. Have to wake up early tomorrow for usher duty. Wanted to go to New Creation Churhc with Melissa and Nicole, but since i have usher duty, perhaps some other time. Goign ot prepare for tomorrow, see yah.
I guess its better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all...
I was thinking of going to the Singapore Flyer one of these days. Was thinking of going with someone when i got my pay. Don't think would be going there anytime soon now... Man... I need to stop thinking about the what-ifs... Kind of driving me crazy sometimes. All the wondering about if i did this or that would things end up any different. All the possibilities start appearing in my mind and kind of takes a while to fade away. Remember the quiz about the how you deal with relationships? I guess i'm still got a whole desert to cover before reaching home. And only if it would rain, would help to mask those tears.
Guess i should be going to bed soon. Have to wake up early tomorrow for usher duty. Wanted to go to New Creation Churhc with Melissa and Nicole, but since i have usher duty, perhaps some other time. Goign ot prepare for tomorrow, see yah.
I guess its better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all...
Friday, December 12, 2008
Exhausted
And finally the common tests are over. Went out to play with some of the guys from class. Was at the arcade for a while before heading for pool and lunch. Kept getting trashed by Lucas in the dancing game... Always get mixed up halfway, kind of like legs get the way of one another. Played a few rounds of street basketball. Pool only managed to win 2 out of 2 games, and the first win was not because of me, but because Lucas hit too hard. =x
Met up with mom and siblings after lunch. Went shopping for clothes. So for about 4 hours i was just looking at clothes. Wonder when should i start wearing them... Colors that i don't think i've really wore before... Hopefully will look ok in them... Oh yah, was at Plaza Sing and saw this new place that allows you to make your own teddy bear or soft toy of sort. Was thinking it would be nice if i went there with... Nevermind...
Time to start planning for holidays. Listing down things to do, crossed out stuff means either its done, cannot be done or i don't see it happening for a while.
It seems like i always come up with a new blogskin whenever i'm very emo for some strange reason. Hopefully i still remember how to do it... And improve on what i have now too... =x
Thats all for now. See yah next time.
Hold on to God, He has someone better in stored for you, they said. Kind of hard to see when it's was the best, since it's the only one that happened.
Met up with mom and siblings after lunch. Went shopping for clothes. So for about 4 hours i was just looking at clothes. Wonder when should i start wearing them... Colors that i don't think i've really wore before... Hopefully will look ok in them... Oh yah, was at Plaza Sing and saw this new place that allows you to make your own teddy bear or soft toy of sort. Was thinking it would be nice if i went there with... Nevermind...
Time to start planning for holidays. Listing down things to do, crossed out stuff means either its done, cannot be done or i don't see it happening for a while.
- Design new blogskin
- Play guitar more regularly
- Collect my pay THAT HAS BEEN DUE FOR 3 MONTHS!!
Treat gf to pizza hut- Find chip and dale soft toy
Destroy the world- Spend a day with God
- Cheer up
- Play more basketball
- Train for NAPFA
RUN AWAY!!!Spend more time with gfBuild a gundam- Go Christmas shopping
- Find Minda for pool
- Mini animation project
Build gundam modelsFly away- Learn to be
lessemo - Keep doing my quiet time regularly
- Hang out with people i don't hang out often with
- Return WeiJin his Pink collared shirt
It seems like i always come up with a new blogskin whenever i'm very emo for some strange reason. Hopefully i still remember how to do it... And improve on what i have now too... =x
Thats all for now. See yah next time.
Hold on to God, He has someone better in stored for you, they said. Kind of hard to see when it's was the best, since it's the only one that happened.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
And The Daily Posting Continues...
Proverbs 6:34-35
34 for jealousy arouses a husband's fury,
and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.
35 He will not accept any compensation;
he will refuse the bribe, however great it is.
And i guess that kind of summarised how i felt for 7 weeks since school started. Now not that bad i suppose. Ah... Was probably too serious i guess. Oh well... Pleasant memories but still have to move on one day.
Today's paper was interesting simple. Simple as in i think i know the answer, but not sure if answering to question now that i think about it. It's over already so not much use thinking about it. Less then 12 hours to freedom... Looking forward to the freedom... Now if only my thoughts would just stop drifting away when i study... Flashbacks i can handle, but drifting away is jsut so distracting... Better not drift away during the paper tomorrow...
Hmm... Looks like i have to start planning for my holidays tomorrow, don't want to end up not doing any stuff i want to do... Let's see what i got on the list... Play guitar... Play pool... Spend a day soul searching... Cheer up... Collect pay... Hang out with some people... Destroy the world... Wait a minute, remove the last point from the list. Not an achievable goal at the moment. =x
That's all for today folks. See yah next time.
34 for jealousy arouses a husband's fury,
and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.
35 He will not accept any compensation;
he will refuse the bribe, however great it is.
And i guess that kind of summarised how i felt for 7 weeks since school started. Now not that bad i suppose. Ah... Was probably too serious i guess. Oh well... Pleasant memories but still have to move on one day.
Today's paper was interesting simple. Simple as in i think i know the answer, but not sure if answering to question now that i think about it. It's over already so not much use thinking about it. Less then 12 hours to freedom... Looking forward to the freedom... Now if only my thoughts would just stop drifting away when i study... Flashbacks i can handle, but drifting away is jsut so distracting... Better not drift away during the paper tomorrow...
Hmm... Looks like i have to start planning for my holidays tomorrow, don't want to end up not doing any stuff i want to do... Let's see what i got on the list... Play guitar... Play pool... Spend a day soul searching... Cheer up... Collect pay... Hang out with some people... Destroy the world... Wait a minute, remove the last point from the list. Not an achievable goal at the moment. =x
That's all for today folks. See yah next time.
Next Step?
This post is not directed at anyone in particular, just felt i should do this since i talked about forgiveness. Wanted to blog yesterday night but was too tired.
Usually people miss out the next step after forgiveness. What next step? After forgiving, we shouldn't bring up a past event again to spite another person. If we happen to bring up the event again, it shows we haven't fully forgiven that person yet. But forgiving and forgetting are different things. We may remember the incident, but forgiving means that that situation doesn't have a hold over us anymore. It eliminates thoughts of revenge.
Then the other party, the one being forgiven, does it mean we can just continue doing wrong since the person will probably forgive us again? I don't think so. Why are you still doing this? The person didn't have to forgive you, he/she could live with the anger/hurt caused by your act forever if he/she wanted to. This point kind of shows what kind of moral values you have. Do you continue to hurt/anger that person or do you learn from the lesson and try never to repeat that situation again? Being forgiven once doesn't mean that you would be forgiven the next time. Will you be able to live with the guilt? Or do you not care if you never get forgiven? Life can be full of unnecessary burdens, and one of it is living without forgiving or forgiven.
Yesterday's paper was fine, should do ok for it. Next up today, paper at 4pm. Strange tiem to have a paper... Out to take away my studying time... Evil common-test-timetable-arranging people... Oh well, should get back to revision soon. See yah.
When one starts talking to his teddy bears for no reason, is it a sign of madness??
Usually people miss out the next step after forgiveness. What next step? After forgiving, we shouldn't bring up a past event again to spite another person. If we happen to bring up the event again, it shows we haven't fully forgiven that person yet. But forgiving and forgetting are different things. We may remember the incident, but forgiving means that that situation doesn't have a hold over us anymore. It eliminates thoughts of revenge.
Then the other party, the one being forgiven, does it mean we can just continue doing wrong since the person will probably forgive us again? I don't think so. Why are you still doing this? The person didn't have to forgive you, he/she could live with the anger/hurt caused by your act forever if he/she wanted to. This point kind of shows what kind of moral values you have. Do you continue to hurt/anger that person or do you learn from the lesson and try never to repeat that situation again? Being forgiven once doesn't mean that you would be forgiven the next time. Will you be able to live with the guilt? Or do you not care if you never get forgiven? Life can be full of unnecessary burdens, and one of it is living without forgiving or forgiven.
Yesterday's paper was fine, should do ok for it. Next up today, paper at 4pm. Strange tiem to have a paper... Out to take away my studying time... Evil common-test-timetable-arranging people... Oh well, should get back to revision soon. See yah.
When one starts talking to his teddy bears for no reason, is it a sign of madness??
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Look Forward
Forgive and move on. That's what i'm going to do. Look forward. Only look back to reflect. Keep going. Forgive me for all the trouble i've caused. God has a plan for me. Now for me to find out what it is. Need to learn to be more secure.
Kind of screwed up my paper today, but thank goodness its only considered an extra module. Have to concentrate more on the rest. Oh well, at least 1 paper down, 3 more to go... Then FREEDOM!! At least for 3 weeks... Make that 2 weeks, first week all occupied already...
Now, if only my mind doesn't wonder off while i doing my work or studying... Don't i give myself enough "wondering off" time? Hmmm... Maybe i need to increase the amount of time spent wondering off so i don't wonder off when i'm not supposed to...
Looks like i've been blogging almost everyday... Needed an outlet for thoughts and feelings during this period of recovery. And helps me to reflect about the day, to see what i did and what others did during the day, and think about the reasons behind the actions. Too much thoughts i guess... =x
Photos of Sunday will be up some other time when i get what i consider sufficient from Melissa. Remembered Sharon, Pastor's wife, commenting that can see what kind of people we are from what we do. Example will be like Reuel will be cooking, the girls will also help some way. The rest of the guys will be playings games. And i tend to be around the kitchen area helping out if i can. Can see Reuel likes cooking, girls are those that help if possible and the guys are usually more playful.
I'e got a feeling non of the photos that day that include me doesn't really show me smiling, just me showing some strange face. Can't smile very truthfully now, so not really attempting to smile just for the sake of it. Don't believe in faking a smile.
I guess thats all for today. Preparing for tomorrow. See yah.
Has it been 5 months since then? Maybe i should just stop counting soon...
Kind of screwed up my paper today, but thank goodness its only considered an extra module. Have to concentrate more on the rest. Oh well, at least 1 paper down, 3 more to go... Then FREEDOM!! At least for 3 weeks... Make that 2 weeks, first week all occupied already...
Now, if only my mind doesn't wonder off while i doing my work or studying... Don't i give myself enough "wondering off" time? Hmmm... Maybe i need to increase the amount of time spent wondering off so i don't wonder off when i'm not supposed to...
Looks like i've been blogging almost everyday... Needed an outlet for thoughts and feelings during this period of recovery. And helps me to reflect about the day, to see what i did and what others did during the day, and think about the reasons behind the actions. Too much thoughts i guess... =x
Photos of Sunday will be up some other time when i get what i consider sufficient from Melissa. Remembered Sharon, Pastor's wife, commenting that can see what kind of people we are from what we do. Example will be like Reuel will be cooking, the girls will also help some way. The rest of the guys will be playings games. And i tend to be around the kitchen area helping out if i can. Can see Reuel likes cooking, girls are those that help if possible and the guys are usually more playful.
I'e got a feeling non of the photos that day that include me doesn't really show me smiling, just me showing some strange face. Can't smile very truthfully now, so not really attempting to smile just for the sake of it. Don't believe in faking a smile.
I guess thats all for today. Preparing for tomorrow. See yah.
Has it been 5 months since then? Maybe i should just stop counting soon...
Monday, December 08, 2008
Plea
God, take what's left of me. All the brokenness, all the pain, all the hurt. Use it for your will. I'm nothing now. Take the feelings of hate, anger, sadness. Let me know what it is to be filled with your peace, joy, love. I'm powerless. You are the only one that is all powerful. May your works be fulfilled through me, all for you. I want to believe, help me believe. I want to hope, help me hope. I want to love, help me love. Guide me, lead me closer to you. Without you, all is for naught. May i do everything with you in mind. And may i do it to the best of my abilities. Touch me, heal me, show me, that's all i ask now. To be healed, that's all i ask for now.
Guess I'm still Same Old Me...
Long day today. Like any other Sunday, went to church in the morning. After service, played soem games with CG mates before heading down to MingCi's house to prepare some stuff for dinner at Pastor Edwin's house. Kind of slacked time away at MingCi's house.
Then at Pastor's house, helped with the cooking a little. Picked up some stuff from our chef in training Reuel, like what to look out for when baking a pizza or cooking some other stuff. Wanted to help with cleaning up, but couldn't find the strength to. Got chased back to play games when i attempted to clean up again anyway, so just gave up i guess. Played with a stray kitten that William and girlfriend found, or at least attempted to keep it in the box. The little creature almost scratched me so many times... Sorry MewMew, running around in the house is a big no-no, wait for Uncle William to come back with food for you. =x
Went back home with Nicole earlier since she lives nearby. She just came back from Australia for holidays. Caught up abit on the way back. And since it was already pass 11pm, accmpanied her to the bus stop to wait for her dad to fetch her home. Studying overseas is so different from studying here. Staying in a hostel, taking care of oneself... Kind of an independent life.
Photos will be up when i get them from Melissa.
I guess today had enough flashbacks for a while. Jason and Melissa didn't thought i would have been to Lot 1 before, but i guessed i surprised them with my limited knowledge of the place. Just memories of the times she once brought me there. William and girlfriend, and Pastor with his wife also reminded me of her i guess. Seeing people that can be so different yet be together so happily. I guess something was missing. Maybe i know what it is, or maybe i'm wrong about what it is. Looks like its time for searching for answers again...
Today kind of took my mind off anger for a while. I still feel a littel betrayed by a friend of mine. I trusted in him, but he kind of became the 3rd party without even knowing it. He's oblivious to his surroundings. And recently it seems he doesn't really talk to me anymore. I want to forgive, but i can't seem to bring myself to at the moment.
I first tried to taught him to be more optimistic, but it never got through to him. Helped him expended his circle of friends, hopeing it will get him to socialise more. Introduced him to Japanese toku shows. And hopefully helped brightened his day when we were in year 1.
Then when my gf drifed away from me this semester, she got closer to him. She said she didn't have the feeling and wanted some time to think about the relationship, and i may have to wait for a long time. I decided to wait. I was jealous at first, when confronted, he said nothing will happen between them, even though he likes her. Said he was to chicken to do anything. He questioned my trust of them both. So i chose to trust.
But everyday, my heart just kept breaking. I see stuff i once used to do with her being done with him. He never noticed. Just enjoyed the attention i guess. And since he is oblivious to his surroundings, he never really noticed how i felt. I was hurt, but little noticed, and some who noticed chose to ignore. Becoming her "part-time boyfriend" didn't help my feelings any more then a building collasping on me.
So after 7 weeks of those feelings, i decided i had to cut off this negative feelings or i may end up hating some people more then i can bring myself to forgive. The day she became my ex-gf. So as an act of love, i forgave her. The guy, i need to take some time to get myself to do it. I trusted him. I thought he knew how i felt, the pain and the heart break. I guess i expected too much.
Now i guess i'm still in the process of healing from the hurt. I want to forgive, but its going to take me some time to do it.
If every action has a consequence, has you thought about what you might be inviting into your life the moment you make that decision?
Then at Pastor's house, helped with the cooking a little. Picked up some stuff from our chef in training Reuel, like what to look out for when baking a pizza or cooking some other stuff. Wanted to help with cleaning up, but couldn't find the strength to. Got chased back to play games when i attempted to clean up again anyway, so just gave up i guess. Played with a stray kitten that William and girlfriend found, or at least attempted to keep it in the box. The little creature almost scratched me so many times... Sorry MewMew, running around in the house is a big no-no, wait for Uncle William to come back with food for you. =x
Went back home with Nicole earlier since she lives nearby. She just came back from Australia for holidays. Caught up abit on the way back. And since it was already pass 11pm, accmpanied her to the bus stop to wait for her dad to fetch her home. Studying overseas is so different from studying here. Staying in a hostel, taking care of oneself... Kind of an independent life.
Photos will be up when i get them from Melissa.
I guess today had enough flashbacks for a while. Jason and Melissa didn't thought i would have been to Lot 1 before, but i guessed i surprised them with my limited knowledge of the place. Just memories of the times she once brought me there. William and girlfriend, and Pastor with his wife also reminded me of her i guess. Seeing people that can be so different yet be together so happily. I guess something was missing. Maybe i know what it is, or maybe i'm wrong about what it is. Looks like its time for searching for answers again...
Today kind of took my mind off anger for a while. I still feel a littel betrayed by a friend of mine. I trusted in him, but he kind of became the 3rd party without even knowing it. He's oblivious to his surroundings. And recently it seems he doesn't really talk to me anymore. I want to forgive, but i can't seem to bring myself to at the moment.
I first tried to taught him to be more optimistic, but it never got through to him. Helped him expended his circle of friends, hopeing it will get him to socialise more. Introduced him to Japanese toku shows. And hopefully helped brightened his day when we were in year 1.
Then when my gf drifed away from me this semester, she got closer to him. She said she didn't have the feeling and wanted some time to think about the relationship, and i may have to wait for a long time. I decided to wait. I was jealous at first, when confronted, he said nothing will happen between them, even though he likes her. Said he was to chicken to do anything. He questioned my trust of them both. So i chose to trust.
But everyday, my heart just kept breaking. I see stuff i once used to do with her being done with him. He never noticed. Just enjoyed the attention i guess. And since he is oblivious to his surroundings, he never really noticed how i felt. I was hurt, but little noticed, and some who noticed chose to ignore. Becoming her "part-time boyfriend" didn't help my feelings any more then a building collasping on me.
So after 7 weeks of those feelings, i decided i had to cut off this negative feelings or i may end up hating some people more then i can bring myself to forgive. The day she became my ex-gf. So as an act of love, i forgave her. The guy, i need to take some time to get myself to do it. I trusted him. I thought he knew how i felt, the pain and the heart break. I guess i expected too much.
Now i guess i'm still in the process of healing from the hurt. I want to forgive, but its going to take me some time to do it.
If every action has a consequence, has you thought about what you might be inviting into your life the moment you make that decision?
Saturday, December 06, 2008
The Way I Do - Marco Hernandez
Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
Your touch, your skin, can't believe the way you let me in
Don't rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide.
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do
Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do
I love you
I need you
I want you
The way I do
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
Your touch, your skin, can't believe the way you let me in
Don't rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide.
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do
Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do
I love you
I need you
I want you
The way I do
Friday, December 05, 2008
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Breakeven
Just a song i want to share
Official Video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2omyqxbsKw. Some parts relates to me now i guess.
Breakeven - The Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
Oh well, looks like it time for me to wrap up some stuff at home. See yah.
Official Video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2omyqxbsKw. Some parts relates to me now i guess.
Breakeven - The Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
Oh well, looks like it time for me to wrap up some stuff at home. See yah.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Forgetful Me...
Forgot to bring my Further Calculus book to school today. Was at my second bus stop then did i realised my hands felt empty. It then stuck me that i left a book at home. This is what happens when one gets too caught up in thoughts. Oh well...
I guess she probably knew what i would do. So she prepared against it already. Smart girl. Know me too well already. Probably also know that i can't really do anything about it unless she allows me to. Yup, she probably right. I won't do anything i'm not wanted to do now. The rebellious nature still shows sometimes, but not so often now that i'm more under control.
I'm thinking of how many ways i can release my emotions without hurting anyone at the moment. Currently, the only option i can think of is sports. Another one is talking to someone about my emotions, but i don't think now much people are willing to listen anyway. And ironically in the past, people always wanted to know what i was thinking about. Now? Just the passing wind i guess.
I will continue to be nice i guess, even if some people around me don't treat me as nice.
Throat in pain... Not willing to talk much at the moment. So if you see me using signs instead of talking, its because talking is painful... Will only talk when absolute necessary. It's not silent treatment, just resting my throat. =x
I wonder how many people actually open their eyes and notice the things happening around them.
Man... With my throat like that, i wonder how am i supposed to eat anything that Reuel cooks this Sunday... All the good food gone to waste... T.T
Wonder what will my Introduction to Social Psychology class will be like tomorrow. Hopefully it will be fun.
Common test next week, and i have yet to get myself to sit down and revise... I guess it would be a good chance for those who want to wack me awake to do so.
J made it back from Thailand in 1 piece with her family. 5 days of holidays extended to 9 days. And of the 4 extra days, 2 were sent on bus to get to the next airport cause of the messy situation over there. Ha... Oh well, at least the whole family made it back in one piece. And hopefully the other people stuck in Thailand will get back safely too.
I wonder... If anyone can actually help with the situation i'm in now. Someone that can mediate both sides. Someone who isn't bias to any opinions. Someone who can just say the truth without being fearful of what the rest of the people say. I wonder...
That's all for now. See yah next time.
I guess she probably knew what i would do. So she prepared against it already. Smart girl. Know me too well already. Probably also know that i can't really do anything about it unless she allows me to. Yup, she probably right. I won't do anything i'm not wanted to do now. The rebellious nature still shows sometimes, but not so often now that i'm more under control.
I'm thinking of how many ways i can release my emotions without hurting anyone at the moment. Currently, the only option i can think of is sports. Another one is talking to someone about my emotions, but i don't think now much people are willing to listen anyway. And ironically in the past, people always wanted to know what i was thinking about. Now? Just the passing wind i guess.
I will continue to be nice i guess, even if some people around me don't treat me as nice.
Throat in pain... Not willing to talk much at the moment. So if you see me using signs instead of talking, its because talking is painful... Will only talk when absolute necessary. It's not silent treatment, just resting my throat. =x
I wonder how many people actually open their eyes and notice the things happening around them.
Man... With my throat like that, i wonder how am i supposed to eat anything that Reuel cooks this Sunday... All the good food gone to waste... T.T
Wonder what will my Introduction to Social Psychology class will be like tomorrow. Hopefully it will be fun.
Common test next week, and i have yet to get myself to sit down and revise... I guess it would be a good chance for those who want to wack me awake to do so.
J made it back from Thailand in 1 piece with her family. 5 days of holidays extended to 9 days. And of the 4 extra days, 2 were sent on bus to get to the next airport cause of the messy situation over there. Ha... Oh well, at least the whole family made it back in one piece. And hopefully the other people stuck in Thailand will get back safely too.
I wonder... If anyone can actually help with the situation i'm in now. Someone that can mediate both sides. Someone who isn't bias to any opinions. Someone who can just say the truth without being fearful of what the rest of the people say. I wonder...
That's all for now. See yah next time.
Just Stand Up
Everything will be alright, yeah
The heart is stronger than you think
Like it can go through anything
And even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though
Sometime you want to run away
Ain’t got the patience for the pain
And if you don’t believe it look into your heart, the beat goes on
I’m telling you
Things get better through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, don’t let up
Don’t you know you can go, be your own miracle, you need to know
If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what, don’t give up
Through it all, just stand up
It’s like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face
Just because you go through it
Don’t mean it gotta take control, no (no)
You ain’t gotta find no hiding place
Because the heart can beat the hate
Don’t wanna let your mind keep playing you
And saying you can’t go on
I’m telling you,
Things get better through whatever
If you fall, dust if off, don’t let up
Don’t you know you can go, be your own miracle, you need to know
If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough (ohh)
But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up (don't you give up)
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what, don’t give up (don't give up, just stand up)
Through it all, just stand up (just stand up)
Through it all, just stand up
You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind
If you fall, dust it off, you can live your life (yeah)
Let your heart be your guide, oh (yeah yeah yeah)
You will know that you’re good if you trust the in good
Everything will be alright, yeah (alright)
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart
And It will get better through whatever
If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up (don't give up, don't give up, no no no)
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what, don’t give up
Through it all, just stand up
If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what, don’t give up (don't give up, don't give up)
Through it all, just stand up
You got it in you, find it within (everything will be alright, yeah)
You got in ya, find it within ya
You got in you, find it within
You got in you, find it within ya
You got in you, find it within (everything will be alright, yeah)
You got in you, find it within ya
Find it within you, find it within
Through it all, just stand up
Now to ask myself what is my heart telling me...
Monday, December 01, 2008
Read Minds? Nah... Just Knowledge...
Accompanied WeeLeong to Collect gifts somewhere along Bendemeer Road, then to Sim Lim Square. He couldn't really complete the stuff at Sim Lim today, looks like he has to go back on Friday again. Ha... I guess i was bored and knew the area better then him, so accompanied him i guess. Over shot by a bus stop at first, had to walk all the way back... Good exercise =x
Today during class in the morning, helped Lucas' friend friend from RP with soem problem solving thing. He asked me to look at the slides, and after a glance, i just asked him was it from RP. I guessed i kind of surprised him by actually guessing the source. =x
Anyway, in the end i came up with a report which was in the end rejected as the friend had to do some graphing thing... Oh well... It was just a simple hypothesis anyway. I guess the science stuff i have learned never really left me.
I hate liars, and thus don't lie myself. Want me to say what i think? It's either i say or i don't. When i don't, its probably something i don't think you should hear.
I see signs. And signs don't lie.
And i guess i'm the useless one now.
I choose to trust cause i believe that every one have a conscience, that it would tell them what is the right thing to do. I guess i have been proven wrong before, but i still choose to trust. So what will you people do with the trust entrusted to you?
I wonder if i'm the stupid one. Just trust, have faith, but no given reason. No reason needed for trust? Ask yourself why do you trust someone. Is it blind faith?
I still wonder how am i to react when i see some stuff in front of me. I can't help but notice. Why? I just have the habit of observation. That's why i always choose the back seat in class. Right smack behind in the middle, where i can see everything. I don't choose what i want to see. I see all. And i read too much into behaviour? Maybe. I guess now what i need is reassurance, but i don't think i will get that.
I was thinking about taking a photo of a shattered heart for a while. Take a piece of glass in the shape of a heart, tape it with some transparent tape, then use a hammer or something to smash it. After all that will i take a photo. Maybe should take a before and after, and probably the extent i can break it. But first i have to find a glass heart. Another holiday project i guess.
I guess i'm not in the studying mood at the moment. Nothing much in my life seems right at the moment. The light of hope at the end is flickering. Just wondering if it was ever treasured in the first place now. Where did advice come from? Experienced people or people of little experience?
I want to believe, but i need someone to help me believe.
Today during class in the morning, helped Lucas' friend friend from RP with soem problem solving thing. He asked me to look at the slides, and after a glance, i just asked him was it from RP. I guessed i kind of surprised him by actually guessing the source. =x
Anyway, in the end i came up with a report which was in the end rejected as the friend had to do some graphing thing... Oh well... It was just a simple hypothesis anyway. I guess the science stuff i have learned never really left me.
I hate liars, and thus don't lie myself. Want me to say what i think? It's either i say or i don't. When i don't, its probably something i don't think you should hear.
I see signs. And signs don't lie.
And i guess i'm the useless one now.
I choose to trust cause i believe that every one have a conscience, that it would tell them what is the right thing to do. I guess i have been proven wrong before, but i still choose to trust. So what will you people do with the trust entrusted to you?
I wonder if i'm the stupid one. Just trust, have faith, but no given reason. No reason needed for trust? Ask yourself why do you trust someone. Is it blind faith?
I still wonder how am i to react when i see some stuff in front of me. I can't help but notice. Why? I just have the habit of observation. That's why i always choose the back seat in class. Right smack behind in the middle, where i can see everything. I don't choose what i want to see. I see all. And i read too much into behaviour? Maybe. I guess now what i need is reassurance, but i don't think i will get that.
I was thinking about taking a photo of a shattered heart for a while. Take a piece of glass in the shape of a heart, tape it with some transparent tape, then use a hammer or something to smash it. After all that will i take a photo. Maybe should take a before and after, and probably the extent i can break it. But first i have to find a glass heart. Another holiday project i guess.
I guess i'm not in the studying mood at the moment. Nothing much in my life seems right at the moment. The light of hope at the end is flickering. Just wondering if it was ever treasured in the first place now. Where did advice come from? Experienced people or people of little experience?
I want to believe, but i need someone to help me believe.
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