Lost

Funny title i have here... nothing to do with any hit TV series...

My father was wared int othe hospital yesterday... juz had operation... visting him tomorrow... funny thing is that i m still going on my life as normal... i juz feel... heartless... but m i? i don't think so... it juz that recently that i learned that smiling is one of the best medicines around too... but now the smile seems fake... as fake as a few months ago when i didn't believe in smiling or laughing... at least my mom have started to cool down abit... unlike in the last post... but my bro is acting like a idiot now... Who he think he is? i won't allow him to push me around here...

Got back my results today... not very bad or too good... 5th in class and 8th in level... not bad? But i can't help thinking wat m i compared to people from other schools... my school is not actually the best in Singapore... juz hope wat i can do in enough....

Looks like i m going to end this entry with a low moral... but u out there reading this, never takes things for granted, do not make the same mistake as my bro or mom...

FED UP

Just came back from camp today... tired like crap but still did the basic house work of keeping the clothing... n when my mom came back, she scolded me... for wat u will ask. just for asking her to get a little extra food back for me... pointless scolding if u ask me...

she gets fed up over the little things... WHO SHE THINK SHE IS?!!?! WHATS WRONG TWITH MY BROTHER UNDER PERFORMING?!?!!? U WERE THE ONE THAT SCOLED HIM ALMOST EVERY NIGHT!!!!!!!!! U WERE THE ONE THAT COMPLAINED N CHOSE TO GO AGAINST ALL OTHER METHODS OF GETTING HIM TO WORK!!!!!! U WERE THE ONE THAT STRESS HIM OUT WHEN SHE KEPT MUMBLING OUT LOUD ABOUT HIM!!!!!! U WERE THE ONE THAT STRESSED THE WHOLE FAMILY OUT N WAS UNWILLING TO ADMIT IT EVEN WHEN WE TOLD U OFF NICLY OR RUDELY!!!!!!! U WERE THE ONE WHO CHOSE NOT TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS EVEN THOUGHT WE ASK U NICELY TO!!!!!! WHAT ELSE U EXPECT ME TO DO WITH MY BRO IF U KEEP INTERRUPTING ME!!!!!!!! AND SOMETIMES I FEEL ASHAMED WHEN I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT U AS THER IS NOTHING MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!!!! U call urself my mom.... but think about it... do u think i handled my things in school well as a councillor n thus can handle my bro? Like thay say, it starts at home... n it never started... n so what makes u think i handled the things at school sucessfully?

I go for my school camps mainly to get energised metally... but always get drained at home... U chose not to improve n thus i have decided to leave u behind... u can't even lead by example... thinking ur respondsibility is only to feed us... never understanding us... continue feeding us, but u have just been left behind...

Bandaged Knee

This is what my knee looked like last saturday after a vist to a chinese sensei in Chinatown...
the chinese sensei did a good job but i think i undid it at the camp...

Next Week's Rush...

Next week i will be off to camp... up to Wednesday... then back to school to do finish all the videos n pictures for the student council with some one else... How r 2 people to do this kind of thing? Guess we will find out next week, after a tiring camp...

Had a funny day today... i went to where people play card games only that i purposely didn't bring anything to play against them with... then why was i there anyway? just went there to learn any new playing styles... learned a few interesting ones... at least the people getting trashed r not me...

That's all i got today... i probably went this place as my friend didn't confirm if an outing was taking place... n got bored n decided to go there... my advice of the is thus... do not even read this section... it is noncense most of the time...

There’s Always A First Time…

First time for what today? Well, today is the first time I went to K-box(karaoke thingy)… always knew I suck at singing but this time I went because I bumped into some of my friend this morning… strange but interesting… all I knew was that I was very free today and had nothing better to do so I decided to join them… like I said, I still sang extremely horrible… to me I supposed… I never could match those high notes anyway… but a good start in singing anyway… (Singapore Idol her I come…) Probably my friends got a head start…

One more thing for readers of this blog. When u enter this blog, I hope u leave all tour unhappiness behind as only me is allowed to be depressed here. ( Selfish huh?) So until my next entry, do not wipe the simile off your face unless necessary… wasn’t necessary today anyway… so that means I also have to start listening to my own advice some times…

My Pic!!

Man do i look ugly...

The Finale...

WOW... just finished my last exam paper today... chemistry never easy... especially when ur teacher set it... n she is the head of department for science... How can multiple choice questions be so hard even with 4 choices?!?!?!?! Oh well... at least i finished the paper...

Guess i m feeling childish today... but i got trashed at yugioh today...(a card game really...)... I got terashed so may times that i... nevermind. When i got home, i took apart my whole deck n decided to sell some of the stuff.... was getting kinda bored with it any way, time for a change.... I m still going to play, just MIA for the moment....

That's probably all i got from today... A word of advice though, never start playing games i m playing... u will go broke over it...n i ain't implying anything....

HOW ON EARTH?!?!?!?!

Man, how on earth did my teacher found out so much about my family in one go? I don’t talk about family in school…I find it strange when she told me my sis n bro names…FOUND OUT FROM A TEACHER FROM MY PRIMARY SCHOOL?!?!?! Man…my bro must be controversial at my primary school…I was noting there…N NOW HE CAUSE MY TEACHER 2 FINDOUT ABOUT ME?!?!?! Man…all those years of keeping quiet hasn’t done much at all I see…my teacher now knows my mom kills us with a lot of pressure…what I like to do…what I don’t like to do…HELP ME HERE!!!! Oh well…he is going have to face me soon anyway… ;-)

From last week onwards, I have decided to ignore my feelings for a well…they mostly get me mixed up…so for the better or the worst, I won’t know until I try… Why am I doing this? I m a troubled kid…emotions just shake me up even more…this is not permanent…it is just until I learn how to control them…n prevent it from getting me into further trouble…

That’s all from me today…And the phrase of the day is “listen to your mind n not your heart”…Contrary to the famous phrase “listen to your heart”…It only leads to certain…embarrassment… Follow the phrase or learn it the hard way, it is up to U…

Blank

I m totally blank right now… what m I supposed to type about anyway? I m losing steam here… what ever happens now will not be interesting to me… unless something drastic happens, like if mom suddenly become a totally new person or someone close to me is suddenly gone…(but I doubt if the second ever apply to me… I m not close to any one actually…)

The fire going off soon… I need to look for a new source of passion here… a new source of will to write and maintain (what is there to maintain anyway?) this blog... I always wanted to improve this blog but couldn’t find the strength or will power to do it…(excuses, excuses, excuses…) if only this… if only that…oh well… guess I m getting a bit troublesome…wonder if my mom was listening during that parents talk yesterday… if she was, I would probably see a change… if I don’t see a change, the same she will be…

That all for today… so still next time, try not to be such a negative and lame person like me…

Dreams

Started of like visions …

Never knowing the reasons…

Seeing this people…

Again n again…

Guess I will never know…

Why I have these dreams…

Nightmare or otherwise…

What seems good here…

Ain’t the same there…

What’s happy here…

Is frightening there…

No one else knows…

What it’s like…

Having these strange dreams…

Night after night…

Shush…

Now I won’t say that no one cares for me… just because they are the minority… (that seems to rhythm) I m trying out typin my bog first in Microsoft word then coping it over… i m just not happy with what happened last time when the internet connection was unstable n lost half an entry…

Alright, iknow some people care for me… my dad… my mom (to a certain extent)… SOME of my friends… that “some” word was highlighted purposely… let’s see if anyone respone to it (he he)… it just that one of my friend offer to share her food with me last Wednesday really touched me… I was just complaining away about not eating recess n lunch when she offered to let me eat her food her father brought for her… touched I was…I didn’t accept he food as I will feel too guilty anyway…

Man… now I have to be careful what I write( or type) here… Just because of some people in Singapore started using their blogs to insult teachers or for racism… Hope I don’t end up punished like them… I didn’t type any thing wrong, did i? I will probably find out when i get any feedback from the authorities… which seems unlikely…

Guess I m stuck to ending my blog like this… so till next time u read anything here... remember to not allow any one to stop u from accomplishing ur goal… unless it is an evil one…