Back From The Hospital : Part 5 , What's That Big Needle For?

Went back to the hospital for my medical review today. They found everything bout me is back to normal. The doctor couldn't explain the cause of the pain that i have been experiencing since my pneumothorax is gone(again...). If this comes back again, i am going to go crazy from the weeks of not being able to run around... I need to exercise...

The title? They did blood test on me today. There the doctor took out a syringe 2 times the size of the normal one with the needle tip 2-3 times bigger than the the tip of my pencil. I was like so shocked when i saw it... first time i saw the needle going in. But it wasn't that bad. He only drew up to half of that syringe...

That's all the nonense i have for today. Till next time, keep smiling and never let other people pull you down.

NEW SKIN!!!!

Churn out a new skin for myself yesterday. finally one with pictures. Finally getting used to reading the coding. Kinda tiring if one stare at it for too long. But that must have been the case for me, cause i have been able to visualise HTML coding the pass few days... Guess i am going crazy... but not as crazy as my younger sis, she churned out 3 skins at one go yesterday... About the quality, i am not so sure...

Going back to the hospital for my medical review tomorrow. wish me all the best as the pains in my chest has became sharper than usual. U don't want to know how it feels like to feel something sharp in your chest. It just comes and goes. Caused me 2 nights of rest already. Might as well stay up the whole night to do blog skin for people...(this doesn't mean you can ask me anytime, cause i am busy with one at the moment. First come first serve and i will only do one at a time.)

Yeah, the joy of making blog skins. You people should try it too. The satisfaction when you complete your own skin cannot be described. go try it urself. So till next time, keep smiling cause even if you feel unhappy, that is probably the best way to try to get back up on your feet. and continue with your journey with life.

Back From the Hospital : Part 4

Was in school in the morining until i sudenly felt very weak. What do i mean? Well, it means i felt like i could collasp any moment. Imagine if that actually happened during the flag raising ceremony this morning. At least that didn't happened. Sure i went to call my dad and he brought me to the hospital again.

There i was, feeling very weak with chest pains coming at random intervals. The pains have been there for a few days anyway. The doctor said that my pneumothorax is back. It still minor but if i feel breathless, call 995.(remind me people) It was the same as last time, i got around 10% pneumothrax. Crap. Got follow up next week to ensure it goes down, with the "expectant" treatment. It is just hoping that it will go down, or else i don't know and don't want to know now. They didn't poke any needle in this this as they fear that it could get worse as this will the second time if they do it and if it gets worse, a tube will be going in.(ARGH!!!)

What now? Hope for the best? Honestly i don't know what to do now as the past few days i have been feeling very blur. Don't know what is the problem with me but i also feel more tired than usual. ARGH!!! What am i supposed to to do with the 32 more days of MC to excuse me from physical exercise? Man, i am really going crazy.

That's all for today. Lets hope till next time my blurness don't cause me to do anything stupid (even thought i think i did do something stupid already) . So till next time, remember to call 995 is you see me breathless r something like that unless i have fully recovered and keep smiling.

Back from The Hospital : Part 3

I am sure everybody is getting sick withe the back from the hospital series, but i cannot assure this will be the last in the series.(MWAHAHAHAHA) Today was a check up because of blood in stools. What is stools? Translation: Crap; Shit etc.. Eww? The doctor said i had piles? What's that? I honestly do not know. All i knew was that my butt was very painful after the checkup. She stuck something up my *ahem* and pulled it out after awhile. She said it won't be painful as long as i relaxed but how am i to relax with you doing such a thing? Youch... It still hurts...

Took some photos in the waiting room with my phone.Check out the queue number!

Now see the display for the queue numbersConsultation first visit $70?!?!?!Wanna see the carpet floor?
SMS me reminders i didn't get!!And now see the pattern of the chair cover!!
Okay, that's enough lameness for a day. May God help me to find courage to face doctor next time i have to see one. All my experiences has not been pleasant. So till next time, keep smiling! And mean it too at the same time.

A Letter To Her

Hi there,

Guess I always start a letter the same way. Why am I writing this? Cause I am confused. Confused about how I feel. That is why I chose to concentrate on my studies this year. This strange feeling caused me countless nights of sleep in the past and it still do today. I wish for it to disappear, but at the same time, I want it to stay. You may never read this, but I hope you will know.

That day on the bus, I did not really heard what you said. But I realized what it was after I was back home. I was worried because that was the day of the murder in our neighborhood, and decided to ask if you made it home. Then my mind had a play back. What did you say that you did not want to repeat yourself? The scene kept replaying over and over in my mind, until I got it. Guess I am an idiot for not being able to think on the spot. For that I am sorry. Cause when I realized what you said, I just blanked out. Thoughts than started to fly across my head: Did I just miss a chance? But didn’t I promise myself I will study hard this year? Who can I ask for advice? What am I to do? What is this feeling I am feeling? Am I crazy? Somebody kill me!

What am I to do anyway? Tell you that I would or would not have done it? Tell you that I am going to not bother about you? Or should I ignore you? What will happen if I do any of this? The possibilities are endless. Sure I showed concern. But I am not goingto breaking my own promise that easily. Guess I am torn in half. Now you seem to be ignoring me. Is that good or bad for me? Guess I am only full of questions and nothing else. And probably full of crap too. I have chosen to support you from the shadows all this while. That’s probably the way it will stay. Do I want it to change? Sure I do. But is the timing right? I don’t know. Is it the right time to break my promise too? I don’t know. Cause the last time I succumb to this feelings, I was made us of, humiliated, and thrown aside. For me to give in to this feelings again will mean I have to face my past. The past that I have chosen to have leave behind. I can forgive but I can never forget.

Will anyone ever understand me? I need someone that I can trust to talk to. Do I even have someone out there? I trust God to help in my life, but he cannot help me in everything. There will be things that I have to settle myself. Will God help me in this matter? Wish he would, cause it is getting harder to read peoples minds.

All the best to you
Kelvin

Stange Inspiration

I got an idea for some new poem through chinese class today. It was composition writing competition and one of the topics was this. I just found it a good title for a poem and here you have it...

Half the Photograph

After the fight
All thats left
Was just half the photograph
The other half
Torn to shreds
Pieces left
To fall like rain

After the light
All thats left
Was half the photograph
Did I take the wrong half?
Cause the face on it
Is not mine
But yours

After the end
All thats left
Was half the photograph
I want to
Tear it up
But I just can’t
Bring myself to do it

After the pain
All thats left
Was just half the photograph
And I wish
That it will be whole
Once again

Comments on the tagboard please!!!

Spoil my mood some more...

What do you peple think bout the poem of some sort that i came up with? Sure it sucks to a certain extent but it also rocks to a certain extant. The only matter is only to what extent... Other than that, it just feels strange for me to spend valentines day alone. Other than that also, i walked out of my house again today because i was unhappy with my mom. She just couldn't shut up about me not doing a house chore earlier. Come on, she came home eariler. What does she want me to do? Finish everything when i am also busy with my own stuff? Going to ask Mr Lim to get me a appointment with the counsellor tomorrow. Got to find out if i am the one with the problem...

For today, i shall type about a topic that may link with today. There are mainly 3 types of people i will do almost anything (Read the ALMOST and not everything) for. 1st type: The people who i am interested in. That group contain only girls so don't get anywrong ideas. 2nd type: My friends. How else am i suppose to thank them for being with such a depressed person? 3rd type: People who like to look cute. If they ask me to do anything, i have no choice but to do it unless i want to be "scolded" such that i get the shivers and to prevent them from "haressing" me.

I have designed a new skin. Whats left now is the coding. Gues i may have to do it when i am free some other day.

That's all for Valentnes Day. So till next time, don't give up hope. Even if it is only a spark, it can grow into a fire.(don't ask me what i am writing , cause i als don't really know.)

This Valentines Day

This Valentines Day
I know I will be
Spending it alone
Just hoping that
I could spend it with someone
That I want to know

This Valentines Day
I wish I could
Just tell the truth
And you would know how I feel
But in this world
It never works this way
Does it even matter what I get for you?
Does it even matter if I do?
Thus I hope this will be more
Than word to you

This Valentines Day
Ain’t no normal day
Sure it happens
Every year
But this is the only year
I decided that
My heart won’t be shown

This Valentines Day
All I have for you
Are just this words
Without the hurt
I’ve never understood love
But I hope this is
Though a shattered heart
Is all I have to give

This Valentines Day
Is also a day of hopes
That one day I will know
What the heart is to man
I may never find the answer I seek
But I hope
Someone will still be there for me

Okay... Here is the poem. Happy now SweeHao? ShuWen? Now just try not to remind me too much about this...

I Am Feeling Stupid...

I am feeling stupid now and feel like doing something stupid. No... I won't do anything stupid, but i will do something stupid.(get it?) Hah! I just did something stupid!

Man, i am losingm y mind nowadays for no hell pf a reason, as you have just seen. Iahve became more blur, more tired, more of everything negative.(besides becomeing bad and smiling for no hell of a reason.) Guess the skin was the result of the blurness... and that's a good thing also!

Been looking for fonts recently. To probably design a new skin. I am probably just bored with what i see everyday. The valentine day poem(or something) is going up on the day itself. Gues i will have a suer long post before that day to release some stress too. But till then, i am just going to try yo keep my bro of my com. Keep up the good work of disconnecting more, my wireless adaptor... hehehe...

That's all for today. So till next time folks, keep that smile on your face and mean it too, and you will surpass me, cause the meaning it part is the hardest part for me at times...

Cheesy Me...

YEAH!! I have finally done my own skin. It looks abit funny, but to me it rocks!!! I seem to be excited over nothing now anyway.

I am also almost finished with my Valentines Day poem. Remember when i said i will write one? Finally got (or forced) myself to start writing it in the middle of the night yesterday. I am very sure it will ge alot of cheesy comments as it is cheesy itself. How can i write this kind of things? Guess i have to get myself into a cheesy mood first...

That's all for today folks. Still next time, never give up hope on yourself. Best if others are also included. :D

Back From The Hospital : Part 2

Went to the doctor for my check up today. He said i was okay!!! My pneumothorax is gone. But(like always) There is a 50% chance of it returning and if that time comes, under the knife i go... And my MC got extended 6 weeks... ARGH!! I WANNA PLAY BASKETBALL!!! BUT I CANNOT!!!

Swee Hao just told me geography was postponed to tomorrow and that the chinese teacher didn't come today... Why?? Why of all days it happens on the day of my disappearence?? Guess my absence is the class gain...

One of my shortest post today will be as i am currently to lazy to type further now. So still next time, keep that smile on your face. I can't keep telling you people this, but life has been such that i have to do this to convince my self too...

Who Sees The Title Anyway??

I am tired. Just tired. Tired of everything? Think so. Hey mom, listen up. Not listening yet? Try the translation "Shut Up And Listen". No offence to Guipei now but, what's the use of a mother that doesn't really care how you feel? Not even willing to take the time off to understand you? Guess it is the same as having no mom at all, don't some of you agree? Do you even know what this pain in the chest is like? How it can come and go? And immobilise you at any moment in my life? And did you know how i felt whenever u ask me to do something i didn't wanted to do but still did it? I did it willing. I never expected anything back. That day was my sis baptism. I said i will make it there even if i didn't go for teh service. Why? I was scared my body couldn't handle the service yet. And guess what? I was right. The whole chest was uncomfortable. I didn't think u realised anything, even thought you were just a sit away from me. My sis realised. Did you? And that look you gave me after the service ended. What did you think of that look? Did you thought it was insulting? Cause i thought it was. Sure your "stare of death" used to work, but did you think it will always work? You want respect? Earn it. You want face? Earn it. So what if i cried in the haker centre? I prefer it to shouting. Think i am petty? (my sis is a realible source) Guess you are the one still being bothered by it. Not me. You have little or no power over me now. The more you choose not to listen, the more you choose not to know, the more you choose to not understand...

Wow, another post bout my mom... Man am i losing it over her. Not worth it? Sorry but i can't help it with her around me most of the time. It's euther i am paranoid or that she keeps walking behind me or stand next to me doing something else when i want some privacy. She will never confess to doing anything anyway so i shall not care. It sucks to feel this way...

I am now going to use this blog to sort out some of my thinking. Valentines day is nearing. 2 girls. Both have known for some time. Should i get a present for either one both or non at all?? Suddenly another one steps into your life. Than crap. I hate two-timers(so i am included) , now three? The 3rd one ain't really there yet so the other two... One i ahve known for a long time. Best stay as friends. The other don't seem well at teh moment. Best to leave alone. Looks like i have solve my own problem!!! YEAH!!! Actually no... Wait a minute... I have decided to ignore this feelings some time ago... MUST KEEP MY WORD!!!! Okay, solve the problem already... I hope...

That's all for today. So still next time, cheer up and smile. Can't? Ring me up if you know my number or if you don't, google for jokes. I never tried that before but i hope it works...