Chao Tar Fingers

Was at a BBQ yesterday. Campus Crusade BBQ. Ate, chat, cooked food and probably ended up with burnt fingers too. Seems like my fingers are getting used to being burnt, doesnt hurt as much has they used to. XD

Seems like my outlook on life has changed quite a bit from the past. Used to like to bring up the past alot. Now i just want the past to stay the past, and only take back lessons from them. Not going to let the past haunt me.

Was chatting with Joel and Jacob (Waitamin... Just realised both have names starting with Js...) towards the end of the bbq. Talked about NS, walk with God, life and BGRs. Listening to people sharing experiences is comforting sometimes. Helps put some stuffs into perspective. Still a long way to go for me...

One interesting thing Jacob shared about was about God opening wounds that haven't been healed properly. We either become numb to the pain of a wound, or we are healed from the pain. Both may feel the same, but are actually very different. This topic came about when he was talking about how he felt when his ex got attached. Another phase to go through will probably be his ex getting married and having children.

And yeah, this may sounds like an excuse, but true men do cry. It's not easy for men to show their emotions, so when we do, it takes a lot of courage to do so. =x

I kind of understand what he meant when he said when it felt like a dagger piercing his heart when he found out his ex was getting attached. Let go and move on, that's one of the way to deal with it. Just don't know what to do sometimes. It hurts, but yet i can't do anything about it. Got a feeling i'm getting very good at hiding it... Maybe a bit too good...

Had a medical appointment this morning. All i did was went there, waited, and saw the doctor to tell me that i'm fine and he can't find anything wrong with my heart. Got good news and bad new though. Good news is that i won't have to go back to the National Heart Centre for a while. Bad news? I still have to go back ot the hospital cause i asked for a referral to see another specialist about my legs. One day i may just learn the whole layout of SGH... Been to enough building to roughly know where most the things are... Wonder if that is a good thing... =x

I wonder if you knew your actions was causing someone else pain but that person chooses not to tell you because that person doesn't want to affect you negatively, what would you do? Or do you not care at all? Statement not meant for anyone in particular, just random thoughts after a long day. XD

Another random thought again: Love doesn't have to hurt. When it hurts, it usually means something is wrong. And then there are the usual options on what to do...

Man... Going to need a soon. Helping out in another wedding the following Saturday. Wonder how they choose ushers for weddings... Somehow i got in... Been helping out in too many? Hmm... But it's quite nice to be at weddings. Have the dreamy feel to them... And they are quite fun too!! Especially when they share their experience. The next best part will of course be the food... =x

Looks like i like listening to and reading life stories. Some are so nice that we wish it would happen to us. But the thing is that each of us have our own life stories to live out. At some point the stories of 2 people may become 1 story, or a story may become that of 2 people. All of us have a different and unique life story, that's why i don't find it boring to listen to more. The best part? It stories never end till the end of you lives. That's how i feel true stories should be: Never ending. (:

Ah... Better go to sleep now or i may end up a zombie tomorrow... See yah!

Never will i live in hatred or anger again

Try not to get me too worked up. Thanks (:

Heard a interesting song today. Originally done by Michael Jackson. Man in the mirror. So there's where i'll start with. See yah next time!

I'm starting the man in the mirror... I'm asking him to change his ways...

I'm trying not to think too much...

I guess there's a reason for every dream we have, or at least those we remember. It usually reflect what we are going through or are thinking about. had dream involving a lecturer, probably cause then i was occupied with work. Had dreams about someone else, probably cause it has been a while since i've felt that way, and will probably be a while before i feel that way again.

Suddenly i realise i don't remember how those feelings felt anymore. I remember dreaming about how it felt, and it felt great, but i can't seem to remember how it feels anymore. Wondering if it's a sad thing or a happy thing now. Sad cause i forgot how it feels to be _____ and be so happy, or happy cause i don't yearn for the to feel that way as much now.

Anyway, on to happier stuff. Went out for lunch with Ben and Jason after church today. Got carried away at the arcade cause we just can't seem to lose... =x So we ended up leaving the arcade late... Hopefully Ben made it back to camp in time... XD

Was thinking about watching a movie at first, but in the end couldn't find something all of us could agree on so ended up LAN instead... Been ages since i've went to a LAN centre... Still as horrible at gaming as i was in the past, not that i'm complaining about it. =x

Won't be in school Thursday morning for a medical checkup. Was thinking how nice it would be if i had company waiting while waiting for my turn, but don't expect my mom to be with me. She would probably complain about how long we have to wait for my turn to see the doctor anyway... I guess i have to make do with what i have with me at the moment... Bring the PSP out of semi retirement? Find a power socket and play something on my computer? Hmm... Attempt to solve a rubic's cube? Ah... Wait till then will i then decide i guess... But no rubic's cube... Brain already saturated from all the information on robots... @.@

Ah... That's probably all for now, better go prepare for tomorrow. See yah.

I can wait forever... For now...

Talk about an oxymoron for an title... But that's the way some things are some times when people are not ready for commitment. I guess it may also describe me at the moment.

I guess i'm in a weird mood at the moment. I guess i should be happy at the way things are already, which i'm actually am already. But sometimes i still wonder if there is something more. Or may i be just be thinking a bit too much at times. Don't be greedy Kelvn...

Man.. The NBA game this morning was crazy... Talk about hitting the game winner with 1 second left on the clock... Crazy stuff...

I guess my life is just a mixture of weird situations, with a bunch of ordinary people trying to find the best way to live their life. And when situations get super awkard... Life still goes on. (:

Wanted to blog about something but totally forgot what it is... Must be getting a bit too tired... @.@ Better go sleep now... See yah next time!

Still Surviving i think

FYP so far still behind schedule. PCB just sent in for checking, hopefully will be able to settle components order by tomorrow. Then will try to find some time to do a bit of homework before starting on the programming.

Sometimes i wonder why i still struggle so much. I try not to do something that will cause people to "stumble and fall", yet i feel like sometimes i "stumble and fall". If it's my own doing i'll learn from it, but if it's someone else's actions, just doesn't seem good to me. Everybody can only not bother about something so much. Anything more, it would only be possible with divine help. =x

Wonder why was i thinking of what job i would lie kot take up during the break after poly before NS... Was thinking of helping out at some childcare or gettign something related to playing with young kids... Ok, may be thinking abit tooooooo far... =x

Some days of my life seems to be weird at times when i think back about it... Other days are crazy... Some are just depressing, the rest ordinary. They are still days nevertheless, meant to be given your all or it just will never matter at all. Carpe Diem people.

Man... Looks like it's going to be a warm night tonight... Going to have to use the fan again i guess... Waitamin... Suddenly there's wind again!! HURRAY!! =x

I guess i better go grab some eye shut. That or either i learn how to sleep in school... Oh well, see yah around!

Simple Plan - I Can Wait Forever

Beautiful song so i guess i'll share. (:



You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away

And I can't lie every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face tonight
Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait, I can wait forever

When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it won´t stop bleeding
But I can wait, I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today
It's like every time I turn around I see your face
The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you
When I look into your eyes, man I wish that I could stay

And I can't lie every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face tonight
Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait, I can wait forever

When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it won´t stop bleeding
But I can wait, I can wait, I can wait forever

I know it feels like "forever"
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay
But when I come back home to feel your touch makes it better
Until that day there's nothing else that I can do
And I just can't take it, I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait, I can wait forever

When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it won´t stop bleeding
But I can wait, I can wait, I can wait forever

I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever

What is love again?

Someone: What is love?

Me: God?

Someone: No... i want you to tell me what you learned so far, not some ideal answer...

Me: Ok... What i do know about it is that it's a lot of things. A mom feeding a child is love. A dad scolding his son is also love. A sister chasing her brother can be too. That hug from the child to the parents is also heart warming. It can be a feeling, when we feel something for someone. It can also be a choice, when we can choose to either ignore or help someone. It can be that kid helping that old lady cross the street, that man giving up the seat for someone who needs it more. It can also be this(link), this(link) and this(link). That's how much it covers i guess. Still learning as i go along.

Someone: But is that all you learned so far?

Me: Don't think so... Still got some stuffs i probably can't remember at the moment. Another one is that it can also mean holding on to something/someone cause you want to protect it/someone and let it have a better future, or letting it/someone go cause it's the better thing to do. Holding on is what many people know how to. It the letting go that seems so hard sometimes.

Someone: Why does it seem so hard anyway? Isn't letting go just letting go?

Me: Sometimes, you get so used to somethings in life, that letting of of them seems like the end of the world, cause they were part of it. It's like having part of yourself being ripped out, like losing a body part and becoming handicapped. But when you realise that holding isn't going to help them, what are you supposed to do? Hold on and deter the person from developing in life? That would be selfish, wouldn't it? So letting go may not be the easiest thing to do, but sometimes its the right thing to do, and if you really love that person, you will.

Someone: The concept of if it's meant to be yours, it will be?

Me: Not the point, at least for me. You don't really bother if the person comes back or not, it's more like that if that person is fine and happy, learning from life and becoming a better person. Somehow it joyful to see someone you care about becoming a more better person each day.

Someone: What if the person isn't fine and happy, or just not becoming any better at all? And becoming worst instead?

Me: Ah... Where did all these questions come from? I guess i'm still looking for the answers too. I guess my first reckless reaction will be to try and do something. But i guess sometimes people don't learn lessons until they "bang their heads against the wall". If you asked me what i knew about love a year ago, i would have probably said something that wouldn't even make sense at all. But now, after "banging" so many times, i know a little more than i did then. A teeny little bit more. These people may fall down and bruise themselves a little, but i'll be there for them if they need a hand. (:

Someone: But what if there is absolutly nothing you can do to help at all?

Me: I pray. And i pray not as a last resort. It's more of a all the time thing. You can't be there for them all the time, but God can. When i'm powerless, He's strong. Entrusting them to God helps with the needless worries, be it for life or them. Maybe i pray alot cause i'm insecure, have too much worries and think too much. But believeing that there's this powerful person taking care of those things we treasure, those things we love, helps alot with life. But it doesn't mean we take what we have for granted and stop doing anything altogether. When the time is right, we'll probably know what to do.

Someone: What if this someone of this group of people special to you hurts you? And deeply too? Will you still love them? Or will you end up hating them?

Me: Ha... If i ever end up hating anyone for long cause of this, my parents would have been my first targets already. It's hard to forgive at first, cause, at least for me, wondered about "why would i be hurt anyway? Doesn't this person love me too?" But i learned to look inside of myself, and ask myself if i've ever hurt them in anyway. We humans are falliable beings, and it shows that all the more we should forgive one another. If we make mistakes, we apologise and learn. And a quote i saw recently to round it off: "Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." - Peter Ustinov

Someone: Then do you think love sacrifices?

Me: Love doesn't sacrifice, but sacrifice can show love... Ok, not sure about this yet... Or i may be a bit too tired to think... Ask me again in 6 months? =x I'm still learning new stuffs everyday, hopefully one day i'll be able to at least know a little of what love is about. (:

And for the Mothers out there

Happy Mothers' Day! Here's something i just read earlier:

A teacher gave her class of second-graders a lesson about the magnet and what it does. The next day, in a written test, she included this question: “My name has six letters. The first one is m. I pick up things. What am I?” When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word mother.
Taken from http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/our-daily-bread/2009/05/10/devotion.aspx

Kind of show how major Moms are in our lives, that they are more effective than magents at picking up things... =x

Took this photo recently at a point in school. Felt like like catching a glimpse of heaven, especially with that bright spot in the sky cause of the sun shining on a cloud formation that looked like a castle. Okay, maybe cause it was early in the morning and i was still feeling slightly drowsy... XD

Went out for lunch with family after church today to celebrate mother's day. Went to Swensens, had our own main course, ice cream, free family photo and carnation for mom. Basically ate till crazy. Somehow my mom and i ended up playing with the baby boy from next table. Was using all the funny faces i could think of... At least funny for kids... =x

The kid was cute, try to imitate the sound of a another kid crying at another table. Sounded like some fire engine siren... My bro kept saying that the kid found me interesting, but of course... Ain't i interesting?? =x

Quite a well trained mannered kid, could wave and say stuff and so those kiss wave things just from what his mom says. Mom say wave, he waves. Mom says say auntie/ gor gor, he says it. Cute guy... At least now i know what my mom can do after she retires... Child care/education for young kids... That is if she ever retires... =x Don't even think about messing with young kids at the moment... Not that i don't like it, just don't think i'm ready to take them on yet... =x

But anyway, check out my mega burger meal. Don't know what possessed me to order it... But it met it's objective of being filling and that fine with me. XD
Looks like i need the weekends to recover lost sleep from the weekdays... Hmm... Looks like have to talk to Dr Lee bout next Saturday if i want to survive another week of school... =x

Got the urge to type another super deep post that probably not many will understand... But i look at the time, and think about the hours i'll be sleeping... Maybe i'll postpone it to another day... Oh well, better go off now. See yah!

Woah... Looks like for the whole week, i'm only going to have dinner at home during weekends. Crazy schedule... And looks like i'm going to have to get used to averaging about 5 hours or less worth of sleep during school days too. Wonder how i'm actually surviving it... And i better make this post quick so i can do my homework... =x

I'm going to try typing this paragraph with the extras dots to end the sentences. It will probably seem less depressing. Hmm, i still have to do jacket design, redo PC board again, meet up with people and some other stuffs i can't rmb. Let's see how many of it can i complete by tomorrow.

Ok, so there you go. So does the above paragraph look less depressing? I just happen to like using extra dots at the moment. I'm probably depressed, but i'm not letting it stop me from living life ot the fullest. (:

Last semester was for me to be still and know His power. I wonder what's for this semester... Same as last sem, or something else for me to learn?

It seems the concept of a strong foundation can be applied to almost everything. Without a strong foundation, it will never survive the storm. Just anotehr random thought that came to my head. :/

Oh well, that's about it for now. Better get started with homework already. See yah!

i ran out of class just to blog this cause i just felt the need to express myself somewhere. =x

Something just struck me. Was talking about someone's breakup earlier. At first it seems like it was quite sudden. But after more thinking, it actually isn't. There were reasons it happened, and it suddenly seems not so sudden anymore. Just felt like getting that off my chest. Was thinking of talking to someone about it but can't find someone in school to talk about it to now without it seeming inappropriate. So what else to do but to blog it down? XD

Oh well, better run back to class. 7 minutes post! Woah... See yah!

I need to sleep and yet i'm blogging...

Consequences people... Think about the consequences of your actions... Ok, that was random... Must be getting really tired... =x

Looks like this weeks is going to be another crazy week... Going to have to see what spare time i have and use it to write my essay... Argh...

Sorry about yesterday people. Horrible mood. Didn't know what i was thinking when i did any of those offending stuffs... And Glenda, it's not your fault... You may be a little bit bothersome at times but that's fine. (: (She probably won't see this anyway =x)

Sometimes the people around come up with remarks that are not about me, but yet i'm bothered by it. I wonder why... Is is cause the remarks are so horrible or do i still care about who they are remarking about?? I guess it's just that person's second nature to come up with such remarks... Ought to try to channel those negative remarks to something more positive.

Looks like tomorrow onwards will be when the hard part of the project starts... Settling the PC board... Someone please save me from the horror of having to face that piece of green plastic... T.T

Man... Just discovered some very very old photos on Facebook... Those of my student council days... How on earth did someoen managed to find them?? Oh well... Another part of my life caught on Facebook... XD

I htink i better start getting ready for tomorrow... Body going to need the rest to get through another crazy day too... See yah!

Where's my happy ending?

I kind of miss Nat's nasty but straight forward comments. Keeps me striving to be better and helps me to reflect better too. He's very good at destroying self-denial. Should meet up with him one of these days...

Was in a horrible mood today. Started with the rain, then followed by Mr Ng's class issue... Then everything else just built up from there. Just felt like destroying stuff i guess. All the basketballs i shot during lunch were too hard... Didn't have a case of it falling short today... Had the urge to punch the wall until it bled or something, but held back the temptation to... Wonder what's up with me today?

It seems like a lot of stuffs are piling up on plate these days... Wonder if i'm taking up more than i can handle... Maybe i should start cutting down...

I guess i should start visiting Pastor again... Need someone to talk to... Finding myself too lost in thoughts too often nowadays...

Thinking of journalling my more personal thoughts into a book or something. Maybe i will one of these days...

Oh well, better squeeze in a little work before heading to bed... See yah!

Hole Climber?

AAHHHH.... Another week of school coming in a few hours and here i m blogging... Man... I should be preparing in about 20 minutes hopefully...

Hmm... Today was another Sunday, spent with family after church. Was at Hougang Mall to find myself a new pair of track shoes (To run away faster in) and other stationaries. Hopefullt this new pair of shoes can help enchance my ability to run away from people who are chasing me for reasons i have no idea of, or if i have an idea of, to escape swiftly. =x

Went to Serangoon Gardens Chomp Chomp for dinner. Cramp and stuffy place. Food may be good, but for the good stuff must wait... Like 45mins for a plate of Hokkian Mee... Didn't order that though, thought the person who fried it at first was not the original old guy at first. Now that he's back, maybe i have reason to go back there again to eat... Didn't wanted to go back there at first cause of the environment... Don't like cramp and stuffy enclosed areas, don't mind cramp open areas though for some reason... XD

Man... Feel like having a bottle of coke right now... Don't know why having such a urge... Hot weather? Crazy throat? Oh well... Will satisfy myself tomorrow... If my throat allows me to... =x

I guess that's about all for now... Eye lids getting heavy for some reason... See yah!

Hey God, just wondering about some stuffs here... Why do i still feel that pain? Especially when i see *something* happening? Shouldn't i be happy for that person? Shouldn't i be more or less ok already? Why does the pain still come back? Just that, shouldn't i be happy that ** is happy? Shouldn't it be fine since we seem ok already? Help me through this...

May your will be done, not mine. Help me overcome what i have to. My days may not be easy, but i know i'll be able to make it through cause you will be there beside me. Thanks. (:

To let It out with a Run

I want to be selfish sometimes, just so i can get what i want. I don't want to hold back, just for the same reason. But it seems sometimes, what i want is not the best choice. I still think a lot, just not letting it affect who or what i want to be. And sometimes the best choice for everyone, is for me to not do anything at all no matter how much i want to. I guess i won't get what i want, but i guess as long as everyone is fine, i could do without it. (:

Interesting day today. Went to AMK hub to create a nebo membership card so Lucas can have extra vouchers for his gaming fix. I probably won't use the vouchers any much anyway, and he paid for most of the membership too, so why not? Went there to register about 3pm, supposedly should be done in a while, but the manager not in, and had to wait till 5:30pm to collect everything... So headed to arcade with Lucas and his cousin for a while to play while waiting for the tiem to collect the card...

And finally it got done, Lucas got the vouchers, went off with his cousin to Plaza Singapura to meet up with more friends to play while i headed home. On the way back, the bus broke down... Tire busted... Should have taken a pic to show how crazy it looked. the whole bus was slanted to one side cause of the tire. It tooked liek the tire exploded from the inside, bursting open. Decided to walk the rest of the way home since it's only 1 stop down, up the hill. Looks like today was a crazy day... First waiting for at least 2 hours to bus breaking down... Ah...

I feel like running again. Need to get a new pair of track shoes first though... Current one has just gotten 1 more pair of holes where there shouldn't be any holes any all...

And i will only wear a Tigger costume for 1 day in Alpha Centre only. No more then that. =x

I guess i should continue catching up on my sleep tonight. Won't get the chance to again until next weekend... Oh well... See yah around!

I wish for a lot of things, but i know we can never bring the past back. Look forward Kelvin, keep moving forward. Hopefully one day i may realise i made the right choice...