Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
well every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that i can't say
Every time I see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say
The current song on the blog. Just realised it originally came out in 1994. How did i come across it? An album i brought less than 2 years ago. "Collection of Acoustic Love Songs" Like how the guitar is played. hopefully will be able to play like this some day. Finger aching from worship practise today... And now from typing too... ouch...
I thinking of doing something, but don't know if i should do it... Just thinking of when is the right time i guess. And now people will start wondering what am i thinking of doing... XD
Won't be typing much tonight, fingers hurting alot... See yah.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
It's Done...
Finally the exams are over. And it will haunt me again in half a year, and a year from now. Still then, i should probably be worrying over other stuff...
What's next? Life didn't stop before the exams, it doesn't continue as it has never stopped in the first place. What's the next step for me to take? Time to think it over...
Realised i'm kind of impulsive... Not really the disciplined kind... Just do what i feel i should do. What they called following the heart, but kind of dumb sometimes as it gets me into so much troubles sometimes... Ah... Maybe i'll do something about it, maybe i won't...
Long day today. Will probably be a long day on Saturday again. Grabbing some rest now. See yah.
What's next? Life didn't stop before the exams, it doesn't continue as it has never stopped in the first place. What's the next step for me to take? Time to think it over...
Realised i'm kind of impulsive... Not really the disciplined kind... Just do what i feel i should do. What they called following the heart, but kind of dumb sometimes as it gets me into so much troubles sometimes... Ah... Maybe i'll do something about it, maybe i won't...
Long day today. Will probably be a long day on Saturday again. Grabbing some rest now. See yah.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Something i received in my inbox...
Just thought that you people should see and learn, not just see and choose not to take anything back with you. That would be kind of pointless right?
Taken from http://www.family.org.sg/familynews/FamNews.html. This is only page one. Take a look at page 2 if you want to. See yah.
Taken from http://www.family.org.sg/familynews/FamNews.html. This is only page one. Take a look at page 2 if you want to. See yah.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Today's paper was okay i guess, just hope-ing for a decent pass to be able to pass the module. Don't want to retake it again... Will probably just push me too far...
Been in a horrible mood lately. Been wanting to do crazy things. Just try not to ask me too much stuff, i don't want to end up shouting or screaming at somebody...
I'm currently trying to recuperate my body in time for dance sessions. Was under doc orders to rest for the next 2 weeks, but still feel the urge to just go out and run. But i know my body probably cannot take the stress at the moment so kind of stuck doing other non physical stuff...
Maybe it's because of the haze, or some other reason, that chest pains became a more regular thing. Been happening for about 2-3 weeks. Imagine having 3 different types given to you cause the doctor couldn't find what's causing the pain. I'm still amazed that the doc actually gave 3 different types last week when it got quite bad. 1st type: a lotion. 2nd: Pill that are kind of like panadol. 3rd: another pill that has to be taken with another pill to help with some stomach acid thing.
I try not to take any painkillers at home, since i should be fine anyway. Only when it gets tough to endure do i take one. Have yet to try all 3 in a go. Usually either use the lotion or take the panadol like one. Wonder if it will reach the stage where i have to use all 3...
Man... My nose is too sensitive... Can smell the smoke in the air...
I tend to notice the pain when i'm not doing anything that requires much concentration. What's kind of worrying for me is that it's kind of always there, and there seems to be no explaination for it so far... So am i in pain? Yes, just that some times its quite slight, and i tend to ignore the pain as showing it doesn't help much anyway. Kind of getting used to it. Only when it gets worst do i try to find somewhere else to rest.
Let's see... No sports, no extreme things for a while... At least it coincides with this exam period... Am able to study without being distracted by the want to go out, cause i just don't feel like going out with this kind of condition...
So... Is it fun to go to the hospital? No. Is it fun not to follow doc's advice to rest? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that i still do what i want, no in that i suffer after that.
Don't know why i just typed this whole wall of text. I guess i just don't feel like hiding it anymore. Up to you how you want to take it. See yah.
Been in a horrible mood lately. Been wanting to do crazy things. Just try not to ask me too much stuff, i don't want to end up shouting or screaming at somebody...
I'm currently trying to recuperate my body in time for dance sessions. Was under doc orders to rest for the next 2 weeks, but still feel the urge to just go out and run. But i know my body probably cannot take the stress at the moment so kind of stuck doing other non physical stuff...
Maybe it's because of the haze, or some other reason, that chest pains became a more regular thing. Been happening for about 2-3 weeks. Imagine having 3 different types given to you cause the doctor couldn't find what's causing the pain. I'm still amazed that the doc actually gave 3 different types last week when it got quite bad. 1st type: a lotion. 2nd: Pill that are kind of like panadol. 3rd: another pill that has to be taken with another pill to help with some stomach acid thing.
I try not to take any painkillers at home, since i should be fine anyway. Only when it gets tough to endure do i take one. Have yet to try all 3 in a go. Usually either use the lotion or take the panadol like one. Wonder if it will reach the stage where i have to use all 3...
Man... My nose is too sensitive... Can smell the smoke in the air...
I tend to notice the pain when i'm not doing anything that requires much concentration. What's kind of worrying for me is that it's kind of always there, and there seems to be no explaination for it so far... So am i in pain? Yes, just that some times its quite slight, and i tend to ignore the pain as showing it doesn't help much anyway. Kind of getting used to it. Only when it gets worst do i try to find somewhere else to rest.
Let's see... No sports, no extreme things for a while... At least it coincides with this exam period... Am able to study without being distracted by the want to go out, cause i just don't feel like going out with this kind of condition...
So... Is it fun to go to the hospital? No. Is it fun not to follow doc's advice to rest? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that i still do what i want, no in that i suffer after that.
Don't know why i just typed this whole wall of text. I guess i just don't feel like hiding it anymore. Up to you how you want to take it. See yah.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Seeing Stars... *_*
I think i just invented a emoticon... Let me google to check... Ok, looks like wikipedia uses it as an example of what an emoticon is like... Oh well...
Have been studying the whole day, probably till i'm crazy already. Or maybe i was already crazy to begin with... Or maybe i've lost it for some time already... Or whatever it is...
I wonder if one more person going down to donate blood could have helped him. Condolences to all who knew him.
Kind of hard to study when there are renovations going on outside the house... And i had to be home because they were replacing the electric meters... Wondered how i managed to study with all the noise pollution...
Life is fragile. One minute we could here, the next minute gone. We don't know when we will get the call to return up. They say live each day to the fullest, appreciate those around you, cause they may not be there tomorrow.
I wonder how many people i known have passed on... Last one that impacted me qutie a bit was when this guy i knew died from falling from a height. Never knew what happened. Was shocked at his passing, always expected him to proceed quite far in life, never thought of him as the kind of gave up easily.
Another one that comes to mind was the librarian from my secondary school. Was going to start working with him on IT stuff, then suddenly got the news that he passed on. Always knew him as a fierce but nice person.
The lost of someone is never a happy thing. We may miss them, but as long as we keep them in our hearts, they will always be with us. Thank you for making the difference, be it big or small, in my life. It's those differences that made me who i am today, and i'm grateful for that.
Too much lost already, but why am i still giving away part of me?
And what's the cost of trying to surpass limits?
Too bad for me i've lost so much but still am giving, yet people who still have choose not to give in fear of losing.
When we look back and reflect, do we see what we have done and try to do something about it? Or do we choose not to care about it, since it doesn't concern us, even though you have the power to change it? One thing i've learned today: I could have gotten out of the lift and gave way to a senior citizen to bring his bike down. No harm done otherwise, but just felt giving way would have been a better choice.
When we look back a year before, have we changed? And if we changed, is it for the better for for the worst? A year back, you were the most caring person i knew. Now, you have became someone who doesn't care much anymore. Sure you may care about some stuff, but there are stuff that are important too. Stuff that if not settled, may result in emotional distress, or depression. I've been there before, not a nice place to be.
Quoting from someone "It's impossible to find someone who will never hurt you, so go for the one who makes all the pain worth it".
Another quote: "Logic may take you from point A to B, but imagination can take you anywhere."
Sometimes i just want to run and hide. Go somewhere no one can find me, where no one knows me. Sometimes. But something just holds me back. Something. Keeps showing me that no matter how far i run, the problem will still be there. No matter how fast i run, it will catch up. No matter where i hide, i'll still be found. So why waste the effort to run and hide when i can just face it now? Fear? Overcome it. Embarressment? Won't last. Pride? Swallow it. Face it. Face it like the responsible person you are.
Man... I've no idea what i'm actually typing at the moment... Just letting stuff out, even though i still control from letting everything out. There are some stuff i'm not going to talk about here. Not that it's more personal, just want ot keep it contained for the time being.
Introspection. Self reflection. See yah.
I wonder if i could have given up my life for him. He could have probably used it better then me. There are some parts in my life where i feel i not needed or wanted. Would probably be put to better use in his hands. It could probably end all the suffering too.
Have been studying the whole day, probably till i'm crazy already. Or maybe i was already crazy to begin with... Or maybe i've lost it for some time already... Or whatever it is...
I wonder if one more person going down to donate blood could have helped him. Condolences to all who knew him.
Kind of hard to study when there are renovations going on outside the house... And i had to be home because they were replacing the electric meters... Wondered how i managed to study with all the noise pollution...
Life is fragile. One minute we could here, the next minute gone. We don't know when we will get the call to return up. They say live each day to the fullest, appreciate those around you, cause they may not be there tomorrow.
I wonder how many people i known have passed on... Last one that impacted me qutie a bit was when this guy i knew died from falling from a height. Never knew what happened. Was shocked at his passing, always expected him to proceed quite far in life, never thought of him as the kind of gave up easily.
Another one that comes to mind was the librarian from my secondary school. Was going to start working with him on IT stuff, then suddenly got the news that he passed on. Always knew him as a fierce but nice person.
The lost of someone is never a happy thing. We may miss them, but as long as we keep them in our hearts, they will always be with us. Thank you for making the difference, be it big or small, in my life. It's those differences that made me who i am today, and i'm grateful for that.
Too much lost already, but why am i still giving away part of me?
And what's the cost of trying to surpass limits?
Too bad for me i've lost so much but still am giving, yet people who still have choose not to give in fear of losing.
When we look back and reflect, do we see what we have done and try to do something about it? Or do we choose not to care about it, since it doesn't concern us, even though you have the power to change it? One thing i've learned today: I could have gotten out of the lift and gave way to a senior citizen to bring his bike down. No harm done otherwise, but just felt giving way would have been a better choice.
When we look back a year before, have we changed? And if we changed, is it for the better for for the worst? A year back, you were the most caring person i knew. Now, you have became someone who doesn't care much anymore. Sure you may care about some stuff, but there are stuff that are important too. Stuff that if not settled, may result in emotional distress, or depression. I've been there before, not a nice place to be.
Quoting from someone "It's impossible to find someone who will never hurt you, so go for the one who makes all the pain worth it".
Another quote: "Logic may take you from point A to B, but imagination can take you anywhere."
Sometimes i just want to run and hide. Go somewhere no one can find me, where no one knows me. Sometimes. But something just holds me back. Something. Keeps showing me that no matter how far i run, the problem will still be there. No matter how fast i run, it will catch up. No matter where i hide, i'll still be found. So why waste the effort to run and hide when i can just face it now? Fear? Overcome it. Embarressment? Won't last. Pride? Swallow it. Face it. Face it like the responsible person you are.
Man... I've no idea what i'm actually typing at the moment... Just letting stuff out, even though i still control from letting everything out. There are some stuff i'm not going to talk about here. Not that it's more personal, just want ot keep it contained for the time being.
Introspection. Self reflection. See yah.
I wonder if i could have given up my life for him. He could have probably used it better then me. There are some parts in my life where i feel i not needed or wanted. Would probably be put to better use in his hands. It could probably end all the suffering too.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Reflections of the moment
The moment we stop caring about others or how others feel, is the moment we stop being human.
I already have too many regrets in the past, i don't want to live with anymore regrets besides those i can't control.
Too many thing's i've taken for granted. Now may i learn to treasure them.
I'll be there for you, if you allow me to.
Too many couples i see, making me feel dizzy...
I don't know if she's the one, but it would help a lot if God would just show me...
There are some pretty amazing examples of couples out there, now to see what can be learned from them...
I choose not to let people know what i'm going through so that at least i still get treated normally. If they knew, i won't.
I won't force anything, cause i know nothing good will come out of it if it is forced.
I wonder if i'm overworking myself just for the heck of it...
Man... looks like have to increase guitar practicing frequency after learning the songs...
Before hip hop dance, get leg back in shape...
Have i ever looked beyond what i could see?
Why do i sometimes keep doing something even though it's not appreciated?
Maybe i'm never really meant to work out there in front of everyone. Maybe i'm more of the behind the scenes person.
I'm not supposed to do this and that, yet i'm still doing this and that...
I'm not sure what i want from school anymore.
An uncle of mine once said that we should hit ourselves of we didn't learn anything that day. Not meant to be taken literally.
And every night i sit alone, thinking if i could have done anything better that day. Did i live it to the fullest? Was there anything i did that could have been done better? Did i do anything that had a horrible result? Did i make a difference in someone's life?
I expect my results this semester to be horrible relative to my previous semesters. Honestly, i don't expect everyone do as well as they did before. Or even if the results are still okay, i don't think it will be as satisfying as it was.
To me, there is so much more to life then studies. Studies may be one of the priorities now, but it isn't everything in my life.
I want to do something bigger, something unexpected, something crazy, something so off the scale that no one ever will think i could do such a thing. I wonder if i should consider adding in sugar too...
I thought of doing something last Friday in school, but didn't really had the guts to do it.
What frightens me is that someone called me a romantic person recently...
I feel like a fool sometimes... Wonder sometimes what i'm doing some stuffs for...
Finally the wind coming in... And the night is cool again... Ok... Maybe not...
God, help me not do anything stupid... Open ways for me if i'm meant to go that way, shut ways that i'm not meant to go.
Talk about reflecting for over an hour... @.@
I already have too many regrets in the past, i don't want to live with anymore regrets besides those i can't control.
Too many thing's i've taken for granted. Now may i learn to treasure them.
I'll be there for you, if you allow me to.
Too many couples i see, making me feel dizzy...
I don't know if she's the one, but it would help a lot if God would just show me...
There are some pretty amazing examples of couples out there, now to see what can be learned from them...
I choose not to let people know what i'm going through so that at least i still get treated normally. If they knew, i won't.
I won't force anything, cause i know nothing good will come out of it if it is forced.
I wonder if i'm overworking myself just for the heck of it...
Man... looks like have to increase guitar practicing frequency after learning the songs...
Before hip hop dance, get leg back in shape...
Have i ever looked beyond what i could see?
Why do i sometimes keep doing something even though it's not appreciated?
Maybe i'm never really meant to work out there in front of everyone. Maybe i'm more of the behind the scenes person.
I'm not supposed to do this and that, yet i'm still doing this and that...
I'm not sure what i want from school anymore.
An uncle of mine once said that we should hit ourselves of we didn't learn anything that day. Not meant to be taken literally.
And every night i sit alone, thinking if i could have done anything better that day. Did i live it to the fullest? Was there anything i did that could have been done better? Did i do anything that had a horrible result? Did i make a difference in someone's life?
I expect my results this semester to be horrible relative to my previous semesters. Honestly, i don't expect everyone do as well as they did before. Or even if the results are still okay, i don't think it will be as satisfying as it was.
To me, there is so much more to life then studies. Studies may be one of the priorities now, but it isn't everything in my life.
I want to do something bigger, something unexpected, something crazy, something so off the scale that no one ever will think i could do such a thing. I wonder if i should consider adding in sugar too...
I thought of doing something last Friday in school, but didn't really had the guts to do it.
What frightens me is that someone called me a romantic person recently...
I feel like a fool sometimes... Wonder sometimes what i'm doing some stuffs for...
Finally the wind coming in... And the night is cool again... Ok... Maybe not...
God, help me not do anything stupid... Open ways for me if i'm meant to go that way, shut ways that i'm not meant to go.
Talk about reflecting for over an hour... @.@
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Words for a Day like this
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
- Damien Rice - Cannonball
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
- Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
- Boys Like Girls - Thunder
When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why...
- Jason Mraz - The Remedy
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
- Gareth Gates - Too Serious Too Soon
I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
- Secondhand Serenade - Your Call
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I can't fake it.
And I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do
- Marco Hernandez - The Way I Do
When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot
- Ryan Cabera - Photo
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
- James Blunt - You're Beautiful
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
- Jesse Mccartney - Just So You Know
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
- Ronan Keating - If Tomorrow Never Comes
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
- Jonas Brothers - When You Look Me In The Eyes
Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I
Collide
- Howie Day - Collide
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
- Elliot Yamin - Wait For You
Baby it's you
When I look up in the sky I see you
Then I turn and close my eyes
It's you
When I'm sitting all alone in my room
Everything reminds me of you
- Ryan Cabera - It's You
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
- Damien Rice - Cannonball
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
- Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
- Boys Like Girls - Thunder
When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why...
- Jason Mraz - The Remedy
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
- Gareth Gates - Too Serious Too Soon
I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
- Secondhand Serenade - Your Call
Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I can't fake it.
And I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do
- Marco Hernandez - The Way I Do
When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot
- Ryan Cabera - Photo
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
- James Blunt - You're Beautiful
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
- Jesse Mccartney - Just So You Know
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
- Ronan Keating - If Tomorrow Never Comes
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
- Jonas Brothers - When You Look Me In The Eyes
Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I
Collide
- Howie Day - Collide
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
- Elliot Yamin - Wait For You
Baby it's you
When I look up in the sky I see you
Then I turn and close my eyes
It's you
When I'm sitting all alone in my room
Everything reminds me of you
- Ryan Cabera - It's You
Friday, February 13, 2009
Lonely Valentine
Lonely in that it would probably be the one where i feel the most alone emotionally. Probably from having loved and lost.
1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Just something to pass Valentine's Day with. Quoted one of the most used bible verses by anybody. People splash it in weddings, gifts and other stuffs. Once thought i knew what love was, but never really did. It's a very confusing thing. Can't really define it, then how can we be sure we are feeling it? It's an amazing feeling, better still if reciprocated. Looks like the search for the meaning of love is going to take some time.
Looked back to my blog entries a year ago... Wondered what happened since then. It was so fun then, when i could still play around with someone... I only i had a time machine of some sort to change things for the better... Just taking a step at a time now, with guidance from God.
I wonder, when we look back to the past year or semester, have we changed? When you reflect back, do you think if you did anything in a way that just didn't feel right and could be done i na better way? Did you do anything that you regret? Did you learn anything from it? Have you become a better person? I know i was a horrible person the first half of this semester. Before that i started taking things for granted, but felt myself becoming a better person with the help of someone. The first half of this semester was a horrible person probably because i lost something dear to me. Took a while to recover. Still recovering.
So let's see... What are my plans for tomorrow... Afternoon head to Uncle WeeLiang's house for CG... Then back home again... Hopefully my body will be able to last tomorrow... Had 2 days MC to rest at home but decided to go to school since it's the last 2 days anyway. Somehow managed to pull myself through... Maybe i'm over working my body after all...
That's all for today folks. See yah.
1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Just something to pass Valentine's Day with. Quoted one of the most used bible verses by anybody. People splash it in weddings, gifts and other stuffs. Once thought i knew what love was, but never really did. It's a very confusing thing. Can't really define it, then how can we be sure we are feeling it? It's an amazing feeling, better still if reciprocated. Looks like the search for the meaning of love is going to take some time.
Looked back to my blog entries a year ago... Wondered what happened since then. It was so fun then, when i could still play around with someone... I only i had a time machine of some sort to change things for the better... Just taking a step at a time now, with guidance from God.
I wonder, when we look back to the past year or semester, have we changed? When you reflect back, do you think if you did anything in a way that just didn't feel right and could be done i na better way? Did you do anything that you regret? Did you learn anything from it? Have you become a better person? I know i was a horrible person the first half of this semester. Before that i started taking things for granted, but felt myself becoming a better person with the help of someone. The first half of this semester was a horrible person probably because i lost something dear to me. Took a while to recover. Still recovering.
So let's see... What are my plans for tomorrow... Afternoon head to Uncle WeeLiang's house for CG... Then back home again... Hopefully my body will be able to last tomorrow... Had 2 days MC to rest at home but decided to go to school since it's the last 2 days anyway. Somehow managed to pull myself through... Maybe i'm over working my body after all...
That's all for today folks. See yah.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Hospitals are boring places to pass time
There was this guy in the hospital that was demanding to be released cause he waited for about 8 hours. When the docs told him he should probably come back for check ups, he gave them the pissed look, saying that if have to wait for another 8 hours again, he prefer not to come. Come on... the docs probably have been there longer then you. I pity that guy... Cannot stand queuing for Bak Kua during Chinese new year... Later he get pissed and walks away... Oh well, help shortens the queue anyway... =x
Why was i in the hospital? Hmm... Some stuff happened. Am i fine? Not very sure... Stupid needles that they poke into hands... Hurts alot...
Better get some rest for school tomorrow... Dont think i'll be using that MC. Last 2 days of school anyway... And tomorrow is thanksgiving again for Campus Crusade... And Dillion called me to give thanks for something... So it ends up with me again like last 2 semesters ago... T.T
Hmm... My strumming needs abit mreo work... Tried Secondhand Serenade's Fall for You. I'm able to play the chords, but strumming pattern is weird... Need more refining i guess... XD
Ok... Fatigue taking over already... Packing laptop for tomorrow's class... See yah!
Why was i in the hospital? Hmm... Some stuff happened. Am i fine? Not very sure... Stupid needles that they poke into hands... Hurts alot...
Better get some rest for school tomorrow... Dont think i'll be using that MC. Last 2 days of school anyway... And tomorrow is thanksgiving again for Campus Crusade... And Dillion called me to give thanks for something... So it ends up with me again like last 2 semesters ago... T.T
Hmm... My strumming needs abit mreo work... Tried Secondhand Serenade's Fall for You. I'm able to play the chords, but strumming pattern is weird... Need more refining i guess... XD
Ok... Fatigue taking over already... Packing laptop for tomorrow's class... See yah!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Who knew strings could cause so much pain?
ARGH... Finger tips hurting from just playing the guitar... Learning not to type with the tip, but kind of slowing down the typing process... Tend to hit too many buttons at the same time... Fingers too big... =x
Okay... typing with the sides of my fingers ain't so bad after all... I keep telling myself to let go, but for some reason i can't seem to fully let go... Don't know why... Nothing just feels that safe anymore. Some people around just have that eye of intent, intention of what i'm not sure... Just feel like they got the intention to do something and just pretend that they don't know what's happening... Maybe i read too much into people's behaviour... But that's just me, trying to read people's intention by the way they behave. I usually feel safest around those that say what they think, cause at least i know what they are thinking. Just more straight forward i guess.
Guitar progress seems ok, trying to pick up another song while tryigng to tie up the loose ends of Collide. Just tried playing along to the song, not a very good attempt... Oh well, more work to go... And more finger tip hardening too...
Man... All anyone ot make me scream in agony now is just find a way to hit my finger tips... Tried it myself and it hurts alot... As in MAJOR alot, not minor alot... T.T
Today kind of off form for programming class, probably due to some reason i don't feel liek mentioning. It's nothing to do with emotional stuff thought, just some other stuff that kept me from concentrating on my work... Ah...
Oh well, that's enough for today, better give my fingers soem rest before they rebel on me tomorrow or something... See yah!
Okay... typing with the sides of my fingers ain't so bad after all... I keep telling myself to let go, but for some reason i can't seem to fully let go... Don't know why... Nothing just feels that safe anymore. Some people around just have that eye of intent, intention of what i'm not sure... Just feel like they got the intention to do something and just pretend that they don't know what's happening... Maybe i read too much into people's behaviour... But that's just me, trying to read people's intention by the way they behave. I usually feel safest around those that say what they think, cause at least i know what they are thinking. Just more straight forward i guess.
Guitar progress seems ok, trying to pick up another song while tryigng to tie up the loose ends of Collide. Just tried playing along to the song, not a very good attempt... Oh well, more work to go... And more finger tip hardening too...
Man... All anyone ot make me scream in agony now is just find a way to hit my finger tips... Tried it myself and it hurts alot... As in MAJOR alot, not minor alot... T.T
Today kind of off form for programming class, probably due to some reason i don't feel liek mentioning. It's nothing to do with emotional stuff thought, just some other stuff that kept me from concentrating on my work... Ah...
Oh well, that's enough for today, better give my fingers soem rest before they rebel on me tomorrow or something... See yah!
Friday, February 06, 2009
David Archuleta - A Little Too Not Over You
It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else
It is for the best
I know it is
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside
And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out
Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
Memories suppose to fade
What's wrong with my heart
Shake it off let it go
Didn't think it would be this hard
Should be strong, moving on
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside
And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out
Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back
Yeah
Now I'm on my own
How I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand
Yeah, ohhh.
Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do
I'm just a little too not over you
Not over you, ooh.
When i'm too tired to think or do anything, i just let songs do the talking for me.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
I rant too much. I still feel like ranting, but it just doesn't seem to do anything at all. So i'l stop ranting for a while and see what happens.
Was thinking about talking a walk along East Coast this coming Saturday. Changed my mind, parents still seems desperate for help at home with housework. Maybe next Saturday. Anyone want to come along? Just a walk mainly to relax. I probably won't talk much, doing some personal reflection mainly.
I wondering if i'll collapse after the paper tomorrow. Been pushing myself quite hard lately. Why after the paper? Cause i won't allow myself to collapse or something until i'm done with what has to be done.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
-Coldplay - Fix You
I'm finally able to play a little of Collide by Howie Day. Have yet to try the bridge part. When i'm more confident of playing it and when my voice gets better then will i attempt singing along. I wonder if i learned it to play for someone... Or just happens i find it easier to play out of all those i tried... Hmm...
Man... I need to find time off to visit the post office next week for something... School always ends too late... And have to find time to go down to inquire too...
Just read my friend's blog. Her husband being lazy at the moment. Kind of reminds me of something... Guy tends to be take things for granted more often the ladies. Wonder why... Maybe we are too task orientated, anything extra usually don't want to do. But it's hard to messy when you haev been drilled your whole life to be neat... I wonder why i like neatness but ain't very neat with my work...
Man... Brain shutting down all of a sudden again... Experienced it yesterday before FCAL test, couldn't concentrate on studying and teaching all of a sudden. Hopefully it doesn't happen in the middle of a paper or i'm gone...
Signing off here then, don't want to over exhaust what that is already exhausted. Maybe i do want to, but now is just not a good time to do so... Anyway, see yah next time.
What if i told you i originally wanted to play that song for you?
Was thinking about talking a walk along East Coast this coming Saturday. Changed my mind, parents still seems desperate for help at home with housework. Maybe next Saturday. Anyone want to come along? Just a walk mainly to relax. I probably won't talk much, doing some personal reflection mainly.
I wondering if i'll collapse after the paper tomorrow. Been pushing myself quite hard lately. Why after the paper? Cause i won't allow myself to collapse or something until i'm done with what has to be done.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
-Coldplay - Fix You
I'm finally able to play a little of Collide by Howie Day. Have yet to try the bridge part. When i'm more confident of playing it and when my voice gets better then will i attempt singing along. I wonder if i learned it to play for someone... Or just happens i find it easier to play out of all those i tried... Hmm...
Man... I need to find time off to visit the post office next week for something... School always ends too late... And have to find time to go down to inquire too...
Just read my friend's blog. Her husband being lazy at the moment. Kind of reminds me of something... Guy tends to be take things for granted more often the ladies. Wonder why... Maybe we are too task orientated, anything extra usually don't want to do. But it's hard to messy when you haev been drilled your whole life to be neat... I wonder why i like neatness but ain't very neat with my work...
Man... Brain shutting down all of a sudden again... Experienced it yesterday before FCAL test, couldn't concentrate on studying and teaching all of a sudden. Hopefully it doesn't happen in the middle of a paper or i'm gone...
Signing off here then, don't want to over exhaust what that is already exhausted. Maybe i do want to, but now is just not a good time to do so... Anyway, see yah next time.
What if i told you i originally wanted to play that song for you?
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Here i go wondering again
And i'm wondering if if i'm in the wrong, or did i do anything wrong, to have some things end up the way they are. I wonder if what i intending to do with adverse effect to my body is the right thing to do, just to prove a point. I wonder if i can cramp anymore of these stuff i'm studying into my mind in such a short time.
Looks like i fall under the catergory of people that get pissed off very easily, but will let it go if people just tell me why they are doing what they are doing. Anger comes along with the pissed feelings... Looks like i need to learn more about anger management.
Listening to Secondhand Serenade again. Why? Because my imeem accoutn was invited to be a friend of Secondhand Serenade. Kind of weird... Probably just adding all people who listen to him. Self publicity i guess. Remembered the first song that i listened that came from him was "Your Call". Heard it on a friend's blog then. Was moved by the lyrics then. Still am now, maybe not as moved as i was then, but still moved anyway. Another good song from them is the more well known "Fall for you". Take a listen if you can.
So far no one else but me knows what i thinking of doing. Wonder if i should just tell someone in case something happens. Just another wondering point.
Finally my pay is coming within 2 weeks. After about 4 months, it's finally coming. Yeah... First things first... Pay mom back for my phone bills... Next probably to either treat people or myself to something... Hmm... Not much anyway, better spend wisely...
Oh well, i'll be rounding of this session with some lyrics for a change. Presenting "Fall for You" by Secondhand Serenade:
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start
Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
Looks like i fall under the catergory of people that get pissed off very easily, but will let it go if people just tell me why they are doing what they are doing. Anger comes along with the pissed feelings... Looks like i need to learn more about anger management.
Listening to Secondhand Serenade again. Why? Because my imeem accoutn was invited to be a friend of Secondhand Serenade. Kind of weird... Probably just adding all people who listen to him. Self publicity i guess. Remembered the first song that i listened that came from him was "Your Call". Heard it on a friend's blog then. Was moved by the lyrics then. Still am now, maybe not as moved as i was then, but still moved anyway. Another good song from them is the more well known "Fall for you". Take a listen if you can.
So far no one else but me knows what i thinking of doing. Wonder if i should just tell someone in case something happens. Just another wondering point.
Finally my pay is coming within 2 weeks. After about 4 months, it's finally coming. Yeah... First things first... Pay mom back for my phone bills... Next probably to either treat people or myself to something... Hmm... Not much anyway, better spend wisely...
Oh well, i'll be rounding of this session with some lyrics for a change. Presenting "Fall for You" by Secondhand Serenade:
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start
Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
Secondhand Serenade - Your Call
Just saw this music video. Kind of feel like John Vesely (the guy in the video) now. What can i do anyway?
Waiting for your,
Call I'm sick,
Call I'm angry,
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)
I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
And I'm tired of being all alone,
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
And I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
HelloGoodBye
I shall not blog too much today, quite late already and i should probably get some rest before my body gives way.
Man... Part of my laptop broke off... My program is giving me problem and thus preventing me from completing my AOOP exercise... I feel myself suppressing a fever just so i can continue doing work... My eyelids feels like they weight a ton, like wanton (1 ton) mee...
But anyway, the weekend was fine. Saturday was boring cause didn't went out... Sunday was just another Sunday with the usual stuff. Realised that i finish about 10 pieces of strepsils in a day. Looks like i have to restock tomorrow... Stupid school that doesn't sell honey and lemon flavour...
Going to start an experiment soon. Maybe already started. Wonder where i get all these ideas for these experiments? Must be the social psychology classes i have been attending... Ah... Want to know what's more scary then you doing an experiment? When you are experiment too. I wodner if i will be able to carry it out to the end to prove a point...
I asked a question to someone today. You said it doesn't concern me. But i'm wondering why did you tell me that on that day itself? I'm sorry for all i've done, but i need to know the truth. I need to know. It's very difficult to forgive without knowing what is it i'm forgiveing you for. I don't even know what happened then. I feel stupid, jsut because things were happening and i didn't know anything. I want to know, but no one told me anything.
I don't want sleepless nights, but sometimes those thoughts just come back to haunt me. And i always wonder why does it still haunt me. I wonder about what went wrong. I wonder if i could have done anything to save it. I wonder about the people around. I wonder about what you said. I wonder when you said that you did wrong, what could it be? Something so bad that you threw everything we had away, or is it just some small matter that just isn't nice to be said?
I wonder alot. These strands of white hair are just the consequences of wondering. I just need to know the truth. Only then can i stop wondering. I don't want to care about it, but i can't help it sometimes. I don't want to doubt you or the people around you, but i can't trust you with anything more then what you see now because i don't know the anything, be it that happened or is happening. Is it easy for me to doubt? No. I bash myself over negative emotions. I want to fully let go of the bitterness, but it's too difficult without knowing the truth of the matter.
I don't believe that not caring is a solution. If we choose not to care, then what are we? Emotionless robots? Don't care about everything while studies comes first? Sorry, but i can't do that. Studies will never end. Learning is a way of life. And why do you not care? Are you running away for it? What are you afraid of? I know what the "don't care" attitude causes to people's life. Wasn't mine an example last term? Anger, depression, bitterness, hate all in one package.
I should just go all out and show what that attitude does to things for people. Will i suffer? Yes. But hopefully people will see that it's just not the way to treat things. After last term, i don't think there are any other emotional pains i can't face.
And maybe one should also look at what that kind of attitude does to the people around them. I don't see them happy though.
Sorry if this post offends anyone, just putting out my thoughts. Kind of frustrating when i try to move on, but keep getting held back by something. Let go? Tried, but can't let go fully without knowing why this thing happened. Just seems like i'm the stupid one who doesn't even know why, how or what happened. Yup, i'm the stupid one at the moment. Nice Revelation isn't it? That i'm stupid. Or maybe dumb. Or just blind. Pick one of your liking.
And so here-i-m, ranting away again. See yah the next time i rant.
Man... Part of my laptop broke off... My program is giving me problem and thus preventing me from completing my AOOP exercise... I feel myself suppressing a fever just so i can continue doing work... My eyelids feels like they weight a ton, like wanton (1 ton) mee...
But anyway, the weekend was fine. Saturday was boring cause didn't went out... Sunday was just another Sunday with the usual stuff. Realised that i finish about 10 pieces of strepsils in a day. Looks like i have to restock tomorrow... Stupid school that doesn't sell honey and lemon flavour...
Going to start an experiment soon. Maybe already started. Wonder where i get all these ideas for these experiments? Must be the social psychology classes i have been attending... Ah... Want to know what's more scary then you doing an experiment? When you are experiment too. I wodner if i will be able to carry it out to the end to prove a point...
I asked a question to someone today. You said it doesn't concern me. But i'm wondering why did you tell me that on that day itself? I'm sorry for all i've done, but i need to know the truth. I need to know. It's very difficult to forgive without knowing what is it i'm forgiveing you for. I don't even know what happened then. I feel stupid, jsut because things were happening and i didn't know anything. I want to know, but no one told me anything.
I don't want sleepless nights, but sometimes those thoughts just come back to haunt me. And i always wonder why does it still haunt me. I wonder about what went wrong. I wonder if i could have done anything to save it. I wonder about the people around. I wonder about what you said. I wonder when you said that you did wrong, what could it be? Something so bad that you threw everything we had away, or is it just some small matter that just isn't nice to be said?
I wonder alot. These strands of white hair are just the consequences of wondering. I just need to know the truth. Only then can i stop wondering. I don't want to care about it, but i can't help it sometimes. I don't want to doubt you or the people around you, but i can't trust you with anything more then what you see now because i don't know the anything, be it that happened or is happening. Is it easy for me to doubt? No. I bash myself over negative emotions. I want to fully let go of the bitterness, but it's too difficult without knowing the truth of the matter.
I don't believe that not caring is a solution. If we choose not to care, then what are we? Emotionless robots? Don't care about everything while studies comes first? Sorry, but i can't do that. Studies will never end. Learning is a way of life. And why do you not care? Are you running away for it? What are you afraid of? I know what the "don't care" attitude causes to people's life. Wasn't mine an example last term? Anger, depression, bitterness, hate all in one package.
I should just go all out and show what that attitude does to things for people. Will i suffer? Yes. But hopefully people will see that it's just not the way to treat things. After last term, i don't think there are any other emotional pains i can't face.
And maybe one should also look at what that kind of attitude does to the people around them. I don't see them happy though.
Sorry if this post offends anyone, just putting out my thoughts. Kind of frustrating when i try to move on, but keep getting held back by something. Let go? Tried, but can't let go fully without knowing why this thing happened. Just seems like i'm the stupid one who doesn't even know why, how or what happened. Yup, i'm the stupid one at the moment. Nice Revelation isn't it? That i'm stupid. Or maybe dumb. Or just blind. Pick one of your liking.
And so here-i-m, ranting away again. See yah the next time i rant.
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