Hmm... Dad checked himself into the hospital to make sure nothing is wrong with his heart cause he have been not feeling the past few days. Maybe i should try it too, but after i finish my homework and housework, cause i'm very sure my bro will probably complain about doing so much stuff...
I guess my feelings are more under control the past few days. Things actually felt better today. Hopefully things will improve. Going to focus on God for the time being. Once in a while i may behave weird i guess, but things should be fine with a little music and prayer. (:
Looks like with Dad away, i have to be the man of the household for a while. Hopes there is nothing wrong with him. After he comes back maybe i should try checking in too, jsut to make sure everything is fine with me =x
Ah.... To live life with no regrets. Not the easiest thing to do. To live each day to the fullest. Another challenging thing.
Just had pizza for dinner. No one at home knows i had a coughing fit in school. Too much phlegm build up in the throat. Was choking on it before lunch. If they knew i never could have touched the pizza. =x
Tomorrow the first time youth seesion will be on a Saturday. Playing ultimate frisbee tomorrow. Wondering if my body can take the stress of playing a sport. Hopefully the last few weeks of running helped build some stamina at least.
Today during my quiet time i read something which struck me. John 11:35, "Jesus wept." Click here for the whole context. All it took was 2 words to bring out such emotion. Wept didn't just meant shedding tears, but it means expressing grief or sorrow. I guess sometimes that is what i feel like doing. To jsut sit down and just cry. About anything. About everything. About nothing at all.
We can't change the past. We live in the present and for the future. And the only thing we cna change now is what we are doing now. It will affect our future. But it shows that we can make a difference now. And it up to us. I trust God to use me to the fullest each day. May my feelings not get the best of me.
That's all for the moment people. See yah around.
To leave it all to you, to place all my burdens in your hands. God, help me believe.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saw This On A Blog of a Friend
-Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
-I do it because i can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
-When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place
-Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.
-You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
-What you are is God's gift to you, what you make of yourself is your gift to God.
-If you don't make mistakes, you aren't really trying.
-The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-You have to have a darkness...for the dawn to come.
-The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do
-"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Believe you can and you're half way there.
-Take risks: If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
-It is not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it is refusing to fail.
-Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.
Lessons in Life
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's okay to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's okay to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
-I do it because i can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
-When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place
-Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.
-You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
-What you are is God's gift to you, what you make of yourself is your gift to God.
-If you don't make mistakes, you aren't really trying.
-The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-You have to have a darkness...for the dawn to come.
-The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do
-"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Believe you can and you're half way there.
-Take risks: If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
-It is not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it is refusing to fail.
-Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.
Lessons in Life
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's okay to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's okay to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Story Telling Session
I just thought of a story:
There was once this couple. They decided to go hiking together. After hiking for some time, a mountain stood in their way. What should they do? They had a 2 choices, give up or scale the mountain together.
The road won't be a easy road, they thought. Full of bumps and ditches. They set up camp at the base of the mountain to think if the trip was worth it. While setting up camp, another couple was hiking pass. They found out it was the 2nd time this couple are scaling the mountain. They said the road was very rough, but the view at the peak was beautiful. To them, the mountain was just an obstacle to overcome.
They bid farewell as the 2nd couple continued on their way to scale the mountain.
What happened to the first couple? That is not for me to decide. I wish i could decide the outcome, but it isn't just my decision alone.
Oh God, why does it hurt so much inside?
There was once this couple. They decided to go hiking together. After hiking for some time, a mountain stood in their way. What should they do? They had a 2 choices, give up or scale the mountain together.
The road won't be a easy road, they thought. Full of bumps and ditches. They set up camp at the base of the mountain to think if the trip was worth it. While setting up camp, another couple was hiking pass. They found out it was the 2nd time this couple are scaling the mountain. They said the road was very rough, but the view at the peak was beautiful. To them, the mountain was just an obstacle to overcome.
They bid farewell as the 2nd couple continued on their way to scale the mountain.
What happened to the first couple? That is not for me to decide. I wish i could decide the outcome, but it isn't just my decision alone.
Oh God, why does it hurt so much inside?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Another Thing to Keep Me Going
Another thing to lift my spirit:
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/our-daily-bread/2008/10/26/devotion.aspx
Salvation is the miracle of a moment; growth is the labor of a lifetime.
Thanks God for the people around me. Thanks for helping me stay sane when everything seems insane. Thanks for reminding me that God is always in control, even when i'm not.
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/our-daily-bread/2008/10/26/devotion.aspx
Salvation is the miracle of a moment; growth is the labor of a lifetime.
Thanks God for the people around me. Thanks for helping me stay sane when everything seems insane. Thanks for reminding me that God is always in control, even when i'm not.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Encouragement of the Day
Hebrews 12:1-13
God Disciplines His Sons
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
God Disciplines His Sons
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Friday, October 24, 2008
So Near Yet So Far
In the past i wondered what it meant to be so close yet so far. People have told me, shared experiences with me, but i never really understood it. Until now that is. I still wonder how it came to this. Maybe cause i was too blind.
They say you never know what you have till its gone. Quite true i guess. It starts with that gapping hole in the heart. The empty feeling inside. If not careful, it can grow and consume us, until all thats left is just a emotional black hole, sucking life out of ourselves.
No one ever said waiting was so difficult. And the one part of waiting that adds to anxiety is that we won't know the result until the wait is over. Many wonder if the wait will be worth it. Will the results please them, or will it disappoint them? Me? Either way the results turn out, I think i will fine with it with time, but of course i want the better one, who wouldn't?
My mind needs a little fixing i guess, have a tendency to misinterpret actions. Looks like observation skills have been failing me. I need to discard my paranoid side... The one that keeps pulling me down.
I've wonder what it will be like if i broke down. Just break down and cry. Last time i remembered just breaking down was in primary 5 when i first actually meant what i said when i cursed someone. And it frightened me then, that i actually wanted someone to die for what he did to me. I was frightened of myself, of what i could have done. What happened after that? My mom settled it somehow for me. Details please approach me, it was quite personal experience for me.
Hmm... Heard of my theory on why i shouldn't have super powers? I'm too easily swayed by feelings, so will i end up a hero or villain? All it takes for anyone to become a villain is a twist in their life. Anyone can be a hero, and so likewise anyone can be a villain. And so that's why we don't have superheros on this Earth anyway, casue it probably will so so messy that none of us will be left standing.
Looks like i'm taking Weibin's advice to blog out what i feel. But looks like some stuff i can't really express at the moment or this place is just not suitable for. Just got to find other places i guess for those stuff.
I wish i could read minds at the moment. To know what people are thinking about. Probably its due to me paranoid. But sometimes i wish i knew what people were thinking of about, cause i want to know their thought process. To know how they thinking, what they are thinking so i could uderstand situations better. But it never is so easy i guess, all i can do is try to figure out somehow.
Am i seekign the wrong things? Should i be seeking for answers? Or should i be seeking something else? I seem to be ending up with more questions everytime i think. And suddenly God shows me, seek him first and everythign else will be given to me.
If last week was the worst week of my life, this week probably be he 2nd worst. At least its realtively better. When at the bottom, the bright side is that it can only be up after that, at least for a while before another fall will be from high enough to do major hurt.
Thanks ot all who have been supporting through this period, like Lucas, Wee leong and Weibin. Helped made the period abit easier. Especially Weibin who got a lashing from me for no reason other then that i was being too paranoid. =x
The tougher the challenge, the tougher the challenger. Hopefully i can make it through. At least i'm not alone. Thanks to those who have helped encouraged me and prayed for me, every little bit helps to lift my spirits up a little.
Press on, i tell myself. Press on towards the goal. Even if the result isn't what i wanted, i will still thank God for giving me this chance with you. (:
"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven." - Karen Sunde
"In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth." - Bill Wundram, Iowa Quad Cities Times
"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Elizabeth Browning
They say you never know what you have till its gone. Quite true i guess. It starts with that gapping hole in the heart. The empty feeling inside. If not careful, it can grow and consume us, until all thats left is just a emotional black hole, sucking life out of ourselves.
No one ever said waiting was so difficult. And the one part of waiting that adds to anxiety is that we won't know the result until the wait is over. Many wonder if the wait will be worth it. Will the results please them, or will it disappoint them? Me? Either way the results turn out, I think i will fine with it with time, but of course i want the better one, who wouldn't?
My mind needs a little fixing i guess, have a tendency to misinterpret actions. Looks like observation skills have been failing me. I need to discard my paranoid side... The one that keeps pulling me down.
I've wonder what it will be like if i broke down. Just break down and cry. Last time i remembered just breaking down was in primary 5 when i first actually meant what i said when i cursed someone. And it frightened me then, that i actually wanted someone to die for what he did to me. I was frightened of myself, of what i could have done. What happened after that? My mom settled it somehow for me. Details please approach me, it was quite personal experience for me.
Hmm... Heard of my theory on why i shouldn't have super powers? I'm too easily swayed by feelings, so will i end up a hero or villain? All it takes for anyone to become a villain is a twist in their life. Anyone can be a hero, and so likewise anyone can be a villain. And so that's why we don't have superheros on this Earth anyway, casue it probably will so so messy that none of us will be left standing.
Looks like i'm taking Weibin's advice to blog out what i feel. But looks like some stuff i can't really express at the moment or this place is just not suitable for. Just got to find other places i guess for those stuff.
I wish i could read minds at the moment. To know what people are thinking about. Probably its due to me paranoid. But sometimes i wish i knew what people were thinking of about, cause i want to know their thought process. To know how they thinking, what they are thinking so i could uderstand situations better. But it never is so easy i guess, all i can do is try to figure out somehow.
Am i seekign the wrong things? Should i be seeking for answers? Or should i be seeking something else? I seem to be ending up with more questions everytime i think. And suddenly God shows me, seek him first and everythign else will be given to me.
If last week was the worst week of my life, this week probably be he 2nd worst. At least its realtively better. When at the bottom, the bright side is that it can only be up after that, at least for a while before another fall will be from high enough to do major hurt.
Thanks ot all who have been supporting through this period, like Lucas, Wee leong and Weibin. Helped made the period abit easier. Especially Weibin who got a lashing from me for no reason other then that i was being too paranoid. =x
The tougher the challenge, the tougher the challenger. Hopefully i can make it through. At least i'm not alone. Thanks to those who have helped encouraged me and prayed for me, every little bit helps to lift my spirits up a little.
Press on, i tell myself. Press on towards the goal. Even if the result isn't what i wanted, i will still thank God for giving me this chance with you. (:
"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven." - Karen Sunde
"In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth." - Bill Wundram, Iowa Quad Cities Times
"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Elizabeth Browning
Thursday, October 23, 2008
And So The Fight To Maintain Control Continues...
Ah... I need to be able to control my feelings and not let them overtake me... Note to all who are around me, if you ever see me behaving weird, tell me that i there is nothing much i can do now but wait. And tell me that this situation will teach me patience and trust too. Encouragements are welcomed too. =x
Sorry to the people i have accidentally hurt in the past few days. No excuse for my weird behavior. I'm very sorry about it. Especially to those around me. If i ever become like this hurtful, drag me away or something. I probably need time to think about stuff. Sometimes i may need some time off so i would probably disappear for a while, but thats about all. I tend to think better after a shot of adrenaline so i tend to exercise when i need to think. =x
Hmm... I guess that there is still some more way to go. I wonder if i should countdown or should i just let the days sneak up on me. Nah... Just wait i guess, need the training in patience...
Today, i kept feeling a certain nudge from God. He asked me to be still and know him. Straight away the song lyrics "Be still and know you are God" came to mind. I kind of like put in into a corner of my mind, thinkign if i heard the song thsi coming Sunday, God is probably with me. What i forgot abotu was that i had Campus Crusade tonight. Then the song came up. I was caught off guard a little. Coincidence?
Looks like its only in times of distress do people turn to God. Looks like i'm one of those people. Natural respond? Searching for reasons why does it happen? Then suddenly i get the message from Him, saying to be still and know he is God. How am i to be still? When life is tossing me all over the place, how can i be still? Then i remembered a story of 2 painters. Both were asked ot paint what they thought peace was. The first one painted a seagull standing still on a rock in the middle of a calm sea. The other? Also painted a seagull standing still on a rock, but this time the sea was raging, waves were splashing everywhere, but still the seagull was at peace.
What did this mean to me? It shows that it is possible to be at peace even when everything around is in turmoil. True peace isn't affected by the surroundings. Look like i still have long way to go before achieving this kind of peace.
Hmm... Sometimes i wonder if there is anything wrong with guys being sensitive? Is it really that hard to find guys that actually bother about what has been said? Maybe i should learn to tune out stuff i don't want to hear, only hear the good stuff. Wait a minute... if i dont hear the bad stuff, how am i going to improve? Ok... So is it good to be sensitive? Or is it one of those stuff that "too much is bad, too little also bad" thing? And i wonder if anyone actually will answer me now.
Ah... Need to sleep already... Or will die tomorrow... or should i get a shot of caffine tomorrow morning ot wake up... Nevermind... wil jut go and sleep and hope that tomorrow will be better then today...
Sorry to the people i have accidentally hurt in the past few days. No excuse for my weird behavior. I'm very sorry about it. Especially to those around me. If i ever become like this hurtful, drag me away or something. I probably need time to think about stuff. Sometimes i may need some time off so i would probably disappear for a while, but thats about all. I tend to think better after a shot of adrenaline so i tend to exercise when i need to think. =x
Hmm... I guess that there is still some more way to go. I wonder if i should countdown or should i just let the days sneak up on me. Nah... Just wait i guess, need the training in patience...
Today, i kept feeling a certain nudge from God. He asked me to be still and know him. Straight away the song lyrics "Be still and know you are God" came to mind. I kind of like put in into a corner of my mind, thinkign if i heard the song thsi coming Sunday, God is probably with me. What i forgot abotu was that i had Campus Crusade tonight. Then the song came up. I was caught off guard a little. Coincidence?
Looks like its only in times of distress do people turn to God. Looks like i'm one of those people. Natural respond? Searching for reasons why does it happen? Then suddenly i get the message from Him, saying to be still and know he is God. How am i to be still? When life is tossing me all over the place, how can i be still? Then i remembered a story of 2 painters. Both were asked ot paint what they thought peace was. The first one painted a seagull standing still on a rock in the middle of a calm sea. The other? Also painted a seagull standing still on a rock, but this time the sea was raging, waves were splashing everywhere, but still the seagull was at peace.
What did this mean to me? It shows that it is possible to be at peace even when everything around is in turmoil. True peace isn't affected by the surroundings. Look like i still have long way to go before achieving this kind of peace.
Hmm... Sometimes i wonder if there is anything wrong with guys being sensitive? Is it really that hard to find guys that actually bother about what has been said? Maybe i should learn to tune out stuff i don't want to hear, only hear the good stuff. Wait a minute... if i dont hear the bad stuff, how am i going to improve? Ok... So is it good to be sensitive? Or is it one of those stuff that "too much is bad, too little also bad" thing? And i wonder if anyone actually will answer me now.
Ah... Need to sleep already... Or will die tomorrow... or should i get a shot of caffine tomorrow morning ot wake up... Nevermind... wil jut go and sleep and hope that tomorrow will be better then today...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Swinging Moods
Man, i think i have more mood swings then i've ever seen my mom had in a day. Started a bit pissed, then was relatively more happier. Then felt like crap, then after listening to Lucas, Wee Leong and Weibin and a run, felt alot better i guess. And that's just my mental state alone. Let's not go into the physical state. =x
Hopefully i can get past the next few weeks without much trouble. Breaking down seems inevitable sometimes, but somehow, manage to fidn soemthing to help me tide over for the moment. Tough days ahead i guess. God please help guard my heart. Sometimes the feeling just over takes, not much control over it. Can't help it but feel that way. If i had a choice i wouldn't want to, but keepign it inside will probably help me explode anyway...
Oh well, thats all folks, at least for today. See yah!
I guess that this is wat being powerless feels like. Nothing i can do but rely on God for everything now. Please grant me patience...
Hopefully i can get past the next few weeks without much trouble. Breaking down seems inevitable sometimes, but somehow, manage to fidn soemthing to help me tide over for the moment. Tough days ahead i guess. God please help guard my heart. Sometimes the feeling just over takes, not much control over it. Can't help it but feel that way. If i had a choice i wouldn't want to, but keepign it inside will probably help me explode anyway...
Oh well, thats all folks, at least for today. See yah!
I guess that this is wat being powerless feels like. Nothing i can do but rely on God for everything now. Please grant me patience...
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I Wonder if People know what is coming out of their Mouths
Day started off fine. I was feeling better then the pass few days. Had to rely on Christian music to keep me sane the pass few days. Had lunch with DG, learned abit more today.
And the last hour of lesson in the day, heard a remark that totally threw away my mood. Either it was purposely or accidental, but still hurting enough. I wondered what will happen if there was a guy crying in the bus. Guys cry? Why not? We are humans too and have the right to express ourselves, no matter how different it is.
But i didn't anyway, some how held it in until i got home. Thanks God for music, my current mood damper at the moment. Reached home, wanted to go for a run to de-stress, but it looked like it was going to rain heavily and thus didn't. Wondered around my house while doing housework and trying to not be so affected by what was said. Easier said the done. And i will be doing a project with the person who made the comment. Wonder if she knew what she said. Smashing hopes.
Was kind of depressed until earlier after chatting with Weibin for a while, found something in my drawer. A paper plate from teh recent CCC camp. Was meant for others to write encouragement for you. After reading through it, i felt better i guess. Or at least nto as depressed as before. I guess God is using this period to bring me back to him...
Ah... Stomach ache... Have i ate something wrong recently? Hmmm... Last week i guess stomach already felt wierd... Ah... Looks like gonna have to load up on my veggie and fruits...
Hmm... Just a random question, is it possible to stay good frens and be in a relationship? And is realtionship a further development of a friendship? Or are bothe very different? Answers are welcomed on the tagboard or my msn. My perspective may need a little changing...
That's probably all for now. Need to pack for tomorrow. See yah next time!
And the last hour of lesson in the day, heard a remark that totally threw away my mood. Either it was purposely or accidental, but still hurting enough. I wondered what will happen if there was a guy crying in the bus. Guys cry? Why not? We are humans too and have the right to express ourselves, no matter how different it is.
But i didn't anyway, some how held it in until i got home. Thanks God for music, my current mood damper at the moment. Reached home, wanted to go for a run to de-stress, but it looked like it was going to rain heavily and thus didn't. Wondered around my house while doing housework and trying to not be so affected by what was said. Easier said the done. And i will be doing a project with the person who made the comment. Wonder if she knew what she said. Smashing hopes.
Was kind of depressed until earlier after chatting with Weibin for a while, found something in my drawer. A paper plate from teh recent CCC camp. Was meant for others to write encouragement for you. After reading through it, i felt better i guess. Or at least nto as depressed as before. I guess God is using this period to bring me back to him...
Ah... Stomach ache... Have i ate something wrong recently? Hmmm... Last week i guess stomach already felt wierd... Ah... Looks like gonna have to load up on my veggie and fruits...
Hmm... Just a random question, is it possible to stay good frens and be in a relationship? And is realtionship a further development of a friendship? Or are bothe very different? Answers are welcomed on the tagboard or my msn. My perspective may need a little changing...
That's probably all for now. Need to pack for tomorrow. See yah next time!
Random Stuff From Class
Random stuff from random chat in class done on paper so lecturer won't bother, or at least won't suspect as much =x
Monday, October 20, 2008
Thoughts Today
Last semester was probably one of the best in my life. This semester? I guess it will take me some time to adapt back again.
Its now all in your hands. May your will and not mine be done.
Its now all in your hands. May your will and not mine be done.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Not Exactly The Best Week Of My Life But I'll Survive
First week of school and probably one of the more difficult ones in my life. After crusade camp, everything should actually be fine right? But i guess it was far from so.
Before i even stepped into school on Sunday, my toenail split and i had to cut and rip it out... Ouch... Then in school, things were a bit weird cause i was being ignored by somebody but it got slightly better now i guess. Tuesday was a bit worked up so went running after school, and came back with an aching heel, with no explainable cause. Got a cut on my arm from a source i don't even know about on Tuesday or Wednesday.
Thank God for crusade on Thursday i guess, showed me some stuff i wouldn't have realised if i didn't went down. The part of the message that struck me was "Is there an idol that is taking God's place in your life?" That changed my perspective for at least the last day of the week, since i was feeling quite down. I remembered that when i was more closer to God in the past, everything went fine. But whenever i drifted away, thigns started getting complicated. How true is it? I guess i will start finding out now.
This week has not been the best but it was taught me many things. Wednesday's understanding relationships lessons showed me to stop looking at faults as it takes two hands to clap. Crusade showed me i have lost focus on what was important, and took things around me for granted.
The sudden increase in my blogging frequency this week probably is cause i was feeling more emotional this week. Want me to blog more? Teach me to feel things. =x
Walking with God isn't just a 1 time thing. It is a lifetime commitment. He never promised a smooth ride. Even a bed of roses has thorns. But he promised that he will always be with us. He won't test us beyond what we can bear. And the best reason? All for love. And there is no better reason that that.
Before i even stepped into school on Sunday, my toenail split and i had to cut and rip it out... Ouch... Then in school, things were a bit weird cause i was being ignored by somebody but it got slightly better now i guess. Tuesday was a bit worked up so went running after school, and came back with an aching heel, with no explainable cause. Got a cut on my arm from a source i don't even know about on Tuesday or Wednesday.
Thank God for crusade on Thursday i guess, showed me some stuff i wouldn't have realised if i didn't went down. The part of the message that struck me was "Is there an idol that is taking God's place in your life?" That changed my perspective for at least the last day of the week, since i was feeling quite down. I remembered that when i was more closer to God in the past, everything went fine. But whenever i drifted away, thigns started getting complicated. How true is it? I guess i will start finding out now.
This week has not been the best but it was taught me many things. Wednesday's understanding relationships lessons showed me to stop looking at faults as it takes two hands to clap. Crusade showed me i have lost focus on what was important, and took things around me for granted.
The sudden increase in my blogging frequency this week probably is cause i was feeling more emotional this week. Want me to blog more? Teach me to feel things. =x
Walking with God isn't just a 1 time thing. It is a lifetime commitment. He never promised a smooth ride. Even a bed of roses has thorns. But he promised that he will always be with us. He won't test us beyond what we can bear. And the best reason? All for love. And there is no better reason that that.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Refocusing
Realised i have lost focus on God. Lost focus on what was important to me. Took what i have for granted.
Realised that my relationship with God affects my relationship with others.
Time to refocus. To look inside. To reflect. To learn. And to change for the better.
Realised that my relationship with God affects my relationship with others.
Time to refocus. To look inside. To reflect. To learn. And to change for the better.
From The Inside Out
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
What is Love?
Hmm... Not Sure, still searching for the answer. But found an interesting quote.
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Raining and Pouring
Its not raining cats and dogs at the moment. Just meaning that it never rains but it pours.
Anyway, i guess the run earlier did wonders. Was thinking more about maybe punching the wall or burning down my house. Guess never got down to do either.
Was thinking about doing a post of what i was thinking, but i guess the essence of it all: I miss her.
Anyway, i guess the run earlier did wonders. Was thinking more about maybe punching the wall or burning down my house. Guess never got down to do either.
Was thinking about doing a post of what i was thinking, but i guess the essence of it all: I miss her.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Restoration
Finally decided to blog again. Could be because school started and can't be bothered to pack bag yet and start on any homework. Oh well, better then me thinking about stuff i don't think i should be.
Hmm... Looks like the last time i was here was some time back... Lets see what has happened since then... I was still working up to the 2nd last week of my holidays which i spent resting. Went out with Minda and Sin lee one of those day to play pool. Was still quite bad compared to them, my tyco shots succeed only to fail me at the last moment... =x
Msot of the last week of my holidays were spent in a Campus Crusade camp with the theme "Restored". 4 days 3 nights. Was quite fun. First day was mainly just getting used to the environment (even though my body took 2 days >.<). Had lunch together as a group. The nwent ot the camp site at Aloha Changi Fairy Point Chalet. Was quite far in, but was close to the jetty. 2nd days was when most of the stuff started. Had games, workshop, worship and sermon. 3rd day was about the same but was more on time, unlike 1st and 2nd day when eveything was taking longer then expected. =x
3rd day was when I felt more at ease. 1st day was metally settling in. 2nd day my body was adjusting cause of a flu, which always hapens on the 2nd day of camps for some strange reason. But anyway, 3rd day was when i really soaked in the the message. The workshop was about being restored. It was done with the book, "Restored: experience life with Jesus". I was given an advance copy since i ended up as a leader of a group some how, so i had to go through it first. All i did was actually read through it then. But after the message i on the 3rd day, i realised that one of the points applied to me.
I realised i have been harboring the thoguhts of unforgiveness for myself. I find it hard to forgive myself for what i have done. Example? A lie about 7 years ago. A mistake i did to hurt someone. An inconsiderate action. I was very paranoid abotu what others thought of what i did. Those kind of things haunted me in the past. He never once condemed me, why do i condem myself? So thus that night i let Him set me free from my past.
Another thing i had to face was my pride. I forgot who i was doing it all for. I wasn't doing it for myself, so why was i so obessesed if i did what i did nicely like playing the guitar. Wasn't i supposed to play it for God? Don't lose focus of who you are doign things for, He said.
It took the first day for most people in the camp to break down. Me? 3 days. I guess my heart needed some softening after all. =x
After getting back from camp, first thign i did was eat lunch while watching the "Iron Man" movie which my dad pre-ordered awhile back. Couldn't think straight already cause didnt sleep for the last night of the camp. Why didnt sleep? Last night ended about 3+am and i was thinking since it was so early, sleeping also not much use since its a confrim i will crash and burn at home. =x
Slept on the way back so the efect wasn't so bad at first. Was actually planing to stay up to about 11pm to download some stuff, and so went ot clsoe my eyes while waiting for it to complete. And who knew i actually fell asleep and left my laptop on for the whole night. =x About 12 hours of sleep, from 10:30 pm to 10:30 am. Crash and burn. =x
And the weekend flew by and back to school again... Ah... Maybe i will take a look at the programming homework after all. See yah!
Hmm... Looks like the last time i was here was some time back... Lets see what has happened since then... I was still working up to the 2nd last week of my holidays which i spent resting. Went out with Minda and Sin lee one of those day to play pool. Was still quite bad compared to them, my tyco shots succeed only to fail me at the last moment... =x
Msot of the last week of my holidays were spent in a Campus Crusade camp with the theme "Restored". 4 days 3 nights. Was quite fun. First day was mainly just getting used to the environment (even though my body took 2 days >.<). Had lunch together as a group. The nwent ot the camp site at Aloha Changi Fairy Point Chalet. Was quite far in, but was close to the jetty. 2nd days was when most of the stuff started. Had games, workshop, worship and sermon. 3rd day was about the same but was more on time, unlike 1st and 2nd day when eveything was taking longer then expected. =x
3rd day was when I felt more at ease. 1st day was metally settling in. 2nd day my body was adjusting cause of a flu, which always hapens on the 2nd day of camps for some strange reason. But anyway, 3rd day was when i really soaked in the the message. The workshop was about being restored. It was done with the book, "Restored: experience life with Jesus". I was given an advance copy since i ended up as a leader of a group some how, so i had to go through it first. All i did was actually read through it then. But after the message i on the 3rd day, i realised that one of the points applied to me.
I realised i have been harboring the thoguhts of unforgiveness for myself. I find it hard to forgive myself for what i have done. Example? A lie about 7 years ago. A mistake i did to hurt someone. An inconsiderate action. I was very paranoid abotu what others thought of what i did. Those kind of things haunted me in the past. He never once condemed me, why do i condem myself? So thus that night i let Him set me free from my past.
Another thing i had to face was my pride. I forgot who i was doing it all for. I wasn't doing it for myself, so why was i so obessesed if i did what i did nicely like playing the guitar. Wasn't i supposed to play it for God? Don't lose focus of who you are doign things for, He said.
It took the first day for most people in the camp to break down. Me? 3 days. I guess my heart needed some softening after all. =x
After getting back from camp, first thign i did was eat lunch while watching the "Iron Man" movie which my dad pre-ordered awhile back. Couldn't think straight already cause didnt sleep for the last night of the camp. Why didnt sleep? Last night ended about 3+am and i was thinking since it was so early, sleeping also not much use since its a confrim i will crash and burn at home. =x
Slept on the way back so the efect wasn't so bad at first. Was actually planing to stay up to about 11pm to download some stuff, and so went ot clsoe my eyes while waiting for it to complete. And who knew i actually fell asleep and left my laptop on for the whole night. =x About 12 hours of sleep, from 10:30 pm to 10:30 am. Crash and burn. =x
And the weekend flew by and back to school again... Ah... Maybe i will take a look at the programming homework after all. See yah!
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