1 More Straw To Go...

Just back home from chalet and public concert. Chalet was fun but tiring, and the concert was enjoyable still... But i wonder why am i still here in this house anyway. On my way to the Singapore Conference Hall, my mom called me asking why didn't i put my clothing into the washing machine, and before i could explain myself, she went, "Next time you not going liao! *Beep*" Then she put down the phone. Man, i said i was putting the clothing aside in the balcony and she said she was ok with that, now she says she said that she asked me to put the clothing into the washing machine.

And she goes on about why hasn't i helped in the housework when i came back but go on straight to the computer. I said i needed a break, but she went, "Then you go chalet for what?? " Man, she will never know the problems in my life, cause she never really bothered about them, and now she asks me didn't i have my break yet?? I never have any break, everywhere i go i just can't sit down and let everybody do things with me slacking. Why that?? I was brought up this way. Who cares if people takes advantage of me? As long as my conscience is clear, itr doesn't matter.

Maybe my family should try living without me. Let them find someone else to shoulder the responsibility on my shoulders now. Let someone else take over all the housework i have been relied on to do. Let them find someone else that can take my mom's temper without blowing up. Let them find someone else who can help keep my dad from jumping down. Let them find someone else who can speak up for my siblings. Let them find someone else who can speak up for whats right and tell the truth. Let them find someone who they think can replace me. I would like to see that happen, if they can find such a person that is.

Guess the chalet was was tiring for me as i was the handy-man for most of the things, but i had fun doing it. I just hope next time i do this kinds of things i get more sleep... And it was refreshing to see everybody working together in the BBQ. Never had i seen such a united stand in the class for something POSITIVE before. Even the person who i thought was the quietest in the class was doing something. It was a touching sight... *SNIFF* To bad it will probably be the last time... *SNIFF*

Ok... Enough of this crap from this tired person. See yah around.

Busy.. Busy... Busy... ARGH!!!

Man... Just came back from my graduation dinner and dance. It was fun and the food was great. But i am not going to lie that i enjoyed myself fully. Maybe i as just tired from my tight schedule. But i just can't really find the mood to really play my heart out. Oh well... hope this doesn't carry over to the chalet...

Yesterday was the Blogskinners BBQ otuing. It was muddy... VERY muddy... And Adrain, Leslie and me had to sacrifice ourselves walking in the rain to find the BBQ pit... Which is at the other end of the park from where we were... Then we walk and walk and walk until we wet and then tell the others how to come when it has stopped raining... Next time, maybe i shall not help Adrain anymore... XD

Now... Tomorrow i ahve usher duty in church early in the morning and now it is late at night... Then after that in the afternoon got mission trip meeting... Then Monday to Wednesday class chalet... Then Wednesday night School Public Concert... Tight schedule right??

I better go to bed now since my hair is finally dry after that bath a few minutes ago... See yah around!!

Would You Choose Water Over Wine?

Stop And Listen

All i asked for was that my mom just stop moving and listen. But no... there she goes shooting of the mouth without thinking about what are the consequences. This situation has been expected everything my bro get back any results, especially today when he got back his PSLE results. HE got a 169. And once my mom came home, all she did was just went,"See lah! Don't study some more!" And many more variations. Guess my dad got fed-up with it and bursted out. He waned to walk out of the house but my mom stopped him. My bro was also breaking down over the pressure.

That was when i stepped in. My mom was like saying that it is all her fault and my dad has no reason to walk out. My mom said she didn't wanted my dad angry as he had a heart condition. I tried to get them to sit down, but only my dad did. I tried to get them to talk it out, but no... my om wasn't actually listening or getting what i was trying to say. In the end, I just gave up. She asn't listening, why waste anymore of my breath explaining that all she did was just bring up the past and kept putting my bro down. Ah well, can't say i didn't try. In the end, i got the image totally different from what she said to my dad. She kept defending herself, thus showing that she believes she is right.

I guess i plan to ignore her for the time being, like how she tends to ignore how any of us in the family feels. She should have seen this coming. the last time this happened, she said she was going to change and control her temper better, but no... now she says she can't change. What am i being taken for here?? Someone to help you defuse conflicts wich you started? Next time i am going to stand down until it reaches the limit. Let's see how she is going to settle it properly without me.

Man... Today i almost got un-necessary attention too. Some how, Adrain convinced the head of blogskins to make me featured contributor when i did nothign at all to deserve it. Thank goodness i managed to get him to change it. Or else the future will be very bleak for me...

Argh... Enough emo-ing. going to chase my mom off my bed. She thinks i have forgiven her, but who actually forgives someone so fast for something so big?? She better face her problem soon before it ballooms...

Ah... Enough for today. See yah around!!

I was there when you didn't see me. Now you need me, too bad, cause I'm gone and will never be back.

Farewell Council...

Ah... The farewell party is finally here... Decided to go because F-cube: Food, Fun, Friends. Yeah. There were funny moments, strange moments, embaressing moments and touching moments. Sometimes you can't help but tear when you see everyone around you tearing up. Ok, i admit i cried a little. But come on, Melvin also cried a little... Wait a minute, that is no excuse... That kind of behaviour is expected from him... XD

Argh... Still feeling a little emo at the moment... Especially when i got hugged by crying people when i was off guard... And still feeling pain from the hug from Minda and SweeHao and from that jump hug from Yingen... Fell on the floor on the jump hug... Ouch...

Man... Tired already... Going to take a break before going to bed... See yah!!

Break the limit.

Eat Till Full...

Yesterday was at Cystal Jade Restuant. Ate until very full. Never ate so full for such a long time. Next time i am going to go back there, that is if my parents can afford it... XD

Man... It is painful saving up money for my mission trip... I don't even know how much i have to save up to... Look like this coming class chalet will be time for me to be as trifty as possible... T.T


I think i have given up on my private blog. It will be free for you to find but i won't tell you the address. You have to be damn lucky to find it... XD

Oh well... Going to look for something to do now... Maybe play or whatever... See yah.

It's Gone...

Interesting what the 'O' levels can do to one without any signs. 1st is that i have gone crazy. Second is that i am now lost without really a goal in mind. thirdly is that i am worrying about my future. Forth is that i suddenly don't fel anything for any more girls. Not that i am becomeing gay or anything, but i just can't be bothered about it anymore. It's just like the feeling suddenly disappeared, it's gone just like that.

There was so many things i would like to do during the exams, but now i have lost the mood to do them. I have suddenly lost my solitaire playing skills too. It was probably only now did i realise that a lot of those things require a lot of $$ to start, Put them all together and you have me in debt.

I remembered during when we got the news that the papers will be pushed forward an hour on thursday and friday. Having gotten teh same news from 2 totally unrelated people must mean it is true, so i decided to spread the news too. A few replied. One was saying thanks, 2 others were in doubt. One of those in doubt was my crush a few years back. Let's call her J. She's attached now so don't ask me to do stupid things. It's interesting how some things work out. We never worked out, but probably kept in contact due to my sheer will. Maybe i still have to learn to accept certain things. Maybe i have already accepted my fate.

I used to wonder why was i helping people when i had nothing to gain. I knew the answer to that question deep in my heart, but was probably afraid of facing it. I helped people because i want to. Because it makes them happy. I didn't to it for my own gain but for their gain. So now i tell this to myself everytime i feel like giving up, that i am doing it not for myself, but for others.

Some times i wonder if i am a burden to people, it i was better not ever being borned at all. It not what comes naturally to my mind but what peopel around me put into my head. Some times people can say they are your friends only to talk behind your back, saying what an ugly person you are. It teh previous statement true? I don't thing so. J asked me not to give her a birthday present. I don't know why. And some other people force me to give them presents. Anyway, then it sounded like she didn't wanted to see me. All she said she needed was a greeting. I insisted on a present for a while until i realised she was really serious that i give her nothing at all. I gave in. It just wasn't worth it anymore.

I guess i gave up on many things cause it just wasn't worth it. And i still will be giving up things because they arn't worth it. What's teh use of fighting for a worthless cause when it will cost all you have and you will still lose?? It's all about weighting the pros and cons. When there are too many cons, give it up, it ain't worth it.

All the feelings,
It's all gone.
Don't even try to bring them back.

It's never coming back.
I'm sure.
Don't call me a fool for giving up,
It's worth it no more.

IT'S OVER!!! RUN RIOT!!! WOO!!!

IT OVER!!! IT'S FINALLY OVER!!! THE WAR WITH 'O' LEVELS HAS ENDED!!! I SURVIVED!!! YEAH!!! OH YEAH!!! YEAH!!! XD

oh well, back to more pressing matters. Should i get a job or something?? Even thoguth i wll be spending the next close to 3/4 of my life working?? Ok... maybe i will look around... if i am free that is... XD

finally a burden is off my shoulders... Now to start searching for that gundam model... LET ME FIND IT!!! It's just such a work of beauty that i have to get it for myself... ARGH!! XD

Now i am going to chill on my com while waiting for this bleach episode to download finish. SEE YAH AROUND MAN!!! XD

Losing It

ARGH... I am losing it... All the stress is getting to my head... Want to destress by playing games also got no mood to play... Wait. I am in the mood to play solitaire, maybe i shall go play 1 round now...

YES!! Just completed another round of solitaire. Have you ever wondered how i got inspiration for my current blogskin? It was an idea from an anime. Actually an ONA, or Original Net Animation, as it first released on the net. Look up Gundam Seed C.E. 73 Stargazer. I just watched the subbed last part of 3 parts. Sure watched it before but that was when it wasn't subbed yet. Finally now i understand what is happening unlike last time i had to read facial expressions and body languages. It is probably the best Gundam series i have seen. AND I WANT THAT STARGAZER GUNDAM MODEL!!! T.T

This is how it is supposed to look like. I am planning to brush up my modelling skills on other models before working on this model. GAH!!!

Oh yah, i wouldn't mind if anyone is willing to buy the model for me. It should be out any day soon. SPONSER ME!!!

Ok... Sorry for being hyper and all. Can't help it i say, i'm losing it after all... XD

That should be enough craziness for today. See yah around!!

It's 10% luck... 20% skill... 15% concentrated power of will... 5%pleasure... 50% pain... and a 100% reason to remember the name...

Embrace The Darkness

I am feeling kind of dark now even though it is kind of bright and early in the morning. I was feeling a little confused yesterday night, but i guess i am alright now. Honestly, i would like to hide in the darkness for a while, but since it is day, everywhere is bright and i have lost my hiding place...

I guess it is interesting people can be refering to you without you even knowing about it. And the worst thing is that you aprticipate in the conversation too. Guess I just made a fool of myself. But i guess i do that all the time don't i? So nothing much surprising about it i guess...

Did i actually tell you that actually thought of killing every body that ever knew me then running away to start a new life in some other country?? I didn't?? Well, now you know...

Oh well... I am going to watch you-tube for a while before i go back to studying... Enough of me for today... See yah!!

Hope Is Just A Word

Ah... I have been neglacting my private blog recently... But i wonder who reads it anyway?? There ain't much sign of people reading this blog either besides the tags once in a while which i try to reply to all the time... Dead blog already... Or actually more active then i thought it is??

Man... Not many people are onlie in the morning... I was hoping to find someone i can at least play a bit with... But oh well, they are probably studying hard so i shall not disturb them... 'O' Levels have already started... Tomorrow will be english paper, so i probably should start looking for some motivation for the paper 1 and start studying for the letter formats... Man...

The internet is just so big and full of information now... I could just go to blogger and search for some person's name and the school and i can find post and pictures of the person... I guess boredom drives one to do interesting things... Or boring things i guess...

Lost without a goal in sight,
Wandering aimlessly throught the night.
See me she will never do,
Cause in the shadows i loom.

What was that?? The product of boredom and stress all added together. Maybe another one will come out along the way again... Oh well... Now where was i?? Oh... No where at all...

I need your smile to light up my day,
To make all the pain go away...

Here i go again and just came up with some 2 liner again... Must be going crazy because of the 'O' Levels... Feeling stressed and nervous...

I have been playing solitaire the past few days. And that is a statement of how bored i am. I just finished another round of solitaire. Wow... I seem to be getting better at it... Ha...

Hmm... Now i am going to read through my english before heading out to get my lunch later... See yah!

The reason to believe is no more. I can see no future or hope in this. Just leave it as that cause I really doubt that you want anything more to do with me.

Feel Like Falling Sick...

Looks like tomorrow is the beginning of the end. The beginning of the 'O' Levels and the end of the secondary school. ARGH!!! I am getting stressed just thinking about it...

Today, i had a nose bleed. It just came while i was sneezing... I must have sneezed too hard... Nothing else much happened recently, with the 'O' Levels around the corner. But recently i discovered somethign ironic: I seem to be better at playing games during this period. Hey, i was just playing to de-stress, so don't come for my neck. It has been so boring staring at books and notes all day anyway...

Hey, if you need some thing to watch during the exams to destress, go you-tube and search for akihabara@deep. It is about otakus, or fans of animes, and their story. Sounds strange?? Wait till you see it, the lame-ness is alot higher than that of mine, WeiJin and all of us in class combined together. But word of warning thought, each episode last close to an hour so you should watch a 1 part out of 5 for each episode a day, as you-tube has only been uploaded to the third episode. the series has reached the 8th subbed episode by the way. Or a beter choice is to watch it after the exams. And a even better choice is to not watch it at all, agree? People like us will only get addicted to this kind of things...

Man, i am tired... maybe i will rest early tonight and hope i will be refreshed for tomorow... ARGH... That shouild be enough for today... See yah around and all the best for the exams!!

WHAT'S UP PEOPLE!!

Ok!! I know what's up!!! Don't tell me... I am quite sure i know... It is the ceiling!!! XD

I am feeling tired... Also a little sick... Dunno why the past few days got flu with block nose... AND I WANT TO STUDY NO MORE!!! ARGH!!! I am in games-playing mode, but trying to force myself to study... ARGH!!!!

ARGH!!! I just saw the a gundam model which is selling at a cheaper price at a online store compared to what i saw at a store in Singapore... I WANT ONE!!! T.T

I got nothing to blog about at the moment i guess... My mision trip has already begun preparation, but i don't have to do anything at the moment due to my 'O' Levels. YEAH.

Ok... That should be enough for today. See yah around!!