A story about a boy just trying to make it through life. Life hasn't been smooth sailing for him. A few months back he broke up with his first girlfriend. One could say he's still trying to find himself after after his loss, but some feel he has recovered quite a bit since then. He doesn't feel that way though.
There was once when he believed he was getting along better. His ex and him were friends again at least and he didn't want to take it for granted. Suddenly a friend of his for at least years got interested in his ex. He was upset at first, but decided to control himself and just see how the situation will work out. For some reason, his friend saw him as a threat, and every time that friend saw him with her, just random playing around or talking, he tried to get in the way. Our main character got irritated, but decided to still be as nice as he could, walking away from the anger.
A group of them were out once to get stuffs, and since it's a big group, his ex would end up walking next to him sometimes. This friend of his would squeeze in between them. He was irritated, not by the fact he couldn't get close to his ex, but by the fact that he has to keep changing direction just to make space for this friend of his to squeeze in between. it happened once... Twice... 3 times... 4th and 5th... Then he just gave up and decided to just walk up front where no one will walk, leaving this friend of his to his own means.
He was upset but somehow got himself out of it again. Then another guy somehow managed to mixed into their group. He was open to this guy, like he was open to anyone else. Then he got closer to his ex. He was upset, but decided that it was better off kept to himself. The earlier mentioned friend gave up on her probably cause of this new guy, and suddenly started becoming nice to him again, but to him, it just feels artificial at times now.
As he saw his ex get closer to this new guy, a dagger kept sinking deeper into his heart. He doesn't know why. He asked himself, "Ain't i over her already?" But the pain still lingered. Then signs begin to show of something more between his ex and the other guy. Rumors started. But he still decided to keep his composure even though everything inside him was feeling all messed up. Each new thing people says about them feels like a knife plunging into his heart. He doesn't understand why he still feels this way. And he wonders if anyone cares about how he feels.
He wonders sometimes, why does God put him in situations where it seem to hurt when it seems like it shouldn't be at all. The only reply he gets is that no one else could probably take the pressure. He heard of people jumping off building cause their parents don't let them take a certain CCA, and laugh at the fact that he's still alive after all that he has went through and still am going through. He thought to himself, "I wonder how that kid would have done in my shoes..."
There was this once the people around him started talking that all he was is a replacement for when the guy isn't around. He was hurt. Cause if all he was is a replacement, he rather be no one to her at all. He asked her, she said no, that he wasn't a replacement, wait a while more and all that's really happening will be revealed. "What's really happening?", he wondered.
He sometimes wonder how is he able to still come to school each day smiling, knowing that something's wrong with himself, and continue moving forward. Life goes on, he tells himself each day. God will provide and make a way, he keeps telling himself. God has always made a way for him, but he's finding it difficult to trust anyone, even God, at the moment. Probably the smile comes from that inner joy given from God that no one can ever take away.
There are times when he just disappear from where he's meant to be, just so he have some time alone to reflect and think and seek refuge in God. Nothing seems to make sense to him. The guy just broke up with someone, and now am close to his ex. His friend treats him like crap at first and suddenly treats him nice. He's suddenly kind of good friends with his ex again. Nothing makes sense, not that he not happy with the some of the things happening. He doesn't want to take anymore things for granted.
Sometimes he just get lost in thoughts. He doesn't want to think about things, but it just comes to him. He doesn't know whether his respond to other people's actions are the best respond he can give. All he knows is how to move forward in life. There are times when he just want to run away, just disappear, but it would have been the opposite of what he has been preaching to people, not to run away from problems. Practice what you preach, he keeps telling himself, practice what you preach.
There are times he wonder if he is being too nice and letting people walk all over him. "I'm like a doormat eh??" Sometimes he would ask himself, laughing.
There seems to be this hope inside of him, a hope that something will happen. Something that will help him see that hope in life paid off. Hope in the future paid off. Hope.
And his story goes on, like all life stories should. His story has yet to reach it's ending, and so until then, life goes on and his story continues. Watch out people, here he comes.
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