Ah... I need to be able to control my feelings and not let them overtake me... Note to all who are around me, if you ever see me behaving weird, tell me that i there is nothing much i can do now but wait. And tell me that this situation will teach me patience and trust too. Encouragements are welcomed too. =x
Sorry to the people i have accidentally hurt in the past few days. No excuse for my weird behavior. I'm very sorry about it. Especially to those around me. If i ever become like this hurtful, drag me away or something. I probably need time to think about stuff. Sometimes i may need some time off so i would probably disappear for a while, but thats about all. I tend to think better after a shot of adrenaline so i tend to exercise when i need to think. =x
Hmm... I guess that there is still some more way to go. I wonder if i should countdown or should i just let the days sneak up on me. Nah... Just wait i guess, need the training in patience...
Today, i kept feeling a certain nudge from God. He asked me to be still and know him. Straight away the song lyrics "Be still and know you are God" came to mind. I kind of like put in into a corner of my mind, thinkign if i heard the song thsi coming Sunday, God is probably with me. What i forgot abotu was that i had Campus Crusade tonight. Then the song came up. I was caught off guard a little. Coincidence?
Looks like its only in times of distress do people turn to God. Looks like i'm one of those people. Natural respond? Searching for reasons why does it happen? Then suddenly i get the message from Him, saying to be still and know he is God. How am i to be still? When life is tossing me all over the place, how can i be still? Then i remembered a story of 2 painters. Both were asked ot paint what they thought peace was. The first one painted a seagull standing still on a rock in the middle of a calm sea. The other? Also painted a seagull standing still on a rock, but this time the sea was raging, waves were splashing everywhere, but still the seagull was at peace.
What did this mean to me? It shows that it is possible to be at peace even when everything around is in turmoil. True peace isn't affected by the surroundings. Look like i still have long way to go before achieving this kind of peace.
Hmm... Sometimes i wonder if there is anything wrong with guys being sensitive? Is it really that hard to find guys that actually bother about what has been said? Maybe i should learn to tune out stuff i don't want to hear, only hear the good stuff. Wait a minute... if i dont hear the bad stuff, how am i going to improve? Ok... So is it good to be sensitive? Or is it one of those stuff that "too much is bad, too little also bad" thing? And i wonder if anyone actually will answer me now.
Ah... Need to sleep already... Or will die tomorrow... or should i get a shot of caffine tomorrow morning ot wake up... Nevermind... wil jut go and sleep and hope that tomorrow will be better then today...
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