HelloGoodBye

I shall not blog too much today, quite late already and i should probably get some rest before my body gives way.

Man... Part of my laptop broke off... My program is giving me problem and thus preventing me from completing my AOOP exercise... I feel myself suppressing a fever just so i can continue doing work... My eyelids feels like they weight a ton, like wanton (1 ton) mee...

But anyway, the weekend was fine. Saturday was boring cause didn't went out... Sunday was just another Sunday with the usual stuff. Realised that i finish about 10 pieces of strepsils in a day. Looks like i have to restock tomorrow... Stupid school that doesn't sell honey and lemon flavour...

Going to start an experiment soon. Maybe already started. Wonder where i get all these ideas for these experiments? Must be the social psychology classes i have been attending... Ah... Want to know what's more scary then you doing an experiment? When you are experiment too. I wodner if i will be able to carry it out to the end to prove a point...

I asked a question to someone today. You said it doesn't concern me. But i'm wondering why did you tell me that on that day itself? I'm sorry for all i've done, but i need to know the truth. I need to know. It's very difficult to forgive without knowing what is it i'm forgiveing you for. I don't even know what happened then. I feel stupid, jsut because things were happening and i didn't know anything. I want to know, but no one told me anything.

I don't want sleepless nights, but sometimes those thoughts just come back to haunt me. And i always wonder why does it still haunt me. I wonder about what went wrong. I wonder if i could have done anything to save it. I wonder about the people around. I wonder about what you said. I wonder when you said that you did wrong, what could it be? Something so bad that you threw everything we had away, or is it just some small matter that just isn't nice to be said?

I wonder alot. These strands of white hair are just the consequences of wondering. I just need to know the truth. Only then can i stop wondering. I don't want to care about it, but i can't help it sometimes. I don't want to doubt you or the people around you, but i can't trust you with anything more then what you see now because i don't know the anything, be it that happened or is happening. Is it easy for me to doubt? No. I bash myself over negative emotions. I want to fully let go of the bitterness, but it's too difficult without knowing the truth of the matter.

I don't believe that not caring is a solution. If we choose not to care, then what are we? Emotionless robots? Don't care about everything while studies comes first? Sorry, but i can't do that. Studies will never end. Learning is a way of life. And why do you not care? Are you running away for it? What are you afraid of? I know what the "don't care" attitude causes to people's life. Wasn't mine an example last term? Anger, depression, bitterness, hate all in one package.

I should just go all out and show what that attitude does to things for people. Will i suffer? Yes. But hopefully people will see that it's just not the way to treat things. After last term, i don't think there are any other emotional pains i can't face.

And maybe one should also look at what that kind of attitude does to the people around them. I don't see them happy though.

Sorry if this post offends anyone, just putting out my thoughts. Kind of frustrating when i try to move on, but keep getting held back by something. Let go? Tried, but can't let go fully without knowing why this thing happened. Just seems like i'm the stupid one who doesn't even know why, how or what happened. Yup, i'm the stupid one at the moment. Nice Revelation isn't it? That i'm stupid. Or maybe dumb. Or just blind. Pick one of your liking.

And so here-i-m, ranting away again. See yah the next time i rant.