Read the title and go figue. I went back to the hospital again yesterday night beacuse the strain on my chest seemed to have gotten worst. And they found nothing wrong in the end so i got painkillers to help with the pain and my appointment at the specialist got pushed forward to next week. And the appointment is after school so i won't miss any lessons. Came back from hospital after 10pm and till continued wit hhome work... But in the end i shut everything down half an hour later and just went yo bed. couldmn't handle the load on my eyes. They were going to close anyway, why not do it sooner?
The johari window thingey from the earlier post? I found someone by the name "mE...". I wonder who is it... I didn't realise it was someone i don't know until now... even thought that person was one of teh first few to do the survey for me. I actually thought it was me but it wasn't... Man am i blind...
Should i just continue being what i am trying to become, which is someone more happier and carefree, or become back to the old me, the seemingly boring and monotonous me? I am not sure... but being the happier seems to be doing wonders for me at the moment. But being the old me seems much more real to me. But the old me is alone most of the time. It is not good for me to be alone too. Especially with my health at this condition. But if i become close to anyone now i know i will become a burden to them. Don't ask me where i get this kind of thinking from cause i am gouing to tell you now : HOME. The one place where one is supposed to feel the safest is where i am most stressed. Did i mention my bro stole $20 from me yesterday? Had to confront him to get the $$ back. And what kind of excuse did he give? "Tomorrow got some fun fair thingey in school and mommy and papa give me very little $$ and i know they won't give me any more $$..." WHAT KIND OF LOUSEY EXCUSE IS THAT? DOES NOT BEING ABLE TO GET $$ FROM PARENTS MEAN STEALING?!?!?! Okay... i will calm down... But think about it... a P6 kid stealing his bro hard saved $$... P6 FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!! If he wants respect and trust, he has to earn it.
Now... where was i? Oh... Try coming home everyday to where i have to do housework and often goes un-noticed. I do it willing, and probably a better job than any of my siblings at the moment. And no one in the house can meet my speed at doing them, even with me at this condition, chest pain and all. It gets tiring doing it day after day while seeing my little bro and sis get rewarded for their work while me getting nothing at all. And on top of that, my mom only knows how to complain. So if something is not done well, i get a verbal whipping. And everytime anyone in my family gets a verbal whipping from her, the rest of the household get affected... More worst than Jeanie on her worst day. The comparision is just so you people will be able to understand and no offence to Jeanie. REALLY! NO OFFENCE! I DON"T WANT TO DIE IN YOUR HANDS SO EARLY! I AM STILL YOUNG!!!
One good thing about the pass few days. I ahve been tuning myself out of thinking when i go to bed and has been able to sleep more easily!!! YEAH!!!
That's all the thoughts i am able to put down to words at the moment. The rest are going to have to wait till they are able to be expressed as words. So till next time, stay happy!!! And please remind me not not laugh too hard cause it will put too much strain on my lungs and remember to visit me if i end up in the hospital, if that is. (TOUCH WOOD)
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