I Just went to nanyang poly for their open house today. Came back, and started everything normal. Then while having dinner, my mom just shouted at me for"slaming " the rice cooker lid. I just controlled myself not to shout and walked out of the kitchen. ou want me to eat? Didn't I state i will only eat if the conditions are peaceful? Sure she asked me to go back to eat later, but how did ahe do it? I shall quote, "Somebody who haven't finished his rice better come and finish it." She repeated it 2 times before she realise i wasn't going to touch it at all. Then I just went on to do my home work.
I did my work half way when i realised i was feeling lost. And i really needed a break. Something just went snapped. Who knows what was it? I just needed to sit down and think...no... i needed to sit down and not think at all.
Try this concept about me now. Everybody contain a cauldron of soup. When ever they do something good, like helping someone and controling his temper and encourging etc, a little of the soup is taken away from them. And when some one do something good to the person, like getting encouraged and getting helped etc, a little soup is added to the cauldron. I can only say this now. It's that i have been giving out too much "soup" that even there is no "soup", I am still giving. This ended up with me giving away part of my "cauldron". I feel i am being drained faster than i can be refilled. I can't talk to anybody much about me, cause i know people usually want to talk more about them. I just seem to give way too much... Now i don't even feel like talking. There are too many thoughts flying through my head now. Talk about lost in thoughts. Not that i am saying you should stop encouring or helping ur friends or something. Its just the support she get for doing something right.
ARGH!!! I need to not think at all but i can't... I guess i can become the undisputed "depressed and confused" champion of the class. At least if you read this, you will know the reason why i will be acting wierd to you. I will probably ignore everybody now. Bad i know it is. But i ain't going to let you people end up like me. Dumb huh? Cause do you people know what is it like to be ignored by everyone? What do you people think i get at home? Bias treatment here i tell you. I am sick of my mom telling me to do not logical things like refusing to help people etc. I am sick of getting ignored like i am a idiot. I am sick of being treated like a idiot. I am sick of the criticisms. I just want to feel loved by my parents. All i wanted were some good friends i could talk to with no hesitation. All i want is to have peace everywhere. All I ever wanted was life to be more fair.
I am tired of life. But don't worry i will go commit suicide or something. At the most i will end up at the Institude of Mental Health one day. Will you people visit me? I doubt so. My mom will probably be so biass against me like she hass been against me going to poly(i haven't decided yet), noraml stream people and the gangter-like people in my school(Come on, some of them are quite nice...). Oh sure you can say you are not bias but your tone gives you away.
Man i feel exhausted even thought my bady can keep going on, my brain is officially fried. I can't think properly now. Need to destress, but can't. Why? Can i go for a walk now? no... Can i go paly basketball now? no... Can i skip tuition and take a break only for this week? no... I am also sick of the no answer. I am going crazy and my parents don't even know it. Even more disturbing is that i am going to ignore it.
I am going Crazy!!!! Somebody stop me!!!! I am going to go now. So till next time... so till next time... try not to end up as lost as me.
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