Time Of Reflection

Just back from camp. Settling the laundry now. Going to take some time so that probably why i'm blogging now.

The Youth Camp for me was a time of reflection. I was hoping that the camp would give me the strength to let go fully. But i still need to take it step by step, can't seem to be able to do the steps all in one go at the moment. But at least now i know i'm not alone, that there will always be people there for me.

During one of the programmes where we had to go around a certain area of Singapore like The Amazing Race, my group kind of screwed up due to a mis-communication. In the end we were quite pissed when we saw 3 groups running back to church while we have yet to reach the last checkpoint. Wanted to give up initially, but somehow got convinced by Alvin to finish the race. During that period where we discovered we totally dropped from 2nd to last, i was kind of pissed, so i actually though of things that made me angry. I thought of her.

I wondered why did i thought of her since i supposedly forgave her already. Then i realised that i haven't fully forgiven her yet. May be cause i felt that my feelings have been used against me not just by anyone, but by someone i trusted with my life. She only seems sorry then the other guy and me aren't really friends now. People seem to keep forgetting about my feelings... Forgiving seems to be taking alot longer then i thought it would...

Someone recently said i wasn't man enough so stuff happens to me. So i wonder, what is it to be a man?

Will the guy and me still be friends? I guess so, can't really tell now. But there is only 1 thing i can say, it won't be the same again. Can't expect everything to just fall back to the way it was with a snap of a finger, especially with emotional hurt involved. I was hurt deeply, and i need time for the healing. Until i'm healed to a reasonable extent, will i be able to communicate as easily as i used to be with him again. Hopefully by the end of the holidays i'll be better.

Just read someone's blog. Wondering what went wrong with friends. People see how you deal with your relationships all the time, be it with friends, family, partner or anyone in the world. So the question i feel should be asked is how did you deal with your relationships? People see what is happening, so its either you end up with support from or with them if they like it, or end up with a broken relationship if they don't.

And after asking about how did you deal with your relationships, maybe you should also think about what can be done to at least restore it to a very basic level at minimum. Just what i think should be done. Best would be consulting a professional if you can, or at least someone who is more experienced and matured like a parent or an adult that you respect.

Just thinking about how many screwed up tips for relationships in this world. I never really see them unless it really are those that make sense, but there are stuff that you shouldn't tell your partner and only can tell friends? Wait a minute, do you trust your partner? So why are there stuff you can't say? Doesn't your partner accept the way you are? This point just doesn't make sense to me cause it goes against a very basic principle of a relationship which is trust.

Argh... Blister on my toe just popped...

I've learned before that a relationship works better if both people have a common values. I thought that there were common values, but it seems values can change too.

Will blog about the camp some other time, going to be 2 am soon already... And i need to wake up early tomorrow... Hopefully can get at least 4-5 hours of sleep... See yah.

Going out to shopping malls and seeing couples is less painful, but still painful nontheless. Looks like still got some way to go before complete healing...