Long day today. Like any other Sunday, went to church in the morning. After service, played soem games with CG mates before heading down to MingCi's house to prepare some stuff for dinner at Pastor Edwin's house. Kind of slacked time away at MingCi's house.
Then at Pastor's house, helped with the cooking a little. Picked up some stuff from our chef in training Reuel, like what to look out for when baking a pizza or cooking some other stuff. Wanted to help with cleaning up, but couldn't find the strength to. Got chased back to play games when i attempted to clean up again anyway, so just gave up i guess. Played with a stray kitten that William and girlfriend found, or at least attempted to keep it in the box. The little creature almost scratched me so many times... Sorry MewMew, running around in the house is a big no-no, wait for Uncle William to come back with food for you. =x
Went back home with Nicole earlier since she lives nearby. She just came back from Australia for holidays. Caught up abit on the way back. And since it was already pass 11pm, accmpanied her to the bus stop to wait for her dad to fetch her home. Studying overseas is so different from studying here. Staying in a hostel, taking care of oneself... Kind of an independent life.
Photos will be up when i get them from Melissa.
I guess today had enough flashbacks for a while. Jason and Melissa didn't thought i would have been to Lot 1 before, but i guessed i surprised them with my limited knowledge of the place. Just memories of the times she once brought me there. William and girlfriend, and Pastor with his wife also reminded me of her i guess. Seeing people that can be so different yet be together so happily. I guess something was missing. Maybe i know what it is, or maybe i'm wrong about what it is. Looks like its time for searching for answers again...
Today kind of took my mind off anger for a while. I still feel a littel betrayed by a friend of mine. I trusted in him, but he kind of became the 3rd party without even knowing it. He's oblivious to his surroundings. And recently it seems he doesn't really talk to me anymore. I want to forgive, but i can't seem to bring myself to at the moment.
I first tried to taught him to be more optimistic, but it never got through to him. Helped him expended his circle of friends, hopeing it will get him to socialise more. Introduced him to Japanese toku shows. And hopefully helped brightened his day when we were in year 1.
Then when my gf drifed away from me this semester, she got closer to him. She said she didn't have the feeling and wanted some time to think about the relationship, and i may have to wait for a long time. I decided to wait. I was jealous at first, when confronted, he said nothing will happen between them, even though he likes her. Said he was to chicken to do anything. He questioned my trust of them both. So i chose to trust.
But everyday, my heart just kept breaking. I see stuff i once used to do with her being done with him. He never noticed. Just enjoyed the attention i guess. And since he is oblivious to his surroundings, he never really noticed how i felt. I was hurt, but little noticed, and some who noticed chose to ignore. Becoming her "part-time boyfriend" didn't help my feelings any more then a building collasping on me.
So after 7 weeks of those feelings, i decided i had to cut off this negative feelings or i may end up hating some people more then i can bring myself to forgive. The day she became my ex-gf. So as an act of love, i forgave her. The guy, i need to take some time to get myself to do it. I trusted him. I thought he knew how i felt, the pain and the heart break. I guess i expected too much.
Now i guess i'm still in the process of healing from the hurt. I want to forgive, but its going to take me some time to do it.
If every action has a consequence, has you thought about what you might be inviting into your life the moment you make that decision?
No comments:
Post a Comment